“Only in the sense that it was the other person who died instead of me. I’ve always felt it was a tragic waste. Every man I’ve killed was once an infant in his mother’s loving arms. Later a kid with a hoop and stick, laughing and doing all the things that kids do. Then a man, dying in the dust with his blood pumping out of his veins and wondering if there really is a heaven or a hell, or just nothing but an eternal, cold, and absolute blackness.”
Caroline took a deep breath. “You are a remarkable man, Mr. Long. I’ve never met anyone remotely like YOU.”
He forced a smile. “I’m going to take that as a compliment.”
“Please do.” She reached up and touched his cheek. “I wish … I wish that I was Irma.”
“Why?”
Her eyes dropped and her cheeks flushed with color. “So that I could know you like she does.”
Longarm sucked in a deep breath and surprised himself by blurting out, “Caroline, I’m not sure that that would be such a good idea.”
“Why not?” she asked, suddenly looking up at him and placing her hands on his broad shoulders.
“Because I’m not the gentleman you think I am,” he confessed. “I’ve a lot of the animal in me. If I didn’t have that, I would have been killed years ago.”
She swallowed hard, and he knew that her next words were difficult and came from the heart.
“And what if I told you that even aristocratic women have a little bit of the ‘animal’ buried deep inside of them? And that they aren’t ashamed of it and even desire it at times.”
Longarm reached out and pushed the door shut. He took Caroline in his arms and kissed her deeply, passionately, and she reacted like any healthy young woman who had ever been attracted to him. Caroline’s lips were soft and her body was even softer. Longarm heard a moan escape her and he reached down to unbutton her dress, but Caroline suddenly broke away.
“No,” she whispered.
“Why not?”
“Because of Irma. She’s my friend.”
Longarm expelled a deep breath. “Yes,” he said, “and mine. I care for her.”
“Then … then there is nothing more to say, is there?”
“I don’t think so,” he reluctantly agreed. “But you must have known this would happen if you came to my compartment.”
“I was hoping just to apologize.”
He took her into his arms and kissed her mouth again, only this time gently and without a great hunger surging up in his loins. “I don’t believe that for a single moment, Lady Caroline. I think you wanted to make love, but had a sudden and massive attack of guilt.”
She smiled. “Are you always so brutally honest with ladies who find you irresistible?”
“No.”
“I don’t know whether to feel happy or sad that you were with me, but I’m glad to have kissed you, Marshal. After I’ve long been back in England and most of the memories of this great adventure have faded, I’ll still remember and treasure these moments. And if I someday have children, when I am old and they are courting, I’ll tell them about the handsome and brave United States marshal who risked his life for us and whom I kissed and desired with all my heart.”
Longarm smoothed his mustache. “You had better get out of here while you still can.”
“Let’s not let Irma know we had this conversation and a kiss.”
“Of course not.”
“Would you ever …”
“at?”
“Consider marrying her?”
“No.”
“Why not? Irma is pretty and good. She’s smart and I think she is wonderful. Marshal, I was very much hoping that you shared that conclusion.”
“I do,” he said. “It’s got nothing to do with Irma and everything to do with me. I couldn’t ask a woman to marry me given the kinds of things that I have to do in my line of work.”
“Like shooting men before they shoot you.”
“Exactly.”
“Very sensible,” she said, turning to leave.
“Caroline. May I ask you a personal question?”
She turned back. “Of course.”
“Why are you out here?”
“My husband died last year.”
“I’m sorry.”
