American Wife

I could hear his television, and I said, “Are you watching baseball?”

“The Brew Crew is trouncing the White Sox, thank you very much. Victory tastes even sweeter after our last two losses.”

“Would it be annoying if we stay on the phone?” I said. “We don’t need to talk.”

“Why don’t you come over? Or want me to come there?”

“Do you remember that my TV is black and white?”

“Then you come here, and I’ll let you rub my tummy.”

“I’d rather not drive right now, in case—” I began to say, and outside a pounding rain abruptly started. Then I realized it was not rain but hail.

“Mike Caldwell’s the next at bat,” Charlie said. “I had my doubts about him, but he’s playing a decent game. Steve Brye, on the other hand—” This was when there was a flash of lightning followed by a terrific crack of thunder, and then the sirens went off, that menacing wail.

“I’m going down to the basement, and you should, too,” I said. “Please, Charlie, don’t keep watching the game.”

“You know everything’s fine, don’t you?” His voice was calm and kind.

“Charlie, turn off the TV.”

As if I were headed to the beach, I grabbed a towel and a book (it was Humboldt’s Gift), and a flashlight as well, and I hurried from my apartment. The door to the basement was behind the stairs in the first-floor hall. There was one other apartment in the house, a first-floor unit belonging to a doctoral student named Ja-hoon Choi, and though I’d waited out tornadoes with him a few times before, his car wasn’t in the driveway, so I didn’t think he was home. The basement staircase was rickety and wooden, with air between the steps, and there was a bare lightbulb whose string I yanked on when I reached the bottom. Our landlord kept old sailing equipment here, and some outdoor furniture, but for the most part, the space was empty. I unfolded a lawn chair with metal arms and a plaid polyester seat, but it was so rusty and cobwebby that I folded it right back up. Then I just stood there holding the towel, Humboldt’s Gift, and the flashlight. In the last few minutes, it had become hard to suppress thoughts about the unreliability of luck. I will not be the one it happens to—this is what we all believe, what we must believe to make our way in the world each day. Someone else. Not me. But every once in a while it is you, or someone close enough that it might as well be you. People to whom a terrible thing has never happened trust fate, the notion that what’s meant to be will be; the rest of us know better. I pictured a tree crashing through Charlie’s living room window, Charlie himself being lifted from the couch, trapped in the spinning air, violently deposited on the street or a roof. It’s a phenomenon that seems comic to those who don’t live in tornado-prone areas—the flying cow or refrigerator—and even to those of us who live in tornado states, it can be funny during calm times. But it was hailing outside, it was as dark as night, and anxiety clutched me. It can’t happen twice to a person I love, I thought, but I was not able to convince myself.

Then, over the dropping hail and the squeal of the sirens, I heard a pounding that I eventually realized was coming from the first floor. I did nothing, and then I darted up the steps, expecting to see Ja-hoon Choi through the window in the front door. Instead, I saw Charlie.

I opened the door, saying, “Charlie! My God!” He sauntered in, sopping wet, and I threw my arms around him and said, “You shouldn’t have driven over!” When we kissed, his lips were slick.

I pulled him back toward the basement, and when we were safely down there, he gestured at the towel I’d been holding all this time. “That for me?” He rubbed it over his head, and after he pulled it away, he surveyed the basement. “Nice ambience.”

“I can’t believe you’re here.”

“There’s fallen branches on Williamson, but I bet you anything the tornado bypasses us. This is just a thunderstorm.” Even as he said it, the sirens stopped. “See?” He grinned. “God agrees with me.”

“Still, it can’t have been safe to—”

He put his hand over my mouth, cutting me off. “I thought of something on the way here, but you have to stop scolding me. If I move my hand, will you stop?”

I nodded, and he withdrew his hand.

“I decided we should get married,” he said. “No more of this running-through-the-rain shit. We should live in the same place, sleep in the same bed at night, wake up together in the morning, and whenever there’s a tornado, I can take care of you and watch baseball at the same time.”

We regarded each other. Uncertainly, I said, “You mean—Is this—Are you proposing?”

“It sure feels like it.” He grinned, but a little nervously.

I said, “Okay.” And then I beamed.

When Charlie took hold of me, he embraced me so tightly my feet left the ground—literally, I mean, not figuratively. And here we were in the basement, the grimy basement: My life was changing, and we stood in the dankest of places. I was still myself, I didn’t feel catapulted into a different existence, the room was not aglow. It was only later that this moment would take on its proper burnish. While it was happening, everything felt new and strange and exciting and tenuous, which was the opposite of how it would feel later: weighty and familiar and reassuring. It would in retrospect appear to be a stop on a narrative path that was inevitable, but this is only because most events, most paths, feel inevitable in retrospect.

And so I had lost Dena, and in exchange I had gotten marriage; I’d traded friendship for romance, companionship for a husband. Was this not a reasonable bargain, one most people would make? I’d no longer be that allegedly eccentric, allegedly pitiable never married woman; my very existence would not pose a question that others felt compelled to try answering.

But what amazed me was that I would marry a man I loved; my choices had not turned out to be settling or remaining single. The generic relief of being coupled off was something I could have found by marrying Wade Trommler in 1967, or another man since. The remarkable part was that I’d be getting much more. Charlie was sweet and funny and energetic, he was incredibly attractive—his wrists with light brown hair on the back, his preppy shirts, his grin, and his charisma—and I had waited until the age of thirty-one, I’d sometimes felt like the