“For what?”
“Twenty years ago?”
“There?s nothing to forgive,” I lied. “Those things happen.”
She shook her head slowly and moved closer. “No,” she said, “there?s a lot to forgive. A lot to forget,
if you can forget that kind of thing.”
“What kind of thing?”
“You know what I?m talking about,” she said evasively.
“Look, Doe, I. .
She put the tip of the crop against my lips, cutting off the sentence.
“Please don?t say anything. I?m afraid you?re going to say something I don?t want to hear.”
I didn?t know how to answer that, sc I just stood there like a fool, grinning awkwardly, wondering if
we could be seen from outside the stall. If we could, it didn?t seem to concern her. She stepped even
closer, put the riding crop behind my neck, and, holding it with both hands, drew me closer. Her
mouth opened a hair, her eyes narrowed.
“Oh, God, I?m so sorry,” she whispered. “I never wanted to hurt you. I didn?t know Chief had written
that letter until Teddy told me. You just stopped writing and calling, like you?d died.”
“The phone works both ways,” I heard myself say, and I thought,
Shut up, you fool, play it out. Let her talk. You?ve been dreaming about this moment for twenty years;
don?t blow it now.
“Pride,” she said. “We all have our faults. That?s one of my worst. I wanted to write, then Teddy told
me to leave you alone. He said you?d had enough. Please forgive me for being so foolish.”
I wondered if she really thought we could puff off twenty years so easily. Say we?re sorry and forget
it. Was she that sure of my vulnerability? „The armour started slipping around me but she moved
closer, six inches away, and shaking her head gently, she breathed, “There will never be anyone like
you for me. Never again. I?ve known it ever since I lost you, just as I knew you wouldn?t come last
night.”
“How did you know that?” I said, my voice sounding hoarse and uncertain.
“Because I don?t deserve it,” she said, and her lips began to tremble. “Because I wanted you to come
so much and—”
“Hey, easy,” I said, putting a finger against that full, inviting mouth.
What?s happening here? I thought. How about all the decisions I had silently made to myself the night
before? Is this all it takes to break old Kilmer down?
Yeah, that?s all it takes.
