The Grim Smile of the Five Towns

his exploits in cigarette-making, the purchase of rare books, the interpretation of music, even (for a wager) the drinking of beer, but I knew that I should never be able to keep a match alight in a breeze. He threw the match into the mud, and in the mud it continued miraculously to burn with a large flame, as though still under his magic dominion. There are some things that baffle the reasoning faculty. ‘Well,’ I said, ‘she must have been a pretty woman once.’

‘“Pretty,” by God!’ he replied, ‘she was beautiful. She was considered the finest piece in Hanbridge at one time. And let me tell you we’re supposed to have more than our share of good looks in the Five Towns.’

‘What—the women, you mean?’

‘Yes.’

‘And she never married?’

‘No.’

‘Nor—anything?’

‘Oh no,’ he said carelessly.

‘But you don’t mean to tell me she’s never—’ I was just going to exclaim, but I did not, I said: ‘And it’s her sister who is Mrs Colclough?’

‘Yes.’ He seemed to be either meditative or disinclined to talk. However, my friends have sometimes hinted to me that when my curiosity is really aroused, I am capable of indiscretions.

‘So one sister rattles about in an expensive motor-car, and the other serves behind a bar!’ I observed.

He glanced at me.

‘I expect it’s a bit difficult for you to understand,’ he answered; ‘but you must remember you’re in a democratic district. You told me once you knew Exeter. Well, this isn’t a cathedral town. It’s about a century in front of any cathedral town in the world. Why, my good sir, there’s practically no such thing as class distinction here. Both my grandfathers were working potters. Colclough’s father was a joiner who finished up as a builder. If Colclough makes money and chooses to go to Paris and get the best motor-car he can, why in Hades shouldn’t his wife ride in it? If he is fond of music and can play like the devil, that isn’t his sister-in-law’s fault, is it? His wife was a dressmaker, at least she was a dressmaker’s assistant. If she suits him, what’s the matter?’

‘But I never suggested—’

‘Excuse me,’ he stopped me, speaking with careful and slightly exaggerated calmness, ‘I think you did. If the difference in the situations of the two sisters didn’t strike you as very extraordinary, what did you mean?’

‘And isn’t it extraordinary?’ I demanded.

‘It wouldn’t be considered so in any reasonable society,’ he insisted. ‘The fact is, my good sir, you haven’t yet quite got rid of Exeter. I do believe this place will do you good. Why, damn it! Colclough didn’t marry both sisters. You think he might keep the other sister? Well, he might. But suppose his wife had half-a-dozen sisters, should he keep them all! I can tell you we’re just like the rest of the world, we find no difficulty whatever in spending all the money we make. I dare say Colclough would be ready enough to keep his sister-in-law. I’ve never asked him. But I’m perfectly certain that his sister-in-law wouldn’t be kept. Not much! You don’t know these women down here, my good sir. She’s earned her living at one thing or another all her life, and I reckon she’ll keep on earning it till she drops. She is, without exception, the most exasperating female I ever came across, and that’s saying something; but I will give her THAT credit: she’s mighty independent.’

‘How exasperating?’ I asked, surprised to hear this from him.

‘I don’t know. But she is. If she was my wife I should kill her one night. Don’t you know what I mean?’

‘Yes, I quite agree with you,’ I said. ‘But you seemed to be awfully good friends with her.’

‘No use being anything else. No woman that it ever pleased Providence to construct is going to frighten me away from the draught Burton that you can get at the Tiger. Besides, she can’t help it. She was born like that.’

‘She TALKS quite ordinarily,’ I remarked.

‘Oh! It isn’t what she says, particularly. It’s HER. Either you like her or you don’t like her. Now Colclough thinks she’s all right. In fact, he admires her.’

‘There’s one thing,’ I said, ‘she jolly nearly cried tonight.’

‘Purely mechanical!’ said Mr Brindley with cruel curtness.

What seemed to me singular was that the relations which had existed between Miss Annie Brett and Simon Fuge appeared to have no interest whatever for Mr Brindley. He had not even referred to them.

‘You were just beginning to draw her out,’ I ventured.

‘No,’ he replied; ‘I thought I’d just see what she’d say. No one ever did draw that woman out.’

I had completely lost my vision of her in the boat, but somehow that declaration of his, ‘no one ever did draw that woman out’, partially restored the vision to me. It seemed to invest her with agreeable mystery.

‘And the other sister—Mrs Colclough?’ I questioned.

‘I’m taking you to see her as fast as I can,’ he answered. His tone implied further: ‘I’ve just humoured one of your whims, now for the other.’

‘But tell me something about her.’

‘She’s the best bridge-player—woman, that is—in Bursley. But she will only play every other night for fear the habit should get hold of her. There you’ve got her.’

‘Younger than Miss Brett?’

‘Younger,’ said Mr Brindley. ‘She isn’t the same sort of person, is she?’