Good Luck, Yukikaze

These are not warning shots... JAM.

Yukikaze was serious. She wasn’t admitting defeat. She was doing the only thing to avoid it. Saying these weren’t warning shots was the only way she could show the JAM how serious she was about this. Why? To save herself. Yukikaze wouldn’t abandon a chance for survival. If she admitted defeat, there would be no need to announce it. She could just silently eject her crew and then self-destruct.

Yukikaze was telling the JAM in no uncertain terms that unless they let her out of this airspace, she was going to destroy herself. Rei decided that she was bargaining with the JAM. For the terms of her self- destruction? No, not at all. Yukikaze’s objective wasn’t to destroy herself.

Yukikaze must have understood why the JAM had lured her in here. They had a use for Yukikaze’s crew because they were beings the JAM didn’t understand. She’s guessed they want us captured alive even if negotiations broke down — that’s why they took such care not to kill us, Rei thought. But Yukikaze was saying that she wouldn’t allow that, and she was prepared to wreck the JAM’s plans right here and now.

This wasn’t an act of suicide on Yukikaze’s part. It was combat tactics against the JAM. She was telling them she was prepared to die. If they ignored it, they would all die in her self-destruction, but from Yukikaze’s point of view, she would have stopped the JAM’s plan, so it wouldn’t be a defeat.

Yukikaze is taking me hostage, Rei thought. She was saying “Let me out, or I kill the crew. I’m serious!” She was practically saying that she could kill her crew at any time...

God, what a bitch.

Rei’s fear of Yukikaze renewed itself. She was a being willing to sacrifice human lives in order to beat the JAM.

“It’s no use.”

As he heard Lieutenant Katsuragi speak behind him, Rei prepared himself for the end. He didn’t feel betrayed by Yukikaze. He understood what she wanted to do. In the end, she didn’t want to lose to the JAM. Neither do I, he thought as he consciously relaxed his grip on the flight stick. By not attempting to interfere with automaneuver mode, Rei could let Yukikaze know how he felt.

A feeling of satisfaction filled his heart, driving away the fear. Never before had he felt such a deep mutual understanding with her. A strange euphoria came over him, and Rei was no longer conscious of how unreal the whole situation had become.

The main display cleared as Yukikaze showed the time till impact, then added a single word.

Thanks.

Rei understood that she was paying him respect by showing him the countdown. It almost felt as if she were announcing, “We will be landing soon. Thanks for flying with me.” When he thought about it, they’d been flying together a long time, and this might have been Yukikaze’s way of saying goodbye. If this really was the end, it would be a good death for them both. He didn’t care what anyone else thought about it.

Lieutenant Katsuragi grabbed the handles atop his seat that would activate the ejection sequencer with both hands, but couldn’t move. He wasn’t paralyzed with fear over what would happen to him if he ejected at supersonic speed. He simply couldn’t move. He could see the warhead of the missile thrusting toward them with his naked eye now. The lens of the target seeker on the tip looked like a single eye staring at him. The lieutenant closed his eyes, not wanting to see what was coming.

4

YUKIKAZE DISPLAYED THE time till impact in hundredths of a second. As the numbers streamed by too fast to distinguish, they began to slow down, yet it didn’t feel strange to Rei at all. My brain is kicking into overdrive because I have to concentrate till the very last moment on not flipping the maneuver switch, Rei thought. He anxiously waited for the readout to reach 0.00.

Almost there... Almost there...

At last, Rei saw it happen. For an instant, he felt the flash. It grew bright all around him, so bright that it became difficult to see the readout on the main display.

But the shock wave and pain he expected never came. So, Rei thought serenely, this is what the moment of death feels like.

The flash wasn’t fading at all, as if time had been dramatically slowed down. Why weren’t things fading to black? he wondered. Why can I still think? Is there really a world for humans after death? As he was thinking these thoughts, Rei then sensed that the missile was still overhead and hadn’t exploded.

He didn’t physically see it with his eyes. He just knew. Right overhead, the lens of the missile’s seeker was looking down on him like a black eye.

The counter hadn’t reached zero yet, he realized. The hundredths of a second column hadn’t yet reached zero. He suddenly became aware that he was reaching for the flight stick.

That’s right, Rei Fukai. It’s not too late. You can still make it out of this. Evade the missile. Don’t accept death at Yukikaze’s hand.

He sensed a voice speaking to him. Was it the JAM? Or perhaps it was a part of him that still wanted to survive. Even as he thought this, his heart told him not to give in to its temptations. The voice continued.

You don’t really want to die. You may have decided that being killed by Yukikaze wouldn’t be death, but you’re wrong. She’s killing you. If you act now, you could still survive. I can stop her. Answer me. Do as I say.

“Fuck off,” Rei screamed in his heart. “No!”

But why? Why won’t you accept my offer? Why won’t you trust me?

—Because you can’t understand.

And he couldn’t trust anyone who didn’t, much less do what they told him to.

Do you prefer annihilation while you still don’t understand what I am?

—I’d be killed by Yukikaze and not by you. I don’t give a damn about you anymore. I won’t let you come between us, so get the hell out of here! This is the relationship I share with her, and I’ll be damned if I’ll let you get in the way of it. I’m busy here trying to perfect my relationship with Yukikaze. Quit bothering me! My life or death is my own business. I won’t let anyone take that from me!

He felt violent rage. A terrible anger he’d never experienced before. Whether it originated from himself or the owner of the voice, Rei couldn’t say for sure.

The anger became an explosion of energy. Or at least that was what Rei thought. He couldn’t see the main display anymore. The intense light spread. He felt the force of it blast the missile hanging over him away. This being, whatever it was, would not have him.

Rei sensed that he’d won, and joy filled his heart. It became a wave of force, shaking his surroundings as it spread.

He was filled with a terrific sense of euphoria, and the external rage turned to vague resentment, and then to bewilderment. Why was he so confused? he wondered, regretting that the feeling was already fading. Rei realized that the anger and confusion weren’t his own, but the sense of joy he felt was also fading along with them. The light was fading. It grew dark. A powerful fatigue began to take the place of the sense of triumph he’d felt. Discomfort with his own body.

Once more, he had a sense of his own physical form. The beating of his heart, his ragged breathing, the sweat that soaked him from head to toe, the ache in his head. As his sight brought back his sense of reality, the readouts on the display grabbed his attention.

The countdown to impact had been replaced with the word FAIL.

The attack had failed.

The perfection of my ideal relationship with Yukikaze has failed, Rei thought, his mind still drifting in a dreamlike state.

The warning alarm that followed snapped him back to consciousness. The seat ejection sequencer was being activated, setting off a warning strobe. This was happening. He was in danger.

If the pilot in front activated the sequencer, the person in the rear had no choice but to be ejected as well. But the person in the rear could select to eject either both seats or just their own. At the moment, it was set to eject the rear seat only. The ejection call could be executed by pulling on either a handle located next to the crewman’s knees or the ones overhead. Checking his rearview mirror, Rei saw that Lieutenant Katsuragi was grasping the overhead handles.