could not bear to think.
He put out his hand, but he did not touch her. A shudder
of revulsion shook him and he scrambled to his feet. He hur-
ried back into the apartment with only one thought. He must
get someone to help her. Only the Medicorps could take care
of a situation like this.
As he stood at the visiophone, he knew that this involuntary
act of panic had betrayed all that he had ever thought
and done. He had to call the Medicorps. He could not face
the result of his own behaviour without them. Like a ghostly
after-image, he saw Clara's face on the screen. She was lost,
cut off, with only himself to depend on.
A part of him, a place where there were no voices and a
great tragedy, had been abruptly shut off. He stood stupidly
confused and disturbed about something he couldn't recall.
The emotion in his body suddenly had no referent. He stood
like a badly frightened animal while his heart slowed and
blood seeped again into whitened parenchymas, while tides
of epinephrine burned lower.
Remembering he must hurry, Bill left the apartment. It
was an apartment with its storage-room door closed, an apart-
ment without a storage-room.
From the moment that he walked in and took Clara in his
arms, he was not worried about being caught. He felt only
the great need for her. There seemed only one difference from
the first time and it was a good difference, because now
Clara was so tense and apprehensive. He felt a new tender-
ness for her, as one might feel for a child. It seemed to him
that there was no end to the well of gentleness and compas-
sion that was suddenly in him. He was mystified by the depth
of his feeling. He kissed her again and again and petted her
as one might a disturbed child.
Clara said, 'Oh Bill, we're doing wrong! Mary was here
yesterday!'
Whoever she meant, it had no meaning for him. He said,
'It's all right. You mustn't worry.'
'She needs you, Bill, and I take you away from her.'
Whatever it was she was talking about was utterly unim-
portant beside the fact that she was not happy herself. He
soothed her. 'Darling you mustn't worry about it. Let's be
happy the way we used to be.'
He led her to a couch and they sat together, her head
resting on his shoulder.
'Conrad is worried about me. He knows something is
wrong. Oh, Bill, if he knew, he'd demand the worst penalty
for you.'
Bill felt the stone of fear come back in his chest. He
thought, too, of Helen, of how intense her shame would be.
Medicorps action would be machine-like, logical as a set
of equation; they were very likely to take more drastic steps
