but her. I’m no different. I sit here feeling sorry for my own troubles.” She turned to him. “When they made us see the films, you know what I did? I turned my head.”
Jake looked up. His own first reaction, a bony hand pulling him back to make him see.
“And after, people were quiet, and then it began. ‘How could the Russians make us look at that? They’re no better. Think of the bombing, how we suffered.’ Anything to put it out of their minds. I was no different. I didn’t want to look either. And then it’s on your couch.”
Jake said nothing, watching her move toward the easy chair, running her hand along the back.
“You expect too much from us,” she said. “To live with this. All murderers.”
“I never said—”
“No, just some of us. Which ones? You want me to look at my husband. ‘Was it you?’ Frau Dzuris’ son? My brother, maybe. ‘Were you one of them?’ How can I ask? Maybe he was. So I’m like the others. I know and I don’t know.”
“Except, this once, you do.”
She looked down. “He’s still something to me.”
Jake stood and went over to the table, rifled through his papers, and pulled out a file. “Read it again,” he said, holding it out to her. “Then tell me how much. I’m going for a walk.”
“Don’t leave.” Her eyes moved down to the folder. “See how he comes between us.”
“Then don’t put him there.”
“You expect too much,” she said again. “We owe him something.”
“And paid it off at the Adlon. We owe him something,” he said, nodding his head at the couch.
She sank onto the broad arm of the chair. “Yes, and how do you pay? What are you going to arrange for him? Imagine his life in Germany. Renate’s child.”
“No one will know.”
“Someone will. You can’t save him from that.” She had slumped forward, staring at her bare feet.
“You want to keep him,” he said.
She shook her head. “A German mother? And one day he looks at me-‘Were you one of them?’ No, he should have a Jewish home. She paid for that.”
“Then we’ll find one.”
“Just like that. You think there are so many left?”
“I’ll talk to Bernie. Maybe he knows someone.”
“An answer for everything,” she said, breathing out in a half-sigh. She got up and began to pace, caged, arms folded across her chest. “Everything’s so easy for you.”
“You’re not. Not tonight. What is it, Lena?” he said, watching her back as she crossed the room, as if he could follow her mood, slippery as mercury.
“I don’t know.” She took another step, then stopped, facing the bedroom door. “And I’m the one who wanted him here. Anything but the Russians, that’s all I could think. And now he’s here-now what? I’m angry at him. Then angry at you. I listen to you and I think, he’s right-and I don’t want you to be right. Maybe it’s personal with me too. So it’s a fine mess.” She paused. “I don’t want you to be right about him.”
“I can’t make the files go away,” Jake said quietly.
“I know,” she said, rubbing her sleeve. “I know. But don’t let it be you. Let someone else—”
She bit her lower lip.
“Is that what you want?”
She looked up at the ceiling, head back, reading the plaster for an answer.
“Me? What do I want? I was thinking before, how it would be if none of it had ever happened.” She lowered her head, looking past him, her voice slowly drifting again. “What I want? Shall I tell you? I want to stay in Berlin. It’s my home, even like this. Work with Fleischman, maybe-he needs me, someone to help. Then after, I’ll come home and cook. Did you know I could? My mother said it’s something a man will always appreciate.” She raised her eyes to his, taking him in now. “So we’ll eat dinner and be together. And once in a while we’ll go out, get dressed up and go out together. And we’ll be at a party, it’ll be nice, and I’ll turn around and you’ll be looking at me, the way you did at the Press Club. And nobody will know, just me. That’s all. Millions of people live like that. A normal life. Can you arrange that?“
He reached out his hand, but she ignored it, still wrapped up in herself.
“Not in Berlin, I think. Not even an American can arrange that now.“ Contents — Previous Chapter / Next Chapter
CHAPTER NINETEEN
It was Gunther who chose the place.
“Not the station. It’s too exposed. And there’s Herr Brandt to consider. ”
“Emil? I’m not taking Emil.”
“You must. It’s Brandt he wants. He won’t show himself for you.” He got up with his coffee, cold sober, and walked to the map. “Imagine what he’s thinking. He can’t lose him again. If you’re alone, what has he accomplished, even if he kills you? Still no Brandt. No, he wants a simple pickup. You don’t suspect anything, so he surprises you, and he takes Brandt away. Or both of you. You for later. But the meeting must happen somewhere he can’t risk drawing attention. If he kills you there, he’ll lose everything. You need that protection.”
“I can take care of myself,” Jake said, touching the gun on his hip.
Gunther turned, the beginning of a smile on his face. “So it’s true. Americans say such things. I thought only in Karl May.” He glanced at the bookshelf. “But in real life, foolish, I think. In real life, you get protection.”
“Where? I still have to do it alone. There’s no one I can trust.”
“Do you trust me?” He caught Jake’s eye and, almost embarrassed, turned back to the map. “Then you won’t be alone.” “You’re going to cover me? I thought you—”
“Someone has to. In a police operation, always use a partner. Two set the trap. One, the cheese. The other, the spring. Snap.” He clicked his fingers. “He thinks he surprises you, but I surprise him. Otherwise—” He paused, thinking. “But we need protection.” “There’s nowhere in Berlin with that much protection.” “Except tomorrow,” Gunther said. “What occurred to me was to use the American army.” “What?”
“You know they parade tomorrow, all the Allies. So we meet here,” he said, putting his finger on Unter den Linden. “In the Russian zone?”
“Herr Geismar, even the Russians won’t shoot you in front of the American army.” He shrugged. “Very well.” He moved his finger left, past the Brandenburg Gate. “The reviewing stand will be here, inside the British zone.” “Just.”
“It doesn’t matter, as long as the army is there. So, opposite the reviewing stand. Stay in the crowd.”
“If I’m that protected, why would I go away with him?” “Well, he might have a gun in your back. Discreet, but persuasive. That’s what I would do. ‘Come quietly,’” he said in a policeman’s voice. “They usually do.”
“If that’s the way the Russians play it.”
“They will. I’m going to suggest it to them.” He turned from the map. “The problem is, we don’t know. I would feel better if we knew who to expect. Now we wait until the last minute-his surprise. You can set the trap, but a surprise is never safe. Logic is safe.”
“I know, follow the points. Find anything in the persilscheins?” Jake said, glancing at the table.
“No, nothing,” Gunther said glumly. “But there must be some point we’re missing. There is always a logic to a crime.”
“If we had the time to look for it. I’m out of leads. My last one died with Sikorsky.“
Gunther shook his head. “No, something else. There must be. I was thinking, you know, about Potsdam, that day in the market.”
“We know that was him.”
“Yes, but why then? It must be a point, the when. Something happened to make him strike then. Why not before? If we knew that—”
“You don’t give up, do you?” Jake said, impatient.
