thinking particularly of that night in bed with Bob and her, I began to gain a mental picture of Kathy. When Cindy came back up my body and embraced me, I put my hand on her breasts, and it was like I was fondling Kathy. My hands roamed her body, and they were roaming Kathy's body. It was weird and awful, but I felt myself becoming abandoned to the fantasy.
“Darling… darling,” I moaned, becoming more excited and holding her tightly. “Oh, darling…”
My hand grazed her sloping belly and my fingers twisted through the fibers of her lower hair until they contacted the moist lips and searched out the thick clitoris. I felt her lips on my breasts, sucking for dear life, for the food of life she needed, and pulling out the nipple to erection.
“Oh, God help me… no!” I screamed, pulling away suddenly. “I must be sick… sick… sick!”
“No, my darling… you can't help it,” Cindy tried to comfort me, moving very close and pushing the hair from my face to look at me. “And Kathy can't help it either. She's a very warm girl. She wants to be with you. If she can't have you, she will go out and be promiscuous with every boy she can find. She's running away from what she really wants. This is the way it is, Denise! I know!
“Don't let it torture you and run both your lives, darling. Give in to it. Enjoy it…”
“No… no, I love you, Cindy,” I protested, clinging to her. “All right… I accept that I may be a Lesbian… even that Kathy may be a Lesbian… but I can't make love with my own daughter… I love you!”
“And I love you too, darling,” she said with a soft kiss to my lips, her fingers gently manipulating my clitoris. “Why couldn't… oh, darling, Kathy is such a beautiful young girl… such a perfect body and lovely face. Why couldn't the three of us live together? I've heard of the case where mother, daughter and lover have lived together in a beautiful menage a trois… so wonderful. The whole world went on its crazy way, but in their own world they had the beauty of love that mere men would have sacrificed kingdoms for.
“The three of us together, Denise… think of it. Three beautiful feminine bodies in bed together. Our kissing. Our loving. Oh, darling, you and Kathy would have more love than you ever dreamed of. I would worship both of you, work for you, do anything, to have that beautiful girl to love. Oh… oh, Denise… I've got to have Kathy…”
I did not get angry as I had with Bob. I simply got up from the bed, put on my clothes, and walked out.
Where did it all start? With Bill Britten that day in the library? Or with Bob, the first of several to try to get to my daughter through me? I still don't know where it started. But it ended that day in Cindy's apartment.
I knew I was primarily a Lesbian. I knew that the relationship with my mother had contributed to this. I knew that I lusted after my own daughter. I knew that if I tried there would be no barrier to my seducing her. Kathy had asked for it several times, whether she realized it or not.
There was only one sensible course open to me, and that was to seek a change or cure through analysis and therapy, and, with my ex-husband's help, to try to persuade Kathy to do the same.
EPILOGUE
While Denise Bryant's own true case history is a rarity among the population as a whole, it can be considered as a typical one among those of women who find themselves Lesbian oriented.
It is quite noticeable that Denise hardly mention her father at all. The father was apparently shoved into the background by the mother. There is the distinct possibility that in doing so, the mother tended to alienate Denise from all men, and that because of this she stood in awe of them. The ease with which she was seduced by so many men seems to reveal this.
Unlike many Lesbians, Denise did not appear to have a deep fear of men. But at the same time, she became involved with many men who would be fearful to a female with more emotional stability. One of the most common roots of Lesbianism, a fear of and distaste for men, may well be revealed by this tendency to seek out only the most fearful men as a means of fighting off this very fear.
The classic causes are all there to some degree in Denise's story. And her neuroses kept building with each step of her erratically sex-active life. She constantly sought new thrills, more bizarre forms of expression with men. She was much like the latently homosexual Don Juan type who must have new female conquests each night, avoiding marriage or serious romance because it would be too similar to satisfaction of the incest wish. The only difference here is that Denise was afraid of having a daughter, and once Kathy was born, she spent the rest of her life up to a point, in trying to flee from this reincarnation of a situation she had fled from before in her own childhood.
In the case of her daughter, Kathy, it may well be that Denise is not to blame at all for any latent homosexual or incest-wish. It may be recalled that Denise's mother took care of Kathy from about the age of six to ten, very formative and impressionable years in a young girl's life. The possibility of a trauma between grandmother and granddaughter is not at all impossible.
It is fortunate for both Linda and Kathy that she sought professional help when she did. Many cases like this have been allowed to go on to fruition of the incest-wish with resultant tragedy for all concerned.
