“Please don’t crack your knuckles,” she reminded him.
He stopped and picked up his pencil. “You’l miss my school holiday program”
“I’l be home for Christmas though. And your mom can tape your program for me.”
On the surface, it looked like a nice family scene. Like Moclips. Mother, father, and child, and Autumn got that uncomfortably anxious feeling in her stomach again. Like the nice picture wouldn’t last. That at some point it would crumble at her feet. She was no longer afraid that Sam would backslide and put his son on hold while he lived the hard-partying life of a popular athlete. Some switch had flipped in Sam, and he truly wanted to be the father Conner needed. But that didn’t make them a family. It never would, and she worried that Conner might get the wrong idea. That he might start to hope for things that just weren’t going to happen. So far, he seemed okay. He hadn’t mentioned Sam moving in for a while.
“Your
“Language, Dad.”
He glanced down at Conner. “What did I say now?”
“Damn.”
“Oh. I don’t think damn real y counts.”
At nine o’clock, Sam put Conner to bed, and Autumn moved into the kitchen to answer the telephone hooked to the wal next to the refrigerator.
“Hey, sis.”
She walked to the sliding glass door, stretching the long cord. “Hi, Vince.”
“Are you busy?”
It was definitely not a good time for a visit. “Yeah. I’m putting Conner to bed,” she lied. “And then I think I’l hit the sheets myself.” With Sam.
“At nine?”
“Yeah. It’s been a busy day.” She looked out onto the dark deck and the yard beyond. “What’s up?”
“I’m on a break and just wanted to ask you what to get Conner for Christmas.”
She smiled. “Wel , he told me he wants Santa to bring him a Harley like yours.”
Vince laughed, something she didn’t hear often enough.
“I told him he wasn’t big enough, and he said I could ride on the back and put my legs down to hold us up.”
“Maybe someday, but in the meantime, anything else he wants?”
Even though he’d never admit it to himself, Vince was lonely. Why else would a thirty-five-year-old man cal his sister at 9:00 P.M. to ask what his nephew wanted for Christmas? “He has his eyes on some Lego race cars.”
“That’l be fun. Do you have to share him this year with the idiot?”
“The idiot” chose that moment to walk into the kitchen. Autumn spun around and put a finger to her lips. “Yeah. I think Sam has him in the morning this year.”
“I wonder how much it would cost me to have him kil ed.”
“Vince, don’t even talk like that.” She looked at Sam, standing there with his arms across his long-sleeved T- shirt, al bel igerent. “I gotta go and make sure Conner didn’t put his jammies on backward.”
“Tel him I love him.”
“I wil .” She walked back across the kitchen. “Bye,” she said, and hung up the phone
“Was that your brother?”
“Yep.”
“You didn’t mention I was here.”
“Nope.” She shook her head and looked over at him. “Vince hates you, and I just didn’t want to deal with the stress of that right now.”
“I had a sister once, too, and she had a man in her life that I absolutely hated.” He moved toward her and took her hand. “I understand your brother. I don’t like him, but I understand him.”
“I understand why he doesn’t want me in your life. I believe him when he says he isn’t going to let it happen.”
Her lips parted. “What? Vince said that? When?”
“It doesn’t matter.” He shook his head, determination crowding his brow. “Al that matters is that you believe I’m not going to let your brother stand between me and my family.”
She took a step back. “You and Conner.”
“What?”
“Stand between you and Conner.”
“Yeah. That’s what I said.”
No. That hadn’t been what he’d said. This wasn’t about family. It was about him spending time with Conner and having sex with her. It wasn’t about her fal ing in love and hoping for things that weren’t going to happen. It wasn’t about being a part of a beautiful wedding and a white-picket-fences and happily-ever-afters.
She moved into the living room, her thoughts a speeding mess. It wasn’t about eating dinner and Conner doing homework with his dad. What was she doing? And what if Vince found out she was sleeping with Sam? He’d blow a gasket, and she wasn’t so sure he had many more to blow. She was confused and raw and didn’t want to think about it. Not then. The next day, when Sam was gone, and she could think. “Why did you hate the man in your sister’s life?” she asked.
“Because he was a control ing son of a bitch.”
She moved to the big picture window and looked down at Sam’s red truck in the driveway. If they were real y a family, it would be in the garage. Next to her Subaru. “What happened?”
He was silent for so long she didn’t think he was going to answer. She glanced over at him, standing in the middle of the room. A tal powerful man, a deep furrow pul ing his brows together over his blue eyes. “He kil ed her.” He looked away. “When she final y got the nerve to leave him, he hunted her down and shot her.”
Her heart dropped, and she turned to face him. In an instant, her own thoughts forgotten. “Sam.”
“I was across the country enjoying my life. Living in Toronto, then—” He shrugged and glanced back at her. “Then my life stopped.”
Without thinking about it, she moved toward him. “When did she die?”
“June 13.”
The date was not lost on Autumn, and she recal ed his mentioning something about his sister’s death in Vegas years ago.
“She was young and smart and beautiful and had a wonderful life planned for herself. She wanted to teach little kids.” He paused and shrugged a shoulder. “Instead, we had to plan a funeral and box up her stuff.”
Without thinking, Autumn wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her cheek against his heart. “I know what it’s like to put a person’s whole life into boxes. I’m sorry.”
He was so stiff, like stone covered in warm skin. “She was my little sister, and I was supposed to take care of her. Our dad died when she was ten, and she depended on me. I helped her with her homework and bought her first prom dress. I was supposed to keep her safe. I didn’t.”
She’d never known any of that. She’d known his sister had died, but not the details. “It wasn’t your fault, Sam.”
“I know that now, but I felt so guilty and pissed off for so long.” He raised a hand to the top of her head and slid his fingers down the back of her hair. She felt his muscles relax a bit. “I stil feel El a’s loss. I stil get pissed about it, but I don’t take it out on myself or anyone else so much these days.”
She listened to the heavy thud of his heart and turned her face to press her lips into his chest. She’d always thought Sam was superficial. Interested in momentary pleasure, and he was, but there was also something deeper behind his blue eyes. Something he liked to keep hidden. The boy who’d fil ed his father’s shoes and the disciplined man who’d worked hard to reach his goals lay beneath that charming smile.
“For years after that,” he continued, “I did some reckless, reckless things. You were part of that reckless fal out.”
She looked up into his face, at his strong jaw so tight.
