True Detective

'Just a hailstorm, baby,' I said.

'Please. Get away from the window.'

Down on the lawn, the hailstones were gathering. Christ if they weren't the size of baseballs. One of them careened off the window, and I took Mary Ann's advice.

We stood by the bed and I held her.

'Let me get in under the covers with you.' she said.

She sounded like a kid; there was no ulterior motive here: she was really scared.

'Sure.' I said, and went over and shut the door.

She curled up against me in bed, clinging to me. and. gradually, her shaking stopped, though the hailstones kept up for a good twenty minutes.

'I'm sorry about today,' she said; I could barely hear her over the hailstones.

'We were both a little childish,' I said.

'I suppose maybe I am sort of a snob,' she said.

'Who isn't?'

'I do love you, Nathan.'

'You do, huh?'

'I do.'

'Why?'

'I'm not sure. Do you know why you love me?'

'Besides the physical? I'm not sure, either.'

'I feel safe with you, Nathan.'

'That's nice,' I said, meaning it.

'You're stronger than me. You see the world as it is.'

'In my trade, you see it any other way, you don't last long.'

'I guess I've always seen it through rose-colored glasses.'

'Well, at least you know that. That means you're more of a realist than you think.'

'Everybody who sees the world through rose-colored glasses is a realist. That's why they put the rose-colored glasses on.'

'Come on now, Mary Ann. You've had a nice life so far, haven't you? I mean, you don't exactly seem to've had it tough. Your father appeal's to be a terrific guy.'

'He is. He's wonderful.'

'And you obviously got along well with your brother, or you wouldn't be going to all the trouble of hiring me to track him down.'

'Yes. Jimmy and I were very close- I- would crawl in bed with him sometimes, like this. Don't get me wrong. It wasn't like- like that. I suppose we played doctor and kissed and did the silly things kids will do growing up. But I wasn't in love with my brother, Nathan. We didn't do anything wrong.'

'I know.'

'I know you know, because you're the only man I've ever been with. And you know that's true.'

'I know.'

'But Jimmy and I… we banded together. Daddy is wonderful, but he can be- distant. He's sort of formal. It's the doctor side of him, I guess; or the professor side, maybe. I'm not sure, exactly. I grew up aware of not having a mother. I grew up aware of her having died giving birth to me. And Jimmy, I used to cry about it, at night, sometimes. Not often- don't get me wrong- I'm not neurotic or anything. The psychiatrist I go to is simply for understanding myself better- that's only healthy for an actress, don't you agree?'

Sure.

'Did my father tell you about the accident? When he burned his hands?'

'Yes.'

'It was my fault. Did he tell you that?'

'No…'

'I saw the other car. I saw the other car coming at us. and I got kind of- hysterical, I guess, and I grabbed Daddy's arm, and I think- I've never said this out loud to anybody but Jimmy- I think that's why Daddy couldn't avoid the other car.'

'Mary Ann, have you ever talked to your father about this?'

'No. Not really.'

'Look. The other car was driven by a drunk driver. Without any lights on, is what your father told me. Isn't that true?'