The Three Colonels

“I think I need a drink,” said Hurst.

Rather than chastised, Sir John was pleased. Once again, Caroline had passed a test.

*   *   *

Caroline had heard of Sir John Buford, Colonel of Cavalry in His Majesty’s ——nd Light Dragoons, awarded the Bath for his actions in Spain with Wellesley, now Duke of Wellington. He was celebrated as dashing, brave, well off, charming, intelligent, and exceptionally handsome. It was also whispered that he was a rake and cuckolder—a seducer of bored ladies of the ton. If Caroline believed half of the stories Annabella Adams, now Mrs. Norris, told about him, it would seem he bedded a quarter of the well-bred wives in London.

Caroline gave the man no notice. If she wanted a thirty-year-old soldier, there was always Mr. Darcy’s cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam. Consequently, she was completely mystified when Sir John began to seek out her company at Almack’s. He asked for the supper dance and was very gallant towards her.

At first, she was amused. If Sir John thought he was going to get under her petticoat, he had another thought coming. But as the weeks went on, she continually met him at dances, at dinner parties, and in the park. It seemed the man went out of his way to put himself in her path. He was always the perfect gentleman. Never once did he attempt to take advantage of her, and their conversations were not the flirtatious ones of would-be lovers. Instead, they talked of music, family, and even current events. Their conversations seemed to be more interview than courtship.

As spring turned to summer, Caroline found that Sir John visited her several times a week. She had to admit she enjoyed his company and looked forward to their talks, but she was disturbed as well. It was true she was five-and-twenty, but her reputation was all she had. Was she endangering her future by encouraging such a man?

She could tell that Charles, Jane, and even Louisa were uneasy as well. Strangely enough, the Darcys did not seem concerned in the least that she was so often in Sir John’s company. At first, Caroline thought the former animosity between the two ladies had reasserted itself, but it turned out that Eliza and Darcy had received such good reports of Sir John from both Colonel Fitzwilliam and another acquaintance of theirs, a Colonel Brandon, they seemed to promote the gentleman. Caroline thought it odd that people as upright as the Darcys would claim close acquaintance with a man of Sir John’s reputation, but she was relieved, too. Yet she remained undecided.

In August, Caroline attended a ball given by an acquaintance of her friend, Annabella. She had begun to distance herself from Sir John, uncertain of her feelings or his intentions. Unfortunately, the attentions paid to Caroline by the colonel had affected her reputation in at least one person’s mind. In a darkened hallway, an inebriated Sir Horace Washburn began taking liberties with Caroline’s person, declaring his desire to take her as his mistress. Outraged beyond words, she had only begun to fight back when the baronet was snatched bodily from her person. Sir John, in a cool rage, looked the villain full in the face before casting the drunken man to the floor. In a clipped, emotionless voice, he informed Washburn that should he touch Miss Bingley again, he would not call him out but simply run him through. With only a word of concern for her physical state, he seized Caroline’s arm and escorted her home to Bingley House in silence.

A few days later, Sir John called upon her, acting as if the incident had never happened.

Finally, as September began to fade and Caroline’s time in London was coming to an end, she felt the need to settle her thoughts. When Sir John called, she suggested a walk to a nearby park, Abigail trailing behind as chaperone.

“Sir John, I apologize for not doing so before, but I must thank you for the uncommon gallantry you showed on my behalf last month with Sir Horace,” she began.

“Think nothing of it. Any gentleman would do the same for a lady in distress,” he replied.

Any gentleman? she thought. Does he have no feelings for me? “That may be, sir, but it is you who have earned my thanks.” They walked on in silence for the next few minutes, Caroline’s feelings in turmoil. They came to a rather private spot along the walk, and Sir John suggested a rest. Caroline was puzzled by his choice, especially when he did not join her on the bench. Instead, he held up his hand, indicating that Abigail should keep her distance, and looked up at the sky.

“I understand you are to leave London for Hertfordshire soon,” he began.

“Yes, my brother is removing to a new estate recently purchased in Nottinghamshire. My family needs me to help prepare for the move.”

“It is a fine thing to own one’s own place,” he replied rather offhandedly. “I am sure your sister will miss her relations.”

“That is true, to be sure. Mrs. Bingley would be very affected were not her sister, Mrs. Darcy, residing in the next county.”

“Of course, of course. Pemberley is in Derbyshire. How would you like living that far north?”

How would I like living there? How can he ask that, knowing my pursuit of Mr. Darcy? she thought. “Very well, I think, but one place is like another.”

“I see.” He was silent for a while. “Miss Bingley, I have a request. May I be permitted, or do I ask too much, to call upon you in Nottinghamshire?”

Surprised by the request, she blurted out, “Why?”

“Why?”

In for a penny, she thought. “Yes, why? What are your intentions, Colonel?”

“My intentions?” he cried. “They should be clear enough!”

Caroline was horrified. It is as I feared. He wants me for his mistress.

Sir John paced about in an agitated manner, muttering, “Too soon, too soon,” then he paused and took a breath. “Please forgive my outburst. It was not my intention to speak now; you do not know me well enough. But, madam, you force my hand! I shall speak, and then my fate shall be in your hands. But before I make my request known to you, I must ask you to indulge me this small thing. I must speak about my past. Will you allow me to speak my part in full before you respond? Afterwards I shall answer any questions you have. Please grant me this favor. I know I ask much.”

Caroline silently nodded.

“My reputation has preceded me, I fear, and I must, in all good conscience, make this confession. I have not lived as I should. I know this, and I am ashamed. Some men make light of this; they are ‘men of the world,’ but I know better. For some time, I have failed as a gentleman.” He smiled slightly. “I am sure you have heard tales.”

Caroline blanched.

“Be not alarmed, madam,” he quickly added, “I may have lived selfishly, but as God is my witness, I have never compromised the innocence of any maiden, low or high born. And I have never forced my attentions upon any woman. All of my… associations have been with aggressive, experienced partners from among the ton—”

“Other men’s wives, you mean!” Caroline could not help blurting out.

“If you speak of women—I do not use the term ladies—who hold their marriage vows so lightly that they flirt with their lovers at Westminster Cathedral itself, then yes, that is who I mean. But know this—I was not their first, and I was certainly not their last! Do not pity their husbands. They are too busy with their own dalliances to mind their duties, as you so unfortunately discovered.” At this, Caroline blushed and turned away. “Forgive me—I have distressed you.”

“No, I am well, I assure you,” Caroline replied.

“You are too kind,” Sir John said softly. He looked out into the greenery about them. “I tell you these things not to excuse my behavior—for it cannot be excused—but that you know the whole truth of it. I sought no one out. I was always approached. But I was weak. I sought a few moments pleasure and found emptiness.” He sighed and turned to her. “You, so pure, cannot know how pathetic a life I lived.”

Can I not, Colonel?

“Three years ago, I suddenly saw the waste my life had become. I saw men die for friends, for their king, for a flag! I vowed to be worthy of them, of my late father—to be a gentleman again. Since my return to Britain, I have lived as I should, no matter what the gossips of society say. I have reformed. I give you my word before God as an officer in the king’s army.”

Caroline was silent for a while. The colonel’s confession had the ring of truth. What mortification he must have suffered to make such a declaration! How was she to judge him, given her sins?