Mr. Darcy's Bite

You see, my aunt Catherine and I have a special relationship.”

“Are you very close?” Lizzy asked, thinking it unlikely.

“We could not be any closer. Because if we were, it would end in verbal fisticuffs. If you have met the esteemed lady, you will certainly understand.”

“I have met Lady Catherine,” Lizzy answered, suppressing a laugh. “I dined with her on at least three occasions while I was visiting with a dear friend, Mrs. Collins, who is married to the vicar at Hunsford Lodge.”

“I would be pleased to meet any acquaintance of yours, Miss Bennet. Unfortunately, since Mrs. Collins is married to a parson, it is most unlikely that we shall ever meet unless, of course, Aunt Catherine should go to her glory in the beyond. I would most certainly attend her funeral, but since I know her to be in excellent health, it is unlikely that I shall have the pleasure of meeting your friend. But that is neither here nor there. You say that you have dined with my dear aunt. How did you get on? Did she like you?”

It was obvious that His Lordship used his engaging personality to ask any question that popped into his head, no matter how personal, and that he expected it to be answered. Lizzy, however, was of a different mind. “You would have to ask your aunt, milord.”

“You are avoiding my question, Miss Bennet. Does my aunt like you?”

“She expressed her opinions, and I shared mine.”

“Aha!” the earl said, gleefully. “If you had the audacity to express your opinions, then I know she does not like you, but that should not bother you. In fact, I would take it as a compliment.”

Lizzy did not know how to respond, and thinking it best to ignore his statement, she asked if he frequently visited Rosings Park.

“Despite my deep attachment for my dear cousin, the lovely Miss Anne de Bourgh, I go but rarely because my aunt lives there as well. However, I do see Anne every time she comes to London, and she is an excellent correspondent who keeps me informed of family news, which is how I learned of your romance with my cousin.”

“But that does not explain how you knew where to find me in town. I only came to London yesterday.”

“My house is across the square from the Darcy townhouse, and my manservant saw the Darcy carriage. Gregg, whose charms are second only to my own, has been flirting with a housemaid in Darcy’s employ, who spoke with a groom, who overheard a conversation between Darcy and his butler about seeing to the wishes of a certain Miss Elizabeth Bennet, who was staying with the Gardiners in Gracechurch Street. This should be a lesson to us all that we should never say anything in front of the servants that we do not want repeated. On the other hand, if one wishes to spread a rumor that is the most efficient way of going about it.”

Lizzy now understood why Fitzwilliam Darcy became exasperated whenever he spoke about the head of the Fitzwilliam family. Darcy, through a clenched jaw, would express his frustration with a man whom he knew to have a fine mind and a caring spirit but who was completely undisciplined and denied himself nothing.

“Allow me to give you an example,” Darcy had said during one of their conversations about the earl. “Antony was one of the few members of the House of Lords to voice his opposition to confronting the Americans on the high seas. I was in the visitors’ gallery when he gave a speech warning that boarding American vessels and taking sailors off their ships would lead to war with the United States, and it might yet happen. It was an act of parliamentary courage, but did he remain in the House to discuss the matter with other members of the Lords? No! He went straight to his club, where he gambled the night away. Damn frustrating man!”

His frustration with his cousin was the reason Darcy had not mentioned Lord Fitzwilliam when discussing their wedding plans, but how could she not invite His Lordship to their wedding? The two were first cousins, and so Lizzy informed the earl of the date and place for the nuptials.

“You obviously have not consulted Darcy. He would not want me there,” he said, pouting.

“If you wish to attend, you are welcome.” Even though Lizzy knew that His Lordship was reeling her in, she was finding it hard to resist.

“Thank you so much, but it would probably be best…” But after pausing for a moment, he asked, “Do you know if the Granyards will be there?”

“No, milord. It is Mr. Darcy’s wish that the reception be limited to immediate friends and family.” Lizzy was content to remain ignorant of how large the wedding list had grown since she had departed Longbourn. “We shall have a reception for our friends and family in the spring at my parents’ home in Hertfordshire.”

“It is just as well then that I cannot go because if Lady Granyard is not going to the reception, there really isn’t any point. Unless, of course, you are going,” he said, turning to Mrs. Gardiner.

“Yes, my husband and I will definitely be going—together,” she answered with a flutter. She had been relieved when Lizzy had taken over the conversation, but now he was speaking to her once again in a highly suggestive manner. “I do not think I mentioned earlier that I am the mother of four—two boys and two girls.”

“Oh, I just adore children,” Fitzwilliam said, cooing. “I have two little jewels of my own. Sophie is nine, and Emmy is eight. I do not see them as often as I would like because…” He sat up straight in his chair. “…because they live in a dark castle with a drawbridge guarded by dragons, and in the center of the castle is a throne where their mother, the Queen of Darkness, reigns. The castle is surrounded by a moat filled with crocodiles, which Lady Eleanor hand-feeds the pieces and parts of anyone who has ever crossed her. But, occasionally, I don my suit of armor and charge the castle. After rescuing my children, I take them to Briarwood, my country estate. For a few peaceful days, we have the best time until their mother, riding in her black chariot with her hair on fire, comes for them. But children must have their mothers.” After letting out a long sigh, he added, “Eleanor and I just don’t get on.”

Lizzy and her aunt looked at each other. They don’t get on? Who would have guessed?

“But, Miss Elizabeth, I am sure you have much to do to prepare for your wedding,” he said, rising, “and so I shall leave you. Hopefully, after you have married, you will invite me to your townhouse. I am sure Darcy pays his coal bills, so it will be a lot warmer in your home than it is in mine.”

After being assisted by Rothwell with his overcoat and after putting on his top hat and placing his cane under his arm, he again addressed Elizabeth. “I shall conclude by saying that your soon-to-be husband is a royal pain, a stick in the mud, an enemy of fun, and the most decent man I know. However, on more than one occasion, he has pulled my derriere out of the fire, for which I am most grateful, and I ask that you be good to him because he deserves it and because he will always be good to you. He takes care of those he loves.”

“I am in complete agreement with the part of your statement that mentioned Mr. Darcy’s goodness, decency, and his attention to those he cares about, but as for being an enemy of fun, Mr. Darcy and you probably have very different definitions of the word.”

“No doubt about that, Miss Bennet,” he said chuckling, and after a quick kiss of Elizabeth’s hand and a prolonged kiss of Mrs. Gardiner’s, Antony, Lord Fitzwilliam, departed.

After collapsing into a chair, and with a sigh of relief, Mrs. Gardiner commented on their extraordinary visitor. “I have never met anyone like him.”

“I don’t think there is another like him,” Lizzy said, amazed at His Lordship’s performance.

“Elizabeth, I do believe he was flirting with us.”

“Oh, he wasn’t flirting with me, Aunt Gardiner. He was flirting with you. Apparently, he only seduces married women. I am sure he has justified their seduction because they are not maidens.”

“I can hardly believe that an earl was in my home, flirting with me, the mother of four children,” Mrs. Gardiner said, giggling. “It really is too bad that Mr. Gardiner was not here to see it. However, I shall make up for his absence by providing him with every last detail of our afternoon.” A dreamy smile appeared on her face, and while her aunt was thinking about their unique visitor, Lizzy was wondering how Mr. Darcy was faring in Kent.

*   *   *

“I forbid it!” an outraged Lady Catherine said. “You will never have my consent to marry that unfeeling, selfish girl. She will be the ruin of you in the opinion of all your friends, and she will make you the contempt of the world.”