the cross, paid the jeweler immediately 60 louis d'or in cash and wrote a promise to pay the remainder the next day. I played the part of the girl who is upset because she is modest and unselfish, up to the hilt.
“Now, really, dear Baron, that is the height of absurdity! That is truly overstepping the boundaries of generosity. I will be very frank with you. You did not give me any pleasure with such a gesture. I believe there is nothing wrong with accepting some small knick-knacks from somebody one likes and to whom a girl is dearly attracted; but, honestly… this is too much! I really cannot make up my mind whether I should accept this.”
While I said these things, the dunce hung the cross around my neck, whereupon I went into my bedroom, deeply in thought. He followed me. And without making him drool too long, I allowed him to cash in on my gratitude at the foot of my bed for the 8,000 francs he had just spent; without losing the illusion of my natural tenderness so that the blockhead firmly believed I liked him for his good characteristics and my attraction for his person rather than for the beautiful gift I had so cunningly wheedled out of him.
I had informed Monsieur de Gr… M… the previous night about my intentions to give the purse of my noble suitor a thorough bloodletting, and he did not fail to show up that afternoon to accept a gift of a beautiful golden snuff box a la Maubois as his broker's fee. Since he did not have to go to the Opera that night, we had dinner together. And both of us had good reason to be very satisfied with our finished business. Cheer was the main course of our dinner. The baron was in such a good mood that he kept paying us his Germanic compliments in the most monstrously mangled language. But the constant wetting of his throat took away the last remnants of what little sound mind he had and we finally had to send him on his way, drunk as a Lord, to his own home.
After this successful test of his generosity, I thought that I would do much better if I did not attach myself to him completely but kept up my role of the passionate woman carrying a torch. This behavior of mine was far more successful than I had dared dream. The month had hardly passed ere I was in possession of a complete service, including all the flatware. Even though it will always remain true that foreign generosities cause hostility rather than gratitude, the friendly act I had to perform almost daily nearly caused me to seriously fall in love with the baron. Habit breeds intimacy, if I may paraphrase, and one becomes accustomed to the slight faults of people who are our daily acquaintances. Even though my German baron was terribly foul-mouthed and stupid, I deemed him gradually less unsympathetic. But, suddenly, a terrible impropriety he committed made him irrevocably repulsive to me.
As I have mentioned before, he was in the habit of drinking quite a lot. And unfortunately he felt himself more attracted to me whenever he was in that condition. So after we had spent one day in a rather uncommunicative manner and I had decided to go to bed after dinner, the stupid glutton stumbled over the door step, lost his equilibrium and fell flat on his face on my parquet floor. In his condition that tumble could not have been harmless and when they tried to lift him up, he did not move and his face was covered with blood. If I had had the opportunity to faint, I would not have hesitated to do so. But he needed help badly so I decided instead to run into my dressing room, and I returned with three or four bottles.
Since I believed the damage to be more serious than it was in reality, I was not just satisfied with washing his face and rinsing his mouth. I also wanted to administer a teaspoonful of wonderwater. But the dirty bum had barely tasted a few drops of it ere he started to heave, and threw up three quarters of his dinner right in my face. I could try in vain, since I would not be able to describe this disgusting scene, so let it suffice to say that I almost heaved blood, that I had to change gowns and almost used four louis d'or worth of perfumes and creams to cleanse myself. I was so furious that I had him thrown out of my home and gave his manservant the message that he could tell his Master never to set foot in my house again.
When the baron, upon awakening the next morning, found out what had happened and received the message I had given him, he nearly went out of his mind. He wrote me several letters but I refused to accept them. Finally he realized that a visit to Monsieur de Gr… M… was his last resort. And by doing so, our pigeon had delivered himself into the talons of a hawk. That shrewd panderer did not dream of alleviating the baron's fears. Instead, he accused him of criminal behavior and decided that there was simply not one single ground for attaining my forgiveness. The poor, utterly devastated baron cried, howled, groaned and made such a complete fool of himself that Monsieur de Gr… M… began to fear that the man would be dumb enough to hang himself, in which case we would have been left holding the bag. He therefore deemed it wiser to change his pitch.
