Gathering up my book and sweater, I headed for the gate. I couldn’t completely drown out those taunting voices in my head or the unwelcome images they painted, but at least I would be safe inside from Mariama’s wrath, though no sanctuary could ever protect me from Devlin.
We went in through the side door and I took him back to my office where I could keep an eye on Angus and watch out for the ghosts. Devlin walked restlessly around the room, hands in pockets, studying the books in my shelves and the photographs on my walls. He seemed aimless and edgy, like a panther stalking his cage.
I said a little too breathlessly, “Do you want something to drink? Some tea or coffee? A glass of wine, maybe?”
“I’m fine. I’m just on my way to dinner. I saw your car out front so I took a chance that you’d be home.”
I nodded, fighting the urge to fling myself at him. He was so close, and I’d been so lonely without him. But already Mariama lurked in the shadows. Watching us. Taunting me.
“I’ve always been intrigued by these images.” He nodded toward the double-exposed photographs I’d taken of old graveyards superimposed over cityscapes. “The first time I saw them, I knew they were an insight into your world. I found them lonely and unsettling, but I was drawn to them just the same.”
My heart still thudded. “And I told you they were just pictures.”
“Revealing pictures.” He pinned me with those brooding eyes. “That bothers you, doesn’t it? You don’t like to let anyone in.”
“I could say the same about you.”
“My world is sometimes a pretty bleak place,” he murmured, moving over to the bookcases and then to the windows.
I could see his reflection in the glass, and I watched him there, the hollow in my chest growing deeper by the minute. He had no idea what he did to me. No clue that here in my sanctuary, away from his ghosts, he had unwittingly replenished his siphoned energy with mine. Already my knees had gone weak.
“This room brings back a lot of memories,” he said.
For me, too. It was here that we had pondered an investigation together, here that we had shared our first kiss. Here that I had fallen in love with him. No, that wasn’t quite right. I’d fallen for Devlin the moment he’d stepped out of the mist on the Battery. It was only in my office where we’d worked on a case together that I’d finally been able to admit it.
He turned. “I’ve missed you,” he said softly.
I closed my eyes on a tremulous breath. “I’ve missed you, too.”
“Then why did you run away from me last night?”
“I was frightened.”
“Of what?” When I said nothing, I saw a fist clench at his side. “You have no idea how I’ve racked my brain, trying to figure you out. When you came to my house that night last spring…I would have sworn you wanted me as much as I wanted you. Or did I read you wrong?”
“You weren’t wrong.”
“Then what happened?”
“Your ghosts happened.”
He stared at me for the longest time, something flickering behind his eyes. Doubt? Fear? Disbelief? “My ghosts?”
“Your memories. Your guilt. They’re still there, aren’t they?”
“Yes,” he said, and I thought I heard him sigh. “They’re still here.”
It was a long time before either of us spoke after that. He gazed out into the gathering darkness as I stood there gazing at his reflection. I’d wondered over the months since I’d last seen him if my memory had dramatized his features—those fathomless eyes, the perfect nose, the tiny imperfection of a scar beneath his lower lip. I still dreamed about that face, about those eyes, about that sensuous mouth and what it could do to me.
There was a time when I’d thought I could move on without him, but that moment was long gone. All he had to do was look at me, say my name in that devastating drawl, and I knew it would never be over. I would always be trapped in this limbo. Suspended in the in-between space of what was safe and what I desperately wanted.
He finally turned from the windows. “This conversation isn’t going at all the way I planned it,” he said with a trace of irony.
I lifted a brow. “How did you plan it?”
“I never meant to come over here and badger you for answers or dredge up old grievances. The time for airing all that is long past. I actually came here to tell you that you were right to run away last night. Somehow I got sidetracked.” His gaze searched my face, lingered on my lips, and I felt a flutter of awareness deep down in my stomach.
“When did you come to that conclusion?” I asked coolly, even though I knew it was ridiculous to feel hurt and rejected when, in fact, I was the one who had bolted like a frightened colt. With good reason, of course, but he couldn’t know that.
“Something’s come up. I’m involved in a matter that could get a little dicey. I don’t want it touching you.”
So…his rejection wasn’t personal. He wasn’t being driven away by his ghosts or even by another woman. I felt a rush of unreasonable relief until dread pricked my bubble. That overheard conversation on his porch came rushing back, and suddenly I knew why he was so wired. I recognized the source of all that nervous energy. He was going after Darius Goodwine.
I walked over to the window, resisting the temptation to place my hand on his arm. To draw comfort from his warmth even as he sustained himself with mine. “This involvement…has to do with a police investigation?”
“Unofficially.”
“What does that mean?”
He gave a slight shrug. “I’m looking into something that isn’t exactly by the book. But that’s all I can say. The less you know the safer you’ll be.”
“What does any of this have to do with me?” I asked in confusion.
“It doesn’t, except that someone might try to use you to stop me.”
“How?” I asked in alarm, my mind on Darius Goodwine.
“It doesn’t matter because I won’t let it happen.”
I stared at him for the longest moment, trying to intuit his emotions from his stoic demeanor. “Whatever it is, it sounds dangerous.”
“Not if you do as I ask.”
“I wasn’t talking about me.”
His features softened, and I saw the hint of a smile that made my knees go even weaker. “You don’t need to worry about me. I know what I’m doing.”
Of course, he did. I’d never known anyone so competent, so utterly focused when he needed to be. But that glimmer of excitement in his eyes troubled me. That pent-up tension worried me even more. He wasn’t at all frightened. He relished the prospect of going after Darius, a man Ethan said had devotees all over the city. A man Fremont said had made the transition from shaman to sorcerer.
“How can I not worry?” I asked sharply. “You’re telling me just enough to
“I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intent. I just wanted you to understand why we have to keep our distance.”
“I’m getting that message loud and clear.”
My wounded tone seemed to take him aback. “When I can tell you, I will.”
“That really isn’t much comfort.”
He still looked bemused and not a little intrigued by my reaction. “It’s the best I can do for now. But there’s something else I need from you. It’s very important.”
“What is it?”
He put his hands on my shoulders and gazed directly into my eyes. “If I disappear, don’t come looking for me.”
“What?” Panic skittered over me as my anger fled. “What do you mean, if you disappear?”
His grip tightened ever so slightly. “If you don’t see or hear from me, just let it go. Don’t call my phone, don’t
