'Why do you mention law between gentlemen?' says the colonel. 'A man of honour wears his law by his side; and can the resentment of an affront make a gentleman guilty of murder? and what greater affront can one man cast upon another than by arresting him? I am convinced that he who would put up an arrest would put up a slap in the face.'
Here the colonel looked extremely fierce, and the divine stared with astonishment at this doctrine; when Booth, who well knew the impossibility of opposing the colonel's humour with success, began to play with it; and, having first conveyed a private wink to the doctor, he said there might be cases undoubtedly where such an affront ought to be resented; but that there were others where any resentment was impracticable: 'As, for instance,' said he, 'where the man is arrested by a woman.'
'I could not be supposed to mean that case,' cries the colonel; 'and you are convinced I did not mean it.'
'To put an end to this discourse at once, sir,' said the doctor, 'I was the plaintiff at whose suit this gentleman was arrested.'
'Was you so, sir?' cries the colonel; 'then I have no more to say. Women and the clergy are upon the same footing. The long-robed gentry are exempted from the laws of honour.'
'I do not thank you for that exemption, sir,' cries the doctor; 'and, if honour and fighting are, as they seem to be, synonymous words with you, I believe there are some clergymen, who in defence of their religion, or their country, or their friend, the only justifiable causes of fighting, except bare self-defence, would fight as bravely as yourself, colonel! and that without being paid for it.'
'Sir, you are privileged,' says the colonel, with great dignity; 'and you have my leave to say what you please. I respect your order, and you cannot offend me.'
'I will not offend you, colonel, 'cries the doctor; 'and our order is very much obliged to you, since you profess so much respect to us, and pay none to our Master.'
'What Master, sir?' said the colonel.
'That Master,' answered the doctor, 'who hath expressly forbidden all that cutting of throats to which you discover so much inclination.'
'O! your servant, sir,' said the colonel; 'I see what you are driving at; but you shall not persuade me to think that religion forces me to be a coward.'
'I detest and despise the name as much as you can,' cries the doctor; 'but you have a wrong idea of the word, colonel. What were all the Greeks and Romans? were these cowards? and yet, did you ever hear of this butchery, which we call duelling, among them?'
'Yes, indeed, have I,' cries the colonel. 'What else is all Mr. Pope's Homer full of but duels? Did not what's his name, one of the Agamemnons, fight with that paultry rascal Paris? and Diomede with what d'ye call him there? and Hector with I forget his name, he that was Achilles's bosom-friend; and afterwards with Achilles himself? Nay, and in Dryden's Virgil, is there anything almost besides fighting?'
'You are a man of learning, colonel,' cries the doctor; 'but--'
'I thank you for that compliment,' said the colonel.--'No, sir, I do not pretend to learning; but I have some little reading, and I am not ashamed to own it.'
'But are you sure, colonel,' cries the doctor, 'that you have not made a small mistake? for I am apt to believe both Mr. Pope and Mr. Dryden (though I cannot say I ever read a word of either of them) speak of wars between nations, and not of private duels; for of the latter I do not remember one single instance in all the Greek and Roman story. In short, it is a modern custom, introduced by barbarous nations since the times of Christianity; though it is a direct and audacious defiance of the Christian law, and is consequently much more sinful in us than it would have been in the heathens.'
'Drink about, doctor,' cries the colonel; 'and let us call a new cause; for I perceive we shall never agree on this. You are a Churchman, and I don't expect you to speak your mind.'
