Man and Wife

'One at tap and one at bottom?' repeated Mr. Bishopriggs, in high disdain. 'De'il a bit of it! Baith yer chairs as close together as chairs can be. Hech! hech!—haven't I caught 'em, after goodness knows hoo many preleeminary knocks at the door, dining on their husbands' knees, and steemulating a man's appetite by feeding him at the fork's end like a child? Eh!' sighed the sage of Craig Fernie, 'it's a short life wi' that nuptial business, and a merry one! A mouth for yer billin' and cooin'; and a' the rest o' yer days for wondering ye were ever such a fule, and wishing it was a' to be done ower again.—Ye'll be for a bottle o' sherry wine, nae doot? and a drap toddy afterwards, to do yer digestin' on?'

Arnold nodded—and then, in obedience to a signal from Anne, joined her at the window. Mr. Bishopriggs looked after them attentively—observed that they were talking in whispers—and approved of that proceeding, as representing another of the established customs of young married couples at inns, in the presence of third persons appointed to wait on them.

'Ay! ay!' he said, looking over his shoulder at Arnold, 'gae to your deerie! gae to your deerie! and leave a' the solid business o' life to Me. Ye've Screepture warrant for it. A man maun leave fether and mother (I'm yer fether), and cleave to his wife. My certie! 'cleave' is a strong word—there's nae sort o' doot aboot it, when it comes to 'cleaving!'' He wagged his head thoughtfully, and walked to the side-table in a corner, to cut the bread.

As he took up the knife, his one wary eye detected a morsel of crumpled paper, lying lost between the table and the wall. It was the letter from Geoffrey, which Anne had flung from her, in the first indignation of reading it— and which neither she nor Arnold had thought of since.

'What's that I see yonder?' muttered Mr. Bishopriggs, under his breath. 'Mair litter in the room, after I've doosted and tidied it wi' my ain hands!'

He picked up the crumpled paper, and partly opened it. 'Eh! what's here? Writing on it in ink? and writing on it in pencil? Who may this belong to?' He looked round cautiously toward Arnold and Anne. They were both still talking in whispers, and both standing with their backs to him, looking out of the window. 'Here it is, clean forgotten and dune with!' thought Mr. Bishopriggs. 'Noo what would a fule do, if he fund this? A fule wad light his pipe wi' it, and then wonder whether he wadna ha' dune better to read it first. And what wad a wise man do, in a seemilar position?' He practically answered that question by putting the letter into his pocket. It might be worth keeping, or it might not; five minutes' private examination of it would decide the alternative, at the first convenient opportunity. 'Am gaun' to breeng the dinner in!' he called out to Arnold. 'And, mind ye, there's nae knocking at the door possible, when I've got the tray in baith my hands, and mairs the pity, the gout in baith my feet.' With that friendly warning, Mr. Bishopriggs went his way to the regions of the kitchen.

Arnold continued his conversation with Anne in terms which showed that the question of his leaving the inn had been the question once more discussed between them while they were standing at the window.

'You see we can't help it,' he said. 'The waiter has gone to bring the dinner in. What will they think in the house, if I go away already, and leave 'my wife' to dine alone?'

It was so plainly necessary to keep up appearances for the present, that there was nothing more to be said. Arnold was committing a serious imprudence—and yet, on this occasion, Arnold was right. Anne's annoyance at feeling that conclusion forced on her produced the first betrayal of impatience which she had shown yet. She left Arnold at the window, and flung herself on the sofa. 'A curse seems to follow me!' she thought, bitterly. 'This will end ill—and I shall be answerable for it!'

In the mean time Mr. Bishopriggs had found the dinner in the kitchen, ready, and waiting for him. Instead of at once taking the tray on which it was placed into the sitting-room, he conveyed it privately into his own pantry, and shut the door.

'Lie ye there, my freend, till the spare moment comes—and I'll look at ye again,' he said, putting the letter away carefully in the dresser-drawer. 'Noo aboot the dinner o' they twa turtle-doves in the parlor?' he continued, directing his attention to the dinner tray. 'I maun joost see that the cook's 's dune her duty—the creatures are no' capable o' decidin' that knotty point for their ain selves.' He took off one of the covers, and picked bits, here and there, out of the dish with the fork, 'Eh! eh! the collops are no' that bad!' He took off another cover, and shook his head in solemn doubt. 'Here's the green meat. I doot green meat's windy diet for a man at my time o' life!' He put the cover on again, and tried the next dish. 'The fesh? What the de'il does the woman fry the trout for? Boil it next time, ye betch, wi' a pinch o' saut and a spunefu' o' vinegar.' He drew the cork from a bottle of sherry, and decanted the wine. 'The sherry wine?' he said, in tones of deep feeling, holding the decanter up to the light. 'Hoo do I know but what it may be corkit? I maun taste and try. It's on my conscience, as an honest man, to taste and try.' He forthwith relieved his conscience—copiously. There was a vacant space, of no inconsiderable dimensions, left in the decanter. Mr. Bishopriggs gravely filled it up from the water-bottle. 'Eh! it's joost addin' ten years to the age o' the wine. The turtle-doves will be nane the waur—and I mysel' am a glass o' sherry the better. Praise Providence for a' its maircies!' Having relieved himself of that devout aspiration, he took up the tray again, and decided on letting the turtle-doves have their dinner.

The conversation in the parlor (dropped for the moment) had been renewed, in the absence of Mr. Bishopriggs. Too restless to remain long in one place, Anne had risen again from the sofa, and had rejoined Arnold at the window.

'Where do your friends at Lady Lundie's believe you to be now?' she asked, abruptly.

'I am believed,' replied Arnold, 'to be meeting my tenants, and taking possession of my estate.'

'How are you to get to your estate to-night?'

'By railway, I suppose. By-the-by, what excuse am I to make for going away after dinner? We are sure to have the landlady in here before long. What will she say to my going off by myself to the train, and leaving 'my wife' behind me?'

'Mr. Brinkworth! that joke—if it is a joke—is worn out!'

'I beg your pardon,' said Arnold.

'You may leave your excuse to me,' pursued Anne. 'Do you go by the up train, or the down?'

'By the up train.'

The door opened suddenly; and Mr. Bishopriggs appeared with the dinner. Anne nervously separated herself from Arnold. The one available eye of Mr. Bishopriggs followed her reproachfully, as he put the dishes on the table.

'I warned ye baith, it was a clean impossibility to knock at the door this time. Don't blame me, young madam —don't blame me!'

'Where will you sit?' asked Arnold, by way of diverting Anne's attention from the familiarities of Father Bishopriggs.