Have you ever done anything wrong? Have you ever said something that made someone feel bad or made a choice that was not particularly honorable? Chances are, if you’ve participated in life for longer than about ten minutes, you’ve done something that requires forgiveness.
We’re all human. Each of us makes mistakes—a whole lot of them, as a matter of fact. A very large aspect of participating in this world is screwing up from time to time. Absolutely no one is perfect.
That being said, why is it so difficult to forgive others for faults that we are very likely to have experienced in ourselves? Ego probably has something to do with it. Most people really don’t like it when they feel they are not treated fairly. If they are injured physically or emotionally, they want retribution. There should be consequences for wrong actions. Societies all over the world are based on rules that spell out those consequences. Consequences are one thing, but forgiveness is also essential if you want to continue to move forward in life.
Look up one person from the list of injuries you made yesterday. Pull out one example of wrongdoing. Your task today is to write down everything you have in common with the person who wronged you. Forget about how different they are from you and concentrate on your similarities. In what ways are you alike?
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Stanley was an exceptional man. He wasn’t particularly smart or funny or good looking, but he was the picture of success. Stanley was a widower. In fact, he had lost his entire family two years ago in a horrible car accident. His wife was driving their two young sons home from baseball practice, and they were hit head on by a drunk driver.
At first Stanley wanted the man who caused the accident to feel his pain and pay dearly for what he had taken away from him. His entire family was gone in an instant. Stanley encouraged the lawyers to file murder charges.
Stanley was driving to the trial months after the accident, and he was still filled with rage. He was talking on the cell phone with a friend and railing about how this man did not deserve to live. In an instant, Stanley gasped and slammed on the brakes. He hadn’t been paying attention while he was driving, and he came inches away from mowing down a toddler who had wandered out into the street. When Stanley finally pulled himself together, he continued on to the courthouse. He realized as he traveled the last few blocks that he had almost committed the same crime. He was overwhelmed.
Stanley requested a moment to speak during the proceedings. He publicly forgave the man and asked that the murder charges be dropped. That man did not willingly kill his family. It was an accident. Stanley was finally able to forgive and move on and do something productive with his life.
If you want to truly be exceptional, learn to forgive. It is an uncommon trait.
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It is very easy to confuse forgiveness with being a doormat. They are not the same thing. When you forgive someone, you are setting yourself—and the other person—free. However, it has nothing to do with condoning the actions of the perpetrator.
If one of your employees was caught embezzling money from your company, you would find it very helpful to forgive them. On the other hand, you would be a complete fool if you hired them right back and set yourself up to be robbed again. Forgiveness does not mean you have to lose your common sense. Trust must be earned.
A popular phase is “forgive and forget.” It might be more beneficial to say “forgive and remember.” You do not have to go through the insane task of repeating pervious mistakes in judgment. If someone injures you, bestow forgiveness freely, but think twice before you decide to get involved with them again.
Karen’s daughter, Ellen, was an alcoholic in the early stages of recovery. Ellen had betrayed her mother’s trust in a number of ways when she was active in her disease, including stealing from her on several occasions. Karen forgave Ellen for all of the things she did as a result of her alcoholism, but it took years before Ellen won back her mother’s trust. Karen needed to observe Ellen in recovery and see that she was changing and growing into a more honest and trustworthy person. Forgiveness was immediate, but trust took time.
