«For God's sake!»
«I think you speak rightly. Thou art God and I am God — and I need you. I offer you water. Will you let me share and grow closer?»
«Uh, look, little girl, if I understand what you are offering — »
«You grok, Jubal. To share all that we have. Ourselves. Selves.»
«I thought so. My dear, you have plenty to share — but … myself — well, you arrived years too late. I am sincerely regretful, believe me. Thank you. Deeply. Now go away and let an old man sleep.»
«You will sleep, when waiting is filled. Jubal … I could lend you strength. But I grok clearly that it is not necessary.»
(Goddamit — it
She got to her knees and bent over him. «Just one more word, then. Jill told me that if you argued, I was to cry. Shall I get my tears all over your chest? And share water with you that way?»
«I'm going to spank Jill!»
«Yes, Jubal. I'm starting to cry.» She made no sound, but in a second or two a warm, full tear splashed on his chest — was followed by another … and another — and still more. She sobbed almost silently.
Jubal cursed and reached for her … and cooperated with the inevitable.
XXXVI
JUBAL WOKE up alert, rested, and happy, realized that he felt better before breakfast than he had in years. For a long, long time he had been getting through that black period between waking and the first cup of coffee by telling himself that tomorrow might be a little easier.
This morning he found himself whistling. He noticed it, stopped himself, forgot it and started up again.
He saw himself in the mirror, smiled wryly, then grinned. «You incorrigible old goat. They'll be sending the wagon for you any minute now.» He noticed a white hair on his chest, plucked it out, didn't bother with many others just as white, went on making himself ready to face the world.
When he went outside his door Jill was there. Accidentally? He no longer trusted any “coincidence” in this menage; it was as organized as a computer. She came straight into his arms. «Jubal — Oh, we
He returned her kiss as warmly as it was given, grokking that it would be hypocritical not to — and discovered that kissing Jill differed from kissing Dawn only in some fashion unmistakable but beyond definition.
Presently he held her away from him. «You baby Messa lina… you framed me.»
«Jubal darling … you were
«Uh … how the hell did you know I was
She gave back a gaze of clear-eyed innocence. «Why, Jubal, I've been certain ever since Mike was asleep — in trance — he could see around him quite a distance and sometimes he would look in on you — a question to ask or something — to see if you were asleep.»
«But I slept alone! Always.»
«Yes, dear. That wasn't what I meant. I always had to explain things that he didn't understand.»
«Hrrrmph!» He decided not to pursue it. «Just the same, you shouldn't have framed me.»
«I grok you don't mean that in your heart, Jubal. We had to have you in the Nest. All the way in. We need you. Since you are shy and humble in your goodness, we did what was needful to welcome you without hurting you. And we did not hurt you, as you grok.»
«What's this “we” stuff?»
«It was a full Sharing-Water of all the Nest, as you grok — you were there. Mike woke up for it… and grokked with you and kept us all together.»
Jubal hastily abandoned this inquiry, too. «So Mike is awake at last. That's why your eyes are shining.»
«Only partly. We are always delighted when Mike isn't withdrawn, it's jolly … but he's never really away. Jubal, I grok that you have not grokked the fullness of our way of Sharing-Water. But waiting will fill. Nor did Mike grok it, at first — he thought it was only for quickening of eggs, as it is on Mars.»
«Well … that's the primary purpose. Babies. Which makes it silly behavior on the part of a person, namely me, who has no wish, at my age, to cause such increase.»
She shook her head. «Babies are one result … but not the primary purpose. Babies give meaning to the future, and that is a great goodness. But only three or four or a dozen times in a woman's life is a baby quickened in her … out of thousands of times she can share herself — and
He looked at her closely. «Child, are you pregnant?»
«Yes, Jubal. I grokked that waiting had ended and I was free to be. Most of the Nest have not needed to wait — but Dawn and I have been busy. But when we grokked this cusp coming, I grokked there would be waiting after cusp — and you can see that there will be. Mike will not rebuild the Temple overnight — so this high priestess will be unhurried in building a baby. Waiting always fills.»
From this high-flown mishmash Jubal abstracted the central fact … or Jill's belief concerning such a possibility. Well, no doubt she had had plenty of opportunity. He resolved to keep an eye on the matter and bring her home for it. Mike's superman methods were all very well, but it wouldn't hurt to have modern equipment at hand, too. Losing Jill to eclampsia or some other mishap he would not let happen, even if he had to get tough with the kids.
He wondered about another such possibility, decided not to mention it. «Where's Dawn? And where's Mike? The place seems awfully quiet.» No one else was in sight and he heard no voices … and yet that odd feeling of happy expectancy was even stronger. He would have expected a release from tension after the ceremony he had apparently joined in himself — unbeknownst — but the air was more charged than ever. It suddenly reminded him of how he had felt, as a very small boy, when waiting for his first circus parade … and someone had called out: «There come the elephants!»
Jubal felt as if, were he just a little taller, he could see the elephants, past the excited crowd. But there was no crowd.
«Dawn told me to give you a kiss for her; she'll be busy for the next three hours, about. And Mike is busy, too — he went back into withdrawal.»
«Oh.»
«Don't sound so disappointed; he'll be free soon. He's making a special effort so that he will be free on your account … and to let us all be free. Duke spent all night scouring the city for the highspeed recorders we use for the dictionary and now we've got everybody who can possibly do it being jammed full of Martian phonic symbols and then Mike will be through and can visit. Dawn has just started dictating; I finished one session, ducked out to say good-morning … and am about to go back and get poured full of my last part of the chore, so I'll be gone a little longer than Dawn will be. And here's Dawn's kiss — the first one was just from me.» She put her arms around his neck and put her mouth greedily to his — at last said, «My goodness! Why did we wait so long? 'Bye for a little!»
Jubal found a few in the dining room. Duke looked up, smiled and waved, went back to hearty eating. He did not look as if he had been up all night — nor had he; he had been up two nights.
Becky Vesey looked around when Duke waved and said happily, «Hi, you old goat!» — grabbed his ear, pulled him down, and whispered: «I've known it all along — but why weren't you around to console me when the Professor died?» She added aloud, «Sit down and we'll get some food into you while you tell me what devilment you've been plotting lately.»
