Stranger in a Strange Land

man of this planet — in which case he is entitled to all the side boys and dancing girls you can dig up — or he is just a tourist and gets no official courtesies of any sort. You can't have it both ways. Look around you, count the “officials of first rank” as you call them, and guess whether they would be here if, in their minds, Smith is just a tourist.»

LaRue said slowly, «There's no precedent.»

Jubal snorted. «I saw the Chief of Delegation from the Lunar Republic come in — go tell him there's no precedent. Then duck! — I hear he's got a quick temper. But, son, I'm an old man and I had a short night and it's none of my business to teach you your job. Tell Mr. Douglas that we'll see him another day… when he's ready to receive us properly. Come on, Mike.» He started to pry himself painfully out of his chair.

LaRue said hastily, «No, no, Dr. Harshaw! We'll clear this side of the table. I'll — Well, I'll do something. It's yours.»

«That's better.» Harshaw remained poised to get up. «But where's the Flag of Mars? And how about honors?»

«I'm afraid I don't understand.»

«Never seen a day when I had so much trouble with plain English. Look — See that Federation Banner back of where the Secretary is going to sit? Where's the one over here, for Mars?»

LaRue blinked. «I must admit you've taken me by surprise. I didn't know the Martians used flags.»

«They don't. But you couldn't possibly whop up what they use for high state occasions.» (Nor could I, boy, but that's beside the point!) «So we'll let you off easy and take an attempt for the deed. Piece of paper, Miriam — now, like this.» Harshaw drew a rectangle, sketched in it the traditional human symbol for Mars, a circle with an arrow leading out to upper right. «Make the field in white and the sigil of Mars in red — should be sewed in silk of course, but with a sheet and some paint any Boy Scout could improvise one. Were you a Scout?»

«Uh, some time ago.»

«Good. You know the Scout's motto. Now about honors — You expect to play “Hail to Sovereign Peace” as the Secretary comes in?»

«Oh, we must.»

«Then you'll want to follow it with the anthem for Mars.»

«I don't see how I can. Even if there is one … we don't have it. Dr. Harshaw, be reasonable!»

«Look, son. I am being reasonable. We came here for a small, informal meeting. We find you've turned it into a circus. Well, if you're going to have a circus, you've got to have elephants. Now we realize you can't play Martian music, any more than a boy with a tin whistle can play a symphony. But you can play a symphony — “The Nine Planets Symphony”. Grok it? I mean, “Do you catch on?” Have the tape cut in at the beginning of the Mars movement; play that … or enough bars to let the theme be recognized.»

LaRue looked thoughtful. «Yes, I suppose we coutd — but, Dr. Harshaw, I don't see how I can promise sovereign honors even on this improvised scale. I — I don't think I have the authority.»

«Nor the guts,» Harshaw said bitterly. «Well,we didn't want a circus — so tell Mr. Douglas that we'll be back when he's not so busy. Been nice chatting with you, son. Stop by the Secretary's office and say hello when we come back — if you're still here.» He again went through the slow, apparently painful act of being too old and feeble to get out of a chair easily.

LaRue said, «Dr. Harshaw,please don't leave! Uh … the Secretary won't come in until I send word that we are ready — so let me see what I can do. Yes?»

Harshaw relaxed with a grunt. «Suit yourself. But one more thing, while you're here. I heard a ruckus a moment ago — what I could catch, some crew members of the Champion wanted in. They're friends of Smith, so let 'em in. We'll accommodate 'em. Help to fill up this side of the table.» Harshaw sighed and rubbed a kidney.

«Very well, sir,» LaRue agreed stiffly and left.

Miriam whispered: «Boss — did you sprain your back doing those hand stands night before last?»

«Quiet, girl, or I'll paddle you.» With satisfaction Jubal surveyed the room, which was continuing to fill with high officials. He had told Douglas that he wanted a «small, informal» talk — knowing that the announcement would fetch the powerful and power-hungry as light attracts moths. And now (he felt sure) Mike was about to be treated as a sovereign by those nabobs — with the world watching. Let 'em try to roust the boy around after this!

Sanforth was shooing out newsmen and the unfortunate assistant chief of protocol was jittering like a nervous babysitter in his attempt to play musical chairs with too few chairs and too many notables. They continued pouring in and Jubal concluded that Douglas had never intended to convene earlier than eleven and that everyone else had been informed — the hour given Jubal was to permit the private pre-conference meeting that he had refused. Well, the delay suited Jubal.

The leader of the Eastern Coalition came in. Mr. Kung was, by choice, not Chief of Delegation for his nation; his status under strict protocol was merely that of Assemblyman — but Jubal was not surprised to see the assistant chief of protocol drop everything and rush to seat Douglas's chief political enemy at the main table near the seat reserved for the Secretary General; it reinforced Jubal's opinion that Douglas was no fool.

Dr. Nelson, surgeon of the Champion, and Captain van Tromp, her skipper, came in together and were greeted with delight by Mike. Jubal was pleased, as it gave the boy something to do under the cameras, instead of sitting like a dummy. Jubal made use of the disturbance to rearrange seating. He placed Mike opposite the Secretary General's chair and himself took the chair on Mike's left — where he could touch Mike. Since Mike had foggy notions of human manners, Jubal had arranged signals as imperceptible as those used in putting a high-school horse through dressage — «stand up,» «sit down,» «bow,» «shake hands» — except that Mike was not a horse and his training had required only five minutes to achieve perfection.

Mahmoud broke away from his shipmates and spoke to Jubal. «Doctor, the Skipper and the Surgeon are also water brothers of our brother — and Valentine Michael wanted to confirm it by again using ritual, all of us. I told him to wait. Do you approve?»

«Eh? Yes, certainly. Not in this mob.» Damn it, how many water brothers did Mike have? «Maybe you three can come with us when we leave? And have a bite and a talk in private.»

«I shall be honored. I feel sure the other two will come also.»

«Good. Dr. Mahmoud, do you know of any other brothers of our young brother who are likely to show up?»

«No. Not from the Champion, there are no more.» Mahmoud decided not to ask the complementary question, as it would hint at how disconcerted he had been — at first — to discover his own conjugational commitments. «I'll tell Sven and the Old Man.»

Harshaw saw the Papal Nuncio come in, saw him seated at the main table, and smiled inwardly — if that long-eared debit, LaRue, had any lingering doubt about the official nature of this meeting, he would do well to forget them!

A man tapped Harshaw on the shoulder. «Is this where the Man from Mars hangs out?»

«Yes,» agreed Jubal.

«I'm Tom Boone — Senator Boone, that is — and I've got a message for him from Supreme Bishop Digby.»

Jubal put his cortex into emergency high speed. «I'm Jubal Harshaw, Senator — » He signalled Mike to stand and shake hands. « — and this is Mr. Smith. Mike, this is Senator Boone.»

«How do you do, Senator Boone,» Mike said in perfect dancing-school form. He looked at Boone with interest. He had it straightened out for him that «Senator» did not mean «Old One» as the words seemed to shape; nevertheless he was interested in seeing a «Senator.» He decided that he did not grok it.

«Pretty well, thank you, Mr. Smith. I won't take up your time; they seem about to get this shindig started. Mr. Smith, Supreme Bishop Digby sent me to give you a personal invite to attend services at Archangel Foster Tabernacle of the New Revelation.»

«Beg pardon?»

Jubal moved in. «Senator, as you know, many things here — everything — is new to the Man from Mars. But it happens that Mr. Smith has seen one of your services by stereovision — »

«Not the same thing.»