Thats almost a lie. Id be furious if you werent honest with me.
Youre not Diane. She prefers to be kept in the dark when something unpleasant raises its head. Shes never become accustomed to being married to a cop. Shed much rather I quit the force and find some-thing with a little more prestige to do.
Well, I cant argue the situation isnt as un-pleasant as it comes, but Id still want to brain you. Marriage should be a partnership.
There are all kinds of marriages.
I dont suppose I should be surprised. You dont tell me everything either. She glanced away from him, staring into the distance. For instance, you never mentioned youd killed anyone in the line of duty.
Youve had enough violence in your life. You didnt need any more.
Was that your decision? Just like the one you made to protect Diane? Keep the delicate females away from any hint of unpleasantness.
Did I want to protect you? he asked roughly. Hell, yes. But I also wanted to protect myself. I knew youd be like this. I didnt want you to look at me and see Fraser.
Id never do that. I know you. Im sure you did only what you had to do.
Then turn around and let me see your face.
She braced herself, turned, and looked at him.
Shit, he said through his teeth.
I just have to become accustomed to the idea. I feel as if I dont really know you.
You know me better than anyone on this earth, just as I know you better than anyone else does.
Then why didnt you tell me about
All right, Ill tell you. His hands clenched into fists at his sides. You want a body count? Three. Two of them were into drug running. The third just liked killing and reminded me of Fraser. Ive often won-dered if that one really was self-defense. Maybe I didnt want to take the chance of him walking. His voice lowered. And I never lost a minutes sleep over any of them. Does that make you feel like you know me any better?
Joe, I dont
Do you want me to talk about my stint in the SEALs? No, I can see you dont. Three is enough for you. You dont want the grim reapers shadow any-where near you. I knew that and accepted it.
Why didnt I hear about those deaths?
Because I saw that you didnt want to know about them. Figuring that out was easy. You never watched or read local news after Bonnie. I just had to make sure no one in the department talked. He gazed into her eyes. And Id do it again. You werent ready to face the idea that I wasnt Andy Griffith am-bling around Mayberry. You may never be ready. His glance shifted past her to the hall leading to the lab. And Im not pleased with our Mr. Logan for stirring up this hornets nest.
Then you shouldnt have threatened him.
Do you think I dont know that? I was stupid. I was angry and I let you see it. He smiled recklessly. Or maybe Im lying to myself. Maybe I meant to do it. It could be I was sick and tired of But how the hell long do you think I can keep everything inside without He took a long breath. Dont blow what weve got, Eve. Weve been together a long time. Like you said, you know me.
Do I? she whispered.
Okay, well start over. Ill be honest with you even if it tears you apart. Satisfied? He turned away from her. Because Im not. But then, Im used to that. Its become a way of life to me.
What do
This isnt getting us anywhere. Ive got to go check out the perimeter. He started down the steps. But dont worry, if I find any bad guys, Ill handle them with kid gloves. We wouldnt want any more blood on my hands, would we?
He was angry with her. Maybe he had a right. He was her friend, closer than a brother, and she had pushed him away and closed him out. Joe knew her too well not to be aware of everything she was feeling.
But she didnt know him that well. She had thought she did, but shed had no idea of all that hed hidden from her.
Face it, she hadnt wanted to know. Policemen dealt with violence every day and, if she had let her-self think about it, she would have known it would touch Joe.
I didnt want you to look at me and see Fraser.
She had denied it, but hadnt that been her first thought when Logan told her about the deaths in Joes past? It wasnt rational, it wasnt fair, but the thought had been there.
Another ripple Logan had set in motion to disturb her life. Only this time it was more like a tidal wave.
Block it out. She had enough to worry about just then. Easy to say. The idea of angering Joe wasnt easy to block out.
And what if it wasnt only anger? What if she had hurt him? Joe was tough, but he could be hurt. God, she didnt want to hurt him.
She couldnt dismiss the idea, but she had to put it on the back burner and consider all the ramifications later. Joe was too important to her. If she began to worry about him, she wouldnt be able to do any-thing else.
So go back in and see if you can help Gary. Get this business over with so you can go back to living a normal life
