«WELL?» SAID Jubal. «Did you accept their invitation?»
«
«You
Caxton turned red. «I
«Hmmm — Then what?»
«Why, I put on my clothes — found I had forgotten my bag and didn't go back. In fact I left so fast I durned near killed myself. You know how the ordinary bounce tube — »
«I do not.»
«Huh? Well, if you don't dial it to lift, you sink slowly, like cold molasses. But I didn't sink, I
«Put not your faith in gadgets. I'll stick to stairs and, when unavoidable, elevators.»
«Well, the bugs aren't out of that gadget. Duke is safety inspector but whatever Mike says is Gospel to Duke; Mike's got him hypnotized. Hell, he's got 'em all hypnotized. When the crash comes it will be worse than any faulty bounce tube. Jubal, what can we do? I'm worried sick.»
Harshaw jutted out his lips. «What aspects did you find disquieting?»
«Huh? All of it.»
«So? You gave me to think that you enjoyed your visit — up to the point where you behaved like a scared rabbit.»
«Uh — So I did. Mike had
Jubal shrugged. «You were busy. Probably wouldn't have noticed an earthquake.»
«Oh, piffle! I don't close my eyes like a school girl. How did he do it?»
«I can't see its relevancy. Or are you suggesting that Mike's nudity shocked you?»
«I was shocked, all right.»
«When your own arse was bare? Come, sir!»
«No, no! Jubal, do I have to draw a diagram? I simply have no stomach for group orgies. I almost lost my breakfast.» Caxton squirmed. «How would
Jubal fitted his fingers together. «That is the point, Ben; it was not
«You don't find such behavior shocking?»
«Ah, you raise another issue. Public displays of rut I find distasteful — but this reflects my early indoctrination. A large part of mankind do not share my taste; the orgy has a very wide history. But “shocking”? My dear sir, I am shocked only by that which offends me ethically.»
«You think
«Nothing more. And my taste is no more sacred than the very different taste of Nero. Less sacred — Nero was a god; I am not.»
«Well, I'll be damned.»
«Possibly — if damnation is possible. But, Ben, this wasn't public.»
«Huh?»
«You told me this group was a plural marriage — a group theogamy, to be technical. Therefore whatever took place — or was about to take place; you were mealy-mouthed-was not public but private. “Ain't nobody here but just us gods» — so how could anyone be offended?»
«
«Your apotheosis was incomplete. You misled them. You invited it.»
«Me? Jubal, I did nothing of the sort.»
«Oh, rats! The time to back out was when you got there; you saw at once that their customs were not yours. But you stayed — enjoyed the favors of one goddess — behaved as a god toward her. You knew the score and they knew you knew; their error lay in accepting your hypocrisy as solid coin. No, Ben, Mike and Jill behaved with propriety; the offense lay in your behavior.»
«Damn it, Jubal, you twist things! I did get too involved — but when I left, I had to! I was about to throw up!»
«So you claim reflex? Anyone over the emotional age of twelve would have clamped his jaws and walked to the bathroom, then returned with some acceptable excuse after things cooled down. It was not reflex. Reflex can empty the stomach; it can't choose a course for feet, recover chattels, take you through doors and cause you to jump down a hole. Panic, Ben. Why did you panic?»
Caxton was long in replying. He sighed and said, «I guess when you come down to it — I'm a prude.»
Jubal shook his head. «A prude thinks that his own rules of propriety are natural laws. That doesn't describe you. You adjusted to many things that did not fit your code of propriety, whereas a true-blue prude would have affronted that delightful tattooed lady and stomped out. Dig deeper.»
«All I know is that I am unhappy over the whole thing.»
«I know you are, Ben, and I'm sorry. Let's try a hypothetical question. You mentioned a lady named Ruth. Suppose Gillian had not been present; assume that the others were Mike and Ruth — and they offered you the same shared intimacy: Would you have been shocked?»
«Huh? Why, yes. It's a shocking situation.
«How shocking? Nausea? Panic flight?»
Caxton looked sheepish. «Damn you, Jubal. All right, I would just have found an excuse to go out to the kitchen or something … then left as soon as possible.»
«Very well, Ben. You have uncovered your trouble.»
«I have?»
«What element was changed?»
Caxton looked unhappy. At last he said, «You're right, Jubal — it was because it was Jill. Because I love her.»
«Close, Ben. But not dead center.»
«Eh?»
«“Love” is not the emotion that caused you to flee. What is “love”, Ben?»
«What? Oh, come off it! Everybody from Shakespeare to Freud has taken a swing at that; nobody has answered it yet. All I know is, it hurts.»
Jubal shook his head. «I'll give an exact definition. “Love” is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.»
Ben said slowly, «I'll buy that … because that's the way I feel about Jill.»
«Good. Then you are asserting that your stomach turned and you fled in panic because of a need to make Jill happy.»
«Hey, wait a minute! I didn't say — »
«Or was it some other emotion?»
«I simply said — » Caxton stopped. «Okay, I was jealous! But, Jubal, I would have sworn I wasn't. I knew I had lost out, I had accepted it long ago — hell, I didn't like Mike the less for it. Jealousy gets you nowhere.»
«Nowhere one would wish, certainly. Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy — in fact, they're almost incompatible; one emotion hardly leaves room for the other. Both at once can produce unbearable turmoil — and I grok that was your trouble, Ben. When your jealousy reared its head, you couldn't look it in the eye — so you fled.»
«It was the
