communication back home far exceed those in past wars. Deployed soldiers have easy access to phones, and the lines of communication allow for speech, text, and video in many places.
Though technology has made it easier for military personnel to connect with loved ones, it is always difficult to communicate the personal struggles and trials of deployment with our families back home. The deployed soldier should avoid describing traumatic experiences. One must realize that the circumstance around our communication is anything but normal. The stresses on each person are so unique, and there is so much separation that families have a difficult time appreciating the stress of being thousands of miles away in harms person.
Dear God, when I must prepare to leave my spouse, whether for a day or year, please lead, guide, and direct my spouse and me. Keep our hearts knit together before we say our goodbyes.
“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:22–25)
December 6
DEALING WITH STRESS
One soldier commented:
The quietness was uncomfortable. Only a few hours ago I was in combat. A man died; he was sitting in the place I was supposed to be. It should have been me. Life ends so quickly. Now I’m safe and they are preparing him to go home. I have to let my family know I am okay if the news reports anything. But how do you call home after an event like that? How do I let them know I am okay without scaring them?
Some people share everything with their families. I think that is a mistake. It is not their role to live the trauma with you. They are trying to survive a different stress, and those descriptions only add to weight they must carry. It is equally true that you shouldn’t hide everything from them. After a while it will build such a barrier between you that nothing significant is shared.
There is an advantage in discussing the possibility of this type of experiences prior to deployment. The weeks leading up to deployment are stressful, and many couples elect to not discuss anything related to the approaching separation. They fear that it will only lead to argument and distance. This just illustrates how stress levels increase dramatically even before the loved one leaves. Most people do not understand that level of stress. These issues require a support group, someone to facilitate the emotional groundwork required to make it through the deployment.
The deployed soldier can compartmentalize the stress given the relative simplicity of deployed life. (After all, cooking and laundry are handled for you.) Families at home have a much different environment in which to survive. Despite the day’s traumatic events, milk and bread must still be purchased, dinner must be made, dishes and laundry must be tended to, children must be cleaned and fed and tucked in bed and then they struggle to get enough sleep to start it all over again the next day. This is done in communities that largely do not recognize them or the trial their families are going through. There is pitifully weak support in most of America for deployed families, and very few who understand the severity of the stress they endure.
Dear God, use the books like this one and Faith Deployed to raise awareness for the need to support the families of those serving in the armed forces in Iraq, Afghanistan, and elsewhere around the world.
“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayer.” (1 Peter 3:7)
December 7
POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS SYNDROME
Another soldier commented:
I saw a lot of combat. Our unit took casualties in Najaf and Fallujah. I don’t have to talk about it when I am around my guys, and I don’t know how to talk about it when I am around friends from back home. I don’t know if I have PTSD or not. When I am around my guys I feel fine; when I am around my family or friends they just don’t understand. I can’t relate to them. I struggle even to want to relate to them.
There is a saying that PTSD (now referred to as PTSS or Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome), goes away when the victim is around other vets. Do soldiers stop suffering from PTSS around comrades or is it that the events are more understood and the stress reduced when they are with those who share the experience?
It is human nature to feel more comfortable around those who are familiar with our experience. That’s true for PTSS regardless of whether it’s from combat experience or sexual abuse. That’s why we have groups for PTSS. There is a significant comfort that comes from not having to explain yourself or why an experience was traumatic.
Let me emphasize that someone should not base a decision about whether or not to seek help on the way he or she feels or behaves around others who went through the same experience. PTSS is the way those experiences effect a soldier outside that circle of comrades and friends. It is the way it affects his or her relationships with family and friends, coworkers, and supervisors. If those relationships are suffering or if one’s ability to function in civilian life is affected by traumatic experiences then that person should seek help.
It’s not how the veteran relates to other veterans but rather how he relates to his family and his obligations once he returns home, that is the question. This is one area the veteran should lean upon family. Trust their impressions. Comrades may be unable to tell whether or not a fellow soldier’s experiences are affecting the ability to function. A soldier’s family however, knows their loved one. Family members can more easily detect dysfunction and adjustment stress.
Please bring your healing to my loved one or friend or fellow church member who is suffering from PTSS. May he/she receive the professional and personal support that is needed.
“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.” (3 John:2)
December 8
THE IMPORTANCE OF DEBRIEFING