“You have an affair with the nicest, kindest most forgiving girl in the world,” he told the baron, “and that may be the saving grace in your case. Even though the insult you committed toward her is almost unbelievable, I have no doubt that your true penitence and humility will not fail to soften her heart sooner or later. I have good reason to believe this, because I happen to know that she is hopelessly in love with you and that the certain pride with which she arms herself is merely because she deems it improper to show you her true feelings. Nevertheless, she always fails completely in keeping up her guard all the time, and in those instances she invariably decides in your favor. Why, just yesterday… no, no, let me finish… Yesterday, I said, she was unable to keep back her tears when I happened to mention your name. She even confessed to me that she had never met anybody, no matter who it might have been, who had caused her to love so tenderly as you did. You can be assured: the poor child has not slept more than four hours altogether since you two had your little quarrel. And do you really want to know how much bad luck she is suffering? While she is about to collapse under the burden of her grief — which you caused her to suffer — some asinine decorator wants to sell her furniture for a pittance because she owes him two thousand thaler.”
“Vivat!” exclaimed the baron while he embraced him. “Without realizing it, you have just offered me the most wonderful opportunity to make my peace with her. I insist upon taking over her debts. Tomorrow morning I will pay that scoundrel, or he will find himself without any more clients in all of Paris.”
“I'll be…” retorted Monsieur de Gr… M… “That is a marvelous thought. Though the idea is so simple, it wouldn't have occurred to me in a hundred years! But it is truly worthy of a noble gentleman like yourself and a boon to the darling creature that inspired you to it. Yes I fully agree with you. It is well nigh impossible to think of a better way to conquer her grudge against you. She is far too tenderhearted not to be touched to the very depths of her sweet soul by the nobility of such a generous gesture. I would advise you to get the money as quickly as possible and return to me immediately. I will take care of the rest.”
Well, the sacrificial lamb was in so much of a hurry that de Gr… M… brought him to me the very next day, carrying two hundred and fifty beautiful new louis d'or. At the melodious sound of these gold coins a river of tears sprang up in my eyes and the whole situation became so melodramatic that the baron bleated like a sheep. Our reconciliation was so touching that I almost fainted because of a laughing fit.
One has to be as phlegmatic as de Gr… M… to watch a ridiculous scene like that with a stone face. After the heart-rending manner in which we made up for our little disagreement, the love and generosity of the baron became so great that I could have taken him for all he was worth had it not been for his upright father who had been informed from time to time about the most unusual invoices his dear son was paying. And one day this man arrived from Paris to personally tear the refugee Adonis from Hamburg out of my embraces.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN. THE CAVALIER
Because of the enormous contribution I had managed to wrangle out of enemy territory, I had decided to be maintained exclusively by foreigners and thus increase my fortune rapidly, since I had absolutely no desire to grow old in my trade. According to my calculations I should be able to find three or four more blockheads like the last one who could feather my nest for the remainder of my career. But that case had been an exception and he was not that easily replaced.
To avoid idleness, I decided to make some raids among my compatriots and try to find a fitting replacement for my baron.
It was an established custom among the mattresses to frequent those places where society usually gathered. It meant that we had said our farewells to our keepers and implied that both our hearts and homes were vacant and for rent. Following this time-honored and profitable custom, I showed up at those places that were most frequented, except at les Tuileries which we avoided ever since the painful experience of Mademoiselle Durocher.
The Palais Royal was a territory as suitable and proper, and by hallowed tradition just as fitting as the Opera, which meant that we were completely free in these public gardens to be-have like proper ladies and allow the passersby full view of our charms, our artful make-up and our voluptuous gowns, without fear of retaliation. In vain,
