hopefully, self-denyingly wait.”
“I know! I know!” replied Mrs. Dexter. “But I cannot look along the way that lies before me without a shudder. The path is too difficult.”
“You will surely receive strength.”
“I would rather die!” A slight convulsion ran through her frame.
“Don’t look into the future, dear young friend! Only to-day’s duties are required; and strength ever comes with the duty.”
“Not even God can give strength for mine,” said Mrs. Dexter, almost wildly.
“Hush! hush! the thought is impious!” Mrs. De Lisle spoke in warning tones.
“Not impious, but true. God did not lay these heavy burdens on me. My own hands placed them there. If I drag a pillar down upon myself, will God make my bones iron so that they shall not be broken? No, Mrs. De Lisle; there is only one hope for me, and that is in death; and I pray for it daily.”
“You state the case too strongly,” said Mrs. De Lisle. “God provides as well as provides. His providence determining what is best for us; and His providence counteracts our ignorance, self-will, or evil purposes, and saves us from the destruction we would blindly meet. He never permits any act in His creatures, for which He does not provide an agency that turns the evil that would follow into good. Your case is parallel to thousands. As a free woman, you took this most important step. God could not have prevented it without destroying that freedom which constitutes your individuality, and makes you a recipient of life from Him. But He can sustain you in the duties and trials you have assumed; and He will do it, if you permit Him to substitute His divine strength for your human weakness. In all trial, affliction, calamity, suffering, there is a germ of angelic life. It is through much tribulation that the Kingdom of Heaven is gained. Some spirits require intenser fires for purification than others; and yours may be of this genus. God is the refiner and the purifier; and He will not suffer any of the gold and silver to be lost. Dear friend! do not shrink away from the ordeal.”
“I am not strong enough yet.” It was all the reply Mrs. Dexter made. Her voice was mournful in the extreme.
“Wait for strength. As your day is, so shall it be.”
Mrs. Dexter shook her head.
“What more can I say?” Mrs. De Lisle spoke almost sadly, for she could not see that her earnestly spoken counsel had wrought any good effect.
“Nothing! nothing! dear friend!” answered Mrs. Dexter, still very mournfully.
A little while she was silent; and seemed in debate with herself. At length she said—
“Dear Mrs. De Lisle! To you I have unveiled my heart more than to any other human being. And I am constrained to draw the veil a little farther aside. To speak will give relief; and as you are wiser, help may come. At Saratoga, I confided to you something on that most delicate of all subjects, my feelings towards my husband. I have yet more to say! Shall I go farther in these painful, almost forbidden revelations?”
“Say on,” was the answer, “I shall listen with no vain curiosity.”
“I am conscious,” Mrs. Dexter began, “of a new feeling towards my husband. I call it new, for, if only the fuller development of an old impression, it has all the vividness of a new-born emotion. Before my illness, I saw many things in him to which I could attach myself; and I was successful, in a great measure, in depressing what was repellant, and in magnifying the attractive. But now I seem to have been gifted with a faculty of sight that enables me to look through the surface as if it were only transparent glass; and I see qualities, dispositions, affections, and tendencies, against which all my soul revolts. I do not say that they are evil; but they are all of the earth earthy. Nor do I claim to be purer and better than he is—only so different, that I prefer death to union. It is in vain to struggle against my feelings, and I have ceased to struggle.”
“You are still weak in body and mind,” answered Mrs. De Lisle. “All the pulses of returning life are feeble. Do not attempt this struggle now.”
“It must be now, or never,” was returned. “The current is bearing me away. A little while, and the most agonizing strife with wave and tempest will prove of no avail.”
“Look aloft, dear friend! Look aloft!” said Mrs. De Lisle. “Do not listen to the maddening dash of waters below, nor gaze at the shuddering bark; but upwards, upwards, through cloud-rifts, into heaven!”
“I have tried to look upwards—I
“Who have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb?” asked Mrs. De Lisle, in a deep, earnest voice. A pause, and then—”They who have come up through great tribulation! Think of this, dear friend. Heaven may be beautiful in your eyes, but the way to heaven is by earthly paths. You cannot get there, except by the way of duty; and your duty is not to turn away from, but to your husband, in the fulfillment of your marriage vows—to the letter. I say nothing of the spirit, but the letter of this law you must keep. Mr. Dexter is not an evil- minded man. He is a good citizen, and desires to be a good husband. His life, to the world, is irreproachable. The want of harmony in taste, feeling and character, is no reason for disseverance. You cannot leave him, and be guiltless in the eyes of God or man.”
“I did not speak of leaving him,” said Mrs. Dexter, looking up strangely into the face of Mrs. De Lisle.
“But you have thought of it,” was answered. A flush dyed the pale face of Mrs. Dexter. “Oh, my friend, beware of evil counsellors! Mrs. Anthony”—
“Has never looked into my heart. It is shut and fastened with clasps of iron when she is near,” returned Mrs. Dexter.
“The presence of such a woman suggests rebellion,” said Mrs. De Lisle; “her thoughts are communicated by another way than speech. Is it not so?”
“Perhaps it is. I feel the spirit of antagonism rising whenever I am with her. I grow restive—impatient of these bonds—indignant towards my husband; though the subject is never mentioned.”
“Be on your guard against her, my young friend. Her principles are not religiously sound. This I say to you, because duty requires me to say it. Placed in your position, and with your feelings towards her husband, if no
