Longarm said, “Say, ‘I do,’ or ‘I agree,’ or ‘OK’ or something. Just say yes.”
Hawkins pulled his head back. “Like hell I will. You’re not going to deputize me as any United States marshal deputy, temporary or otherwise.”
Longarm said, “Those aren’t even the right words. It’s been so long since I’ve done it, I forgot the right word. You’re an auxiliary United States deputy marshal. And whether you say I do or you don’t, you have to do it.”
Hawkins said, “Like hell I do.”
Longarm said, “I am duly constituted by my authority, which goes directly to the executive branch of this government, to requisition anything, man, woman, child, mule, marbles, wagons, cannon, whatever I need for the performance of my duty. And I happen to need you for the performance of my duty. So, Mr. Hawkins, you are now an auxiliary United States deputy marshal. Do you want to make it an amiable connection so you can get paid by saying ‘I do,’ or do you want to do it to where I’ve got to force you? Then you don’t get no pay, no benefits, no thanks from your country.”
Hawkins’s face was set. He said, “Do you know what you’re asking me to do? I don’t want to get mixed up in this mess. Hell, them folks are using real bullets, Marshal. I don’t want one of them things passing through my body.”
Longarm said as kindly as he could, “George, you ain’t got no choice. I need somebody to run an errand for me, and you’re the only one I know that can do it. Now, you’re going to have to do it, or I’m going to have to put you in jail. Which would you rather have?”
Hawkins sputtered for a moment. He said, “You … you can’t put me in jail. Hell, they ain’t even got a jail in this town.”
Longarm shook his head sadly. “I know that, Mr. Hawkins, but there’s plenty of jails around here, and don’t think I won’t take you to where there is a jail and put you in it and keep you there for quite a while.”
“What in the hell are you pulling on me?”
“George, I don’t have any choice. If I thought I was putting you in any danger, I wouldn’t do it. All I need you to do is a simple errand for me and then you’re out of it and you can go on your way. It will just delay you one day, that’s all.”
Hawkins stared at him for a long moment, his chest heaving. He looked angry, and when he opened his mouth he sounded angrier. He said, “Damn it, Marshal Long. There ought to be a law against this. You can’t just up and grab a United States citizen and make them do what you say. Why, that’s the damnedest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Longarm nodded. “I agree with you. It’s a shame the amount of power that the government puts in a person like me. I ain’t worthy of it. I ain’t to be trusted with it. Here’s a good example of it right here. I’m taking advantage of you, and I ought not be doing it. A better man than I am wouldn’t be doing it, but I’ve just got to, because it’s the only way I can figure out how to get this job done. If there was a better man sitting here, he’d figure a better way to do the job and wouldn’t need to bother you. But there it is, Mr. Hawkins. You can see for yourself I’m not all that smart, so that’s how come I’ve got to make use of you. I’m sorry for that, and I’m sorry for you. I’ll ask you again. Do you want to agree to this and get paid for it and get all the credit and the decorations and the thanks of a grateful government, or do you want to be pressed into service and get paid nothing?”
Hawkins glared at him. “What the hell does this job pay?”
“Two dollars a day; you furnish your own horse and cartridges.”
Hawkins stared at him. He said, “Two dollars a day? I eat more than two dollars a day.”
Longarm nodded sympathetically. He said, “Yeah, the damned government is cheap as hell. I couldn’t agree more with you. Well, what’ll it be? A good snappy I agree, I do, or what?”
Hawkins sighed and sat back in his chair. He said, “You’re the damnedest son of a bitch that I’ve ever run into in my life. All right. OK. I agree. I do. Whatever. Son of a bitch, now I’m a law officer.”
Longarm half smiled and lifted his glass in a toast. He said, “That you are, George. That you are.”
Hawkins sat contemplating Longarm for a moment. “You ain’t told me yet the details about what I’m going to do or how I’m going to do it.”
“Well, the reason for that is right now, I don’t know.”
Hawkins got a strangled look on his face. “You mean that you’re setting me up for something that you ain’t even sure of? That you don’t even know the particulars of? That you don’t know the outcome of?”
Longarm laughed. “Oh, hell. I seldom know how things are going to come out. I generally just stir things around with a stick until I get the pot to boiling and see what pops out.”
Hawkins shook his head. He pointed a bony finger at Longarm. He said, “Marshal, I want you to get one thing straight. I’m fifty years old, and I have every intention of turning fifty-one. You better not interfere with that plan.”
Longarm said with amusement in his voice, “Mr. Hawkins, it is my intention that we both grow older. The only reason I can’t lay the log to this plan is that it’s still kind of flitting around in my mind. I’ll have it worked out by after supper tonight and then you and I can sit in here or set out for a walk and have a talk about it.”
Hawkins eyed Longarm narrowly. He said, “You know, something is starting to come back to me. Your last name is Long and you’re a United States Marshal. There’s supposed to be some famous old boy named Longarm. That wouldn’t by some chance be you, would it? The long arm of the law? The man that no criminal can get away from? No thief, no outlaw, no murderer?”
Longarm said, “Well, I get called that mostly by people who I take to be joking. It got stuck on me some years back and it’s kind of hung on.”
Hawkins straightened up in his chair. “Why, you’re give out to be wild as hell. They say you’re crazy. They say you’ll do anything. Here I am mixed up with … Good lord, what have I got myself into?”
Longarm held up a pacifying hand. He said, “Oh, hell, Mr. Hawkins. It ain’t all that bad. You know how these stories get spread around and how they grow and get exaggerated. I’m just a peaceful law officer.”
“Yes, but you’re supposed to have pulled some kind Of stunts. It’s said that you’ve run men all over the
