“You will not. Go back home. I’ll call you when I’m ready to board the flight.”
Eve thought about it. “You’re probably right. I should be able to get back in plenty of time to meet you at baggage claim.”
“Sorry. I didn’t want to put you to this trouble. I know how exhausted you must be. Not a very good start for my visit.”
“Any way I can get you is a good start.”
“Is Joe with you?”
“No, I left him in bed. He was even more exhausted than I was. He was at the precinct last night trying to put names to those dead children we found in the swamp.”
She was silent a moment. “But your Bonnie wasn’t one of them?”
“No.” She couldn’t speak for a moment as she remembered the agony of that realization. “Lord, I was praying that I’d find her, Jane.”
“I know. That’s why I hopped on that plane to come home. I know you have Joe, but I want to be there for you.”
“Yes, I have Joe.” She had to get off the phone until she could regain full control. Jane could always read her. “And I’m going to be happy as a clam to have you home. Call me.” She hung up.
She hoped she had Joe. Dear God, life without Joe would be empty and without texture or substance, as cold as that moon shining above her.
Coldness, again. She couldn’t shake it off.
She got off the exit and turned around. She would go home to the lake cottage and Joe. She would hold him and let his strength pour into her. Then maybe, after a little while, the chill would go away.
THE LIGHTS WERE ON IN THE kitchen, Eve noticed as she drove up to the cottage. Joe must not have been able to go back to sleep after she’d left. He was probably having coffee and waiting for her to bring Jane home.
But he wasn’t in the kitchen, although the coffeemaker was on. Cups, saucers, and creamer had been set on the table in readiness. He wasn’t in the bedroom either.
What the hell?
Then she heard him coming up the porch steps.
A moment later he came into the house. He was wearing his brown robe and slippers, and his hair was rumpled. She had bought the robe last Christmas because she always loved him in brown. It made his dark hair appear almost caramel-colored and his eyes a shimmering tea color. Everyone was usually only aware of the toughness that he radiated, and that was still there, but the hardness seemed to be softened by the rich color.
She smiled. “Where have you been? I was wondering what happened to you. I saw that the coffee was—” She stopped, her eyes widening as she saw his face. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he said curtly. “I went for a walk in the woods.”
“At this hour? Dressed like that?”
“Why not? I couldn’t sleep.” He went to the coffeemaker and poured a cup of coffee. “There’s no law against it. I guarantee it. Who should know better than a cop?”
His tone was almost brutally sharp, and he was avoiding looking at her. But he was too late; she had already caught that first glimpse of his expression. Joe was seldom pale, but his color wasn’t good now. The skin looked as if it was pulled taut over his cheekbones, and his brown eyes were glittering and appeared a little wild. Wild? Joe was never wild. He could be violent and reckless, but it was always under control.
“Why couldn’t you sleep?”
“How the hell do I know? Maybe I was dreaming of those murdered kids on that island in the swamp. That’s what my life has been about, hasn’t it? Murdered kids.” He took a swallow of coffee. “Or maybe just one murdered kid. Your kid. From the moment I met you, it’s been all about Bonnie. It’s enough to drive anyone nuts.”
She stiffened in shock. It was true, their lives had revolved around Bonnie’s death and disappearance all these years, but his harshness came as a blow. She supposed it shouldn’t have hurt since she’d been aware that Joe was nearing the end of his patience. He’d given all his strength and knowledge to try to give her what she needed, and having her constantly in jeopardy was tearing him apart. “You’re right, of course. No one knows better than I do what I put you through. You have a perfect right to want to escape from me and the situation.”
He suddenly whirled on her. “I don’t want to escape you,” he said fiercely. “You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. From the first time I saw you, I knew that I had to stay with you. When the FBI sent me down to Atlanta to investigate your Bonnie’s disappearance and probable death, who the hell would guess that I wouldn’t be able to leave you. You’d lost a sweet seven-year-old little girl who meant the world to you. You were fragile and tragic and yet so damn strong that it blew me away. I wanted to fight all your dragons and give you whatever you wanted.”
“You have,” she said unevenly. “Only it’s been a one-way street. I haven’t fought any dragons for you. You deserve someone who will do that.”
“Screw it. I knew what I was getting into when we came together.” His eyes were blazing in his taut face. “But I haven’t been able to kill your dragon, and I started wondering tonight if it’s going to devour me.”
“Tonight?” He had not been like this when she had left him to go to the airport. She had been aware of a slight withdrawal, but his attitude now was full of violence and explosive tension. She could almost feel the disturbance whirling around him. “Did something happen while I was gone?”
“Of course not. I told you I just went for a walk.” He set his cup down on the counter and turned away. “And I’m tired of being cross-examined. I’m fine. Drop it, Eve.”
“So fine that you haven’t asked why Jane wasn’t with me when I came back.”
