know what comment was appropriate: such phrases as ‘Oh, how nice’ didn’t seem entirely suitable. What Rowena, for some reason, expected chiefly to interest me were various items of clothing, apparendy intended for some kind of dressing-up game. There was a nurse’s uniform, I remember, and also a navy blue gymslip. Rowena giggled a good deal about the gymslip, and said that it was the costume that Rupert liked her best in. It featured, evidently, in some kind of fantasy in which he undertook the role of schoolmaster. She seemed very anxious that I should try it on. The idea, to be candid, did not greatly appeal to me — I did not think it at all a becoming garment. She grew so insistent, however, that I could not politely refuse.”
Ragwort, at this point, covered his eyes with his hand in a gesture of elegant despair.
“I had accordingly put on the gymslip, and was trying to persuade Rowena that it really did not at all suit me, when the disturbance occurred. But Selena is in a better position than I am to tell you about that.”
Selena, having concluded her dealings with her sole meuniere, accepted the invitation to resume the narrative.
“The party had increased in informality, with the encouragement, I suppose, of the fudge, not to speak of various other substances being smoked or sniffed by our fellow guests. Scenes similar to that noticed by Julia in the bathroom were now occurring in various parts of the drawing-room, and Rupert had begun leaping about with a flashlight camera taking photographs of everyone. He frequently interrupted his artistic activities, however, to urge me to take my clothes off and enjoy myself — this made it very difficult for me to concentrate on
“He was evidently under some misapprehension,” I remarked, “as to the nature of your friendship.”
“Evidently — as I say, he’s a rather unsophisticated sort of person. But even if we had been on such terms as he supposed, it would still have been frightful cheek to expect us to make a public demonstration of it. I began to feel, in spite of the champagne, that it was time we were leaving. I was still waiting, however, for Julia to return from the bathroom, when, as she says, there was a disturbance — people banging loudly on the front door and shouting for admittance. Their precise words being ‘Open up there, this is the police.’” Selena paused, and thoughtfully sipped her Frascati.
CHAPTER 5
The words “Open up there, this is the police” tend to have a dampening effect on almost any social gathering. The initial response to them of Rupert’s guests had been a panic-stricken immobility, which held them frozen for several seconds in the attitudes in which the moment found them; then, disengaging with amazing rapidity from their various mutual entwinements, they had scrambled headlong for the doorway giving access to the roof, leaving their host to deal as he thought best with the unwelcome intrusion.
“Rupert,” said Selena, “failed notably to behave like a respectable householder whose home is his castle and who does not suppose himself to be living in a police state. The proper course of action for such a person, when the police demand entry, is to ask politely by what authority they do so and to take steps, before opening the door, to verify their answer. This sensible precaution has the further advantage of enabling the householder, should he happen to be dressed only in a pair of black leather bathing trunks, to change into some more orthodox costume before confronting the forces of law and order. Rupert, however, did not seem to think of this — the last of his guests had hardly disappeared from the drawing-room before he was opening his front door, with apologies for the delay, to admit his more recent visitors: two heavily bearded but quite personable young men, one tall, the other taller, wearing the distinctive uniform of the Metropolitan Police.”
Making vague reference to “information received,” they had proceeded to search the drawing-room. Rupert, green-gilled and glassy-eyed with apprehension, had offered no protest; Selena, not being present in a professional capacity, felt that it would be officious to volunteer any on his behalf. She ventured to suggest, when they took possession of the flashlight camera, that they would wish to give Rupert a receipt for it, and something was rather grudgingly scribbled on a page of one of their notebooks; otherwise her role was that of disinterested spectator. It was not until they gave signs of proposing to search the other rooms in the flat that she began to feel serious disquiet.
“I thought, you see, that if they went into the bathroom they would find Julia there, still perhaps feeling not quite well, and it might be upsetting for her.”
“As it happens,” said Julia, “I was no longer in the bathroom, but on the balcony of Rupert’s bedroom — Rowena had thought it the best place to go when the disturbance started. Something rather curious happened while we were out there — there was a snow shower. Not an ordinary snow shower, you understand, falling alike on the just and unjust, but one confined to the balcony and falling exclusively on Rowena and myself. At least, so it seemed at the time; on closer investigation, we found that what was falling on us was not snow at all, but a quantity of little twists and packets of paper. It appeared that those on the roof, thinking it inadvisable to remain in possession of whatever they had been sniffing and smoking and putting in the fudge, were attempting to dispose of the evidence; but they evidently didn’t realize that the balcony extended some distance further than the roof, so obstructing the free passage of their dejectamenta to the safe anonymity of the public highway. Selena, of course, didn’t know about this at the time.”
“No,” said Selena. “No, I didn’t. I thought, as I have said, that if the police searched the flat they would find you in the bathroom, perhaps feeling not quite well, and I felt anxious. If I had known that they would find you on the balcony, unconvincingly disguised as a schoolgirl and surrounded by little packets of illegal substances, I would not have felt less so.”
She had accordingly thought it right to inquire casually whether their visitors happened to have a search warrant or anything of that kind. The taller one, who seemed to be the spokesman, admitted that they had not; but they supposed, he said, that if Mr. Galloway had nothing to hide he wouldn’t mind them taking a look round to see that everything was aboveboard. Ignoring anguished looks and attempted disclaimers from Rupert — who fortunately, however, seemed by this time incapable of coherent speech — she answered firmly that Mr. Galloway would mind very much indeed.
“The taller one shrugged his shoulders and said that if that was our attitude they’d better go back to the station for further orders, and he hoped we wouldn’t blame them if it looked suspicious in their report. I assured him that we wouldn’t and they took their departure. Together, of course, with Rupert’s flashlight camera.”
I heard in Selena’s voice a note of irony, and the upward curve of the corners of her mouth was a fraction more pronounced than usual. I began to think that things were not what they seemed.
“While Rupert went up to the roof, to tell his guests that the forces of law and order had now retreated and they might safely return to the comfort of the drawing-room, I telephoned Mortlake police station. I told them that we had received a visit from a PC Golightly, that being the signature on the receipt for the camera, and a colleague of his whose name I did not know. They informed me that there was no one among their officers of that name, and that none of their force had been sent that evening to the address I mentioned.”
“It just shows,” said Ragwort, “how careful one should always be to behave like a respectable house-holder. Even if one isn’t.”
“Especially if one isn’t,” said Julia.
“Thinking,” continued Selena, “that Rupert would be interested in this information, I followed him on to the roof. He became, on hearing my news, extremely indignant. Uttering various intemperate threats, he went to the parapet and looked over, in the hope of catching some glimpse of the impostors making their departure. I too, from curiosity rather than indignation, tried to look over the parapet. But it was too high for me to see anything nearer than the far bank of the river. So you do see, Hilary,” said Selena, leaning back and finishing her Frascati, in the manner of one who brings a well-rounded narrative to a logical and satisfactory conclusion, “you do see, don’t you, that it can’t have been an accident?”
My curiosity about the spurious policemen had distracted my mind a little from the chief purpose of the narrative. Not allowing myself to be provoked into any precipitate inquiry as to its relevance, I refilled all our glasses with sufficient deliberation to permit myself time for thought.
