“I can’t help it. It’s been so long, I don’t know if there’s anything left in me.” She turned her head toward him. “I want you to understand that I am glad this happened. I’m glad Richard did this. He thinks he is punishing me more, but he’s not. This is a chance for me, a chance with a good man like you. I was getting so desperate, I was thinking about approaching one of the Mexicans. But then you Were here and I heard them talking about a woman for you. I had hoped it would be me, but now that I’m here, I’m not sure what to do anymore. You’ll have to help me.”
Longarm sighed. He said, “Well, there’s the rub, lady. I’m of two minds about this myself. I’m not sure I know how to go about stirring you up. My own fire hasn’t completely been lit and I don’t know where your coals are so that I can blow on them.”
Now an almost pleading tone came into her voice. She said, “Just do it. Perhaps I will feel something and it will all come back to me. You must know that I haven’t felt anything for a long, long time. I don’t even feel like a woman anymore. I feel like this is my last chance and I’m asking you to please help me.”
Longarm’s mind was still confused, but it seemed that he had no choice in the matter. He leaned over and kissed her on the mouth. Her lips were thin and dry. He pulled back. He said softly, “Sarah, you’re going to have to loosen up more than this.”
She said, “I’ll try but I’m very nervous.”
Longarm leaned over again, this time slowly forcing her lips apart, completing the kiss. He held it for a good half moment, feeling her slowly starting to respond. After that, he began kissing her on the neck and then down her front toward her breasts. He had his right hand on her side. He felt the tremble run through her as he took her nipple into his mouth. He worked it with his tongue, feeling it grow hard under his caress. Now her lips had parted slightly and he could hear her breathing increase.
He took her small hand, surprisingly smooth in spite of the work she was forced to do, and put it on his penis. Almost involuntarily she began to stroke him. He could feel desire rising.
She said, “Please do it. Do it now. I’m so afraid of what I might miss if you don’t hurry.”
He wanted to tell her that she wasn’t ready yet and he wanted to tell her that he wasn’t ready yet, but he guessed that she wanted to practice. He thought he would do the best he could. He got up on his knees and carefully worked his way over her legs, slowly spreading them in the process. Then he leaned down on her and guided himself into her vagina. She was dry and it was difficult to penetrate. At one point, she let out a half-muffled scream and he could tell that it had hurt her. He worked slower, trying to get an arousal, trying to get her juices flowing. Finally, he was in her but still she lay inert making no move to participate. His mouth was next to her ears. He whispered, “Sarah, put your arms around me and raise up and lock your legs around my hips.” She did it in a mechanical fashion.
If it had not been so long, he doubted that he could have accomplished his part. As it was, he had to conjure up visions in his mind of Molly Coy and the acrobatic dressmaker back in Denver. But finally, his natural healthy appetite took over and he began to stroke himself into her with greater vigor and deeper thrusts. He could feel her becoming moist as he worked. He took his mouth from her ear and clamped it onto hers, forcing her mouth to open and her tongue to come out. He grasped her tightly with his strong arms and he could feel her arms pulling at his neck. But the good feeling lasted all too short. He had too much pent-up sex in him to have prolonged the pleasure. All of a sudden, he exploded inside her, raised up and let out a moan as he ejaculated. He could feel her rotating her hips trying to help him, but it was just a fleeting thought in the midst of the tumbling myriad of flashing lights and noises that were going on in his head.
Just as suddenly as he had risen to the top, he collapsed, his whole weight going dead on her. He felt her give a sigh as he lay there.
For a long moment, he didn’t move. He was conscious that she was kissing his forehead and then his cheeks and then the other parts of his face she could reach. He carefully disengaged himself and rolled off of her onto his side of the bed.
For a long moment, nothing was said. Then she turned her face toward him and whispered softly, “I’m sorry. I thought it would come back.”
Longarm turned sideways so that he could reach her face with his hand. He stroked her cheek. He said, “Sarah, it was fine, just fine. Don’t think about it. It was wonderful. It was me that was stiff and awkward. It wasn’t your fault.”
“It’s just been so long, it’s hard to explain how I feel inside. He might as well have killed me on the outside as killed me inside.”
Longarm said, “Honey, I don’t know what you expected. You said that you’ve been out of the saddle for three years or better. You can’t expect to just jump on a horse and ride like you used to.”
In the light, he could see her biting at her lip. She said, “It’s not just the time without, it’s the feelings inside me he put there. It’s the cruelty, the hate he showed me. I didn’t know people could feel like that. He’s an evil man, so cruel, so hard.” She suddenly turned her face away.
Longarm hitched himself up on the bed until he was leaning against the headboard. He reached over and got himself a cigarillo and lit it. The flame of the match illuminated both of them more clearly than the lamp. In the sudden flash he could see the sadness in her face. He shook the match out and got his cigarillo drawing good. He said, “Sarah, I think that you’re going to have to tell me about your Mr. Richard Brown.”
She gave a short bark of laughter. “Tell you about Richard Brown? There is no Richard Brown. Only the Richard part is right.”
Longarm said, “I didn’t think his name was Brown. I don’t know if you’re going to tell me his last name or not or if you’re going to tell me anything about him. I can tell you this, though. Whatever you do tell me dies with me. I would never give you away for all the money in the world or all the tea in China, but I think you’re going to have to talk about it. I’m not going to be here that much longer. This place is not going to hold me and I will find that man and I will either kill him or put him so far deep in jail, they’re going to have to roll his supper down to him.”
Sarah turned her face to look at him. She said, “Oh, if only I could believe that.”
Longarm looked at her gruffly. He said, “Believe it.”
She was silent for a moment and then she said, quite matter of factly, “I hate him.” She paused. “I’m thirty years old, and for at least twenty-nine of those years, I never thought I could say that about anyone. But to see me now, you would have a hard time believing that I was once very sweet, very loving, very affectionate.” She paused again. Longarm waited for her to go on. “But he changed that in me. I don’t mean just the lovemaking. I don’t mean that he made me incapable of feeling passion. He made me feel incapable of love. He’s turned all of the good feeling inside me into bitterness and hate, and I hate him for that.” She turned her head and looked at Longarm. “Can you
