“And I accepted their concern and care of me as an unquestioned right. I took and took and took and gave nothing-” Remorse was sharper than the pain that made the other cry out and struggle on the thin bedclothes.
Think no more highly of yourself than you should. The voice had stopped. Now the words ran in ribbons of flames, wavering before my closed eyes, searing the tears dry.
To whom much is given, much is expected. Who would be first must be last. Who would be greatest must be the servant of all.
Whatsoever you do unto the least of these—
Then suddenly the separation was over and the three of me coalesced in a quick blind rush and I listened blissfully to the lusty, outraged cry of My Child.
“Oh, Thann!” I whispered as I slid into a cloud of comfort and relaxation. “Oh, Thann, he’s here. Our child-our Thann-too.”
“You’re mighty sure, aren’t you?” Glory’s voice was amused. “But you’re right. He’s a boy.”
I pushed sleep away from me a little to fret, “Let .me see my poor naked baby. All his little clothes-“
“Not so naked,” said Glory. “Here, hold him while I get things squared around.” She laid the blanket-wrapped bundle beside me and I lifted up on one elbow to look down into the miracle of the face of my child. I brushed my forefinger across the dark featherdown of his damp hair and lost myself in the realization that here was Child Within. This was what had been Becoming, serenely untouched, within me during all the tumultuous things that had happened. I protested from my half sleep when Glory came back for my child.
“Just going to dress him,” said Glory. “You can have him back.” .
“Dress him?” I asked fuzzily.
“Yes,” said Glory, unwrapping the blanket. “I had that sugar-sack gown in my shoe box and them old pillowcases make pretty soft diapers. Not very wetproof though, I’m afraid.”
“A boy?” It was Seth’s voice, shaken but clear-his first words since the cabin.
“A boy!” Glory’s voice was a hymn of thankfulness. “Want to see him?”
“Sure. Us men gotta stick together!”
I lay and smiled to keep from crying as I heard their murmuring over my child.
“Dark like Davy,” Glory finally said softly. “Well, better give him back, I guess.” She laid him beside me.
“Glory,” I said, “the gown could have been for Davy’s child. So you and Seth must be grandparents for my Thann-too.”
“I-” Glory bit her lips and smoothed his blanket with a trembling hand. “We-” She swallowed hard. “Sure. It’s a pleasure.”
“Hey, Grandma,” called Seth, hardly above a whisper. “I could do with some coffee!”
“Okay, Grampa, keep your shirt on,” said Glory. “One coffee coming up!”
That night after Glory had got us all settled and the nickel light was tucked under a rusty tin can and sleep was flowing warmly around us all, I roused a little and leaned up on one elbow, instinctively curving myself around the precious bundle of my child. The wheel-stove glowed on, taking a little of the raw chill off the rocky room. Glory and Seth were sleeping on the other side of the wheel, their bedding augmented by one of the blankets Jemmy had left. When I told Glory where they were, but not where they came from, she got them and, looking at me over the folded bulk of them, opened her mouth, closed it again, and silently spread one blanket for me and one fur them. Now they were both asleep and I was awake listening to the “voice of many waters, praising-” and added my praise to theirs. Outside, the sky was clearing, but the murmuring lap of the waters reminded that the numberless creeks in the hills had not yet emptied themselves and the tide was rising higher.
I turned over in my mind the odd duality of events of the night. I heard and saw again all the accusations, all the admonitions. They must have all been waiting for just such a chance when the Distorted Me wasn’t watching, to break through and confront me with myself. I had known all the words before. Their pertinent wisdom had been familiar to The People before they ever arrived on Earth and it was one of the endearing things of Earth that we had there found such beautifully rhythmic paraphrases of them.
As I had laid down the burden of Child Within only to assume the greater burden of Thann-too, so also must I lay down the burden of my spoiled-brat self and take up the greater burden of my responsibility as one of The People toward Glory and Seth and whatever the Power sent into my life. Jemmy had been right. I wasn’t of The People. I had made myself more of an Outsider than an Outsider, even. Well, remorse is useless except insofar as it changes your way of doing things. And change I would-the Power being my helper.
Then I closed my eyes and felt them begin to dampen a little, as I wondered wistfully how long it would be before Jemmy would come again. Thann-too stirred in the curve of my arm. I looked down into the shadow that held him. “But I do think Jemmy was unnecessarily hard on Child Within!” I whispered as I gathered the warm little life closer.
“I do, too,” came a voice-subvocally.
Startled, I glanced up. There were two of them standing in the cave entrance.
“And I told him so, too.” The figures moved in, quiet inches above the crunch of the mine floor. “Remember me, Debbie? It’s Valancy. Maybe you’ve forgotten-“
“Forgotten? Oh, Valancy!” And we were hugging each other tightly. There was a lovely, warm intermingling of thoughts among the three of us, and all sorts of explanations-Jemmy had had no idea Child Within was so nearly ready to be born-and apologies-“If I’d had any idea, but when you-” and acceptances and reasons why and such things as Necessary Patterns-“Since you had the situation in hand I went to see if someone else—” until finally, chastened and relaxed, I watched Valancy cuddling my child.
How could I ever have forgotten Jemmy and Valancy-the glamorous Grown-ups-the Old Ones of the Group of my People in Cougar Canyon, when the Canyon was still habitable. We had all waved them good-by when our ship left for the Home so long ago.
“You can look,” said Valancy to Jemmy. “But don’t touch.” Then she contradicted herself by putting the sleeping
