'A way with testicles, certainly.'
Gwen dropped to her haunches by Rob and slapped him hard on the cheek. After a moment she did it again.
'He's completely out of it,' she said, walking out into the hall.
'Thank you, Nurse Cooper,' Ianto muttered, trying to wrestle Rob onto his shoulders.
Jack worked his way through the storage compartments in the rear of the SUV, grabbing a couple of packs of plastic explosive and a timed detonator, then walked back into the house.
'Definitely a subtle plan, then?' Alexander joked, spotting the explosive.
Gwen came out of the lounge.
'I need to borrow your friend,' she said to Alexander. 'Julia's a dead weight, and he seems a strapping lad.' She grinned at Joe, who, of course, grinned back.
'Strapping,' he said.
'Very well,' Alexander sighed. 'Hannah? Your turn on piggyback duty.'
'Oh God!' Hannah moaned, walking over to the stairs. 'That is
'I'll have you know that there are many civilisations who would consider it an honour. Besides, look at me — you've worn heavier coats in your time.'
She mumbled under her breath but had no choice but to let him climb on.
'Who are these two, anyway?' Jack asked.
'Deputies,' Alexander replied. 'I drafted them to the cause. You owe Joe a new car and Hannah some kitchen equipment.'
Jack shook his head. 'Whatever. We can worry about them later.' He turned to Gwen. 'Keep your eye on them.'
She nodded. 'Of course.'
'OK… Now will you all get out of here?' Jack began herding them through the door.
Ianto and Joe grunted their way out of the lounge, only one of them smiling. As soon as everyone was outside, Jack slammed the door behind them, took a deep breath and ran up the stairs.
'Hold it still!' Alexander moaned, trying to track the waveform movements on the PDA screen as Hannah held it up for him.
'Whatever,' she whinged, though the drug in her system was still in full effect so she froze like a statue.
Alexander gripped the brolly tight against the force of the rain and compared the readings in front of him to the driveway ahead. It was getting much harder to tell, the ripples moving even faster now as the disruption increased.
'I think…' he said, screwing up his eyes and trying to find the weak points, 'I think it's over…'
'Shut up!' Rob roared, thrashing on Ianto's shoulders and sending both of them tumbling to the ground. Rob was quick to his feet, grabbing the PDA from Hannah's hands and pushing Alexander from her shoulders.
Alexander shouted in pain as he landed badly, the sound of his wrist snapping audible even over Rob's ranting.
'Get out of my house!' he was screaming. 'Give me back my wife and get out!'
'Did nobody think to bind his legs?' Alexander shouted.
'What do I do?' Joe asked.
'Oh, give her to him!' Alexander replied. 'Just get the waveform reader back or we'll never get out of here.'
'No!' Gwen shouted. 'Keep her away from him, Joe.'
Joe made a childlike whining noise. The drug programmed him to obey, but it didn't care who was giving the orders. He didn't know what to do.
'Typical,' Alexander moaned, cradling his broken wrist. 'We're about to get caught in a time-space collapse, and Torchwood Girl wants to worry about an abusive relationship. Let the apes do their thing, I say.'
Rob was moving perilously close to the edge of the drive and the waveform. 'Burst the sky and know real fears!' he shouted, fragments of his dream returning to him.
Ianto had rolled over to the SUV. Reaching into the glove compartment, he pulled out the spare handgun he knew Jack made a habit of stashing there.
'Hand the reader over,' he shouted, pointing the gun at Rob, 'and… well… stop being such a pain in the arse, frankly.'
'Oh, very good,' Alexander muttered. 'But I think we can all see he's beyond the point of negotiation.' He beckoned Hannah closer and began to whisper in her ear.
As Jack moved up the stairs, he could feel the air shifting around him. The entities must be close to entering, reality was beginning to fall apart. At the first-floor landing, Kerry Robinson held out her opened wrists to him, dripping more than bath water onto the carpet at her feet.
'It'll stop hurting soon,' he promised her as he ran past and up the next flight of stairs.
He wasn't surprised to see Alison floating high in the corner of the upstairs room, but was careful to avoid stepping too close. He didn't have time to get caught in the reeds of her little bubble of hell.
'I'll do what I can,' he said, moving carefully across the floorboards, trying to find the doorways he'd experienced before. He only hoped they were still…
He found himself in Rob and Julia's bedroom, both of them now thankfully asleep. Carefully, he backed up into the upstairs room and worked his way around the tear in space-time, waving his fingers in front of him to find its edges.
If that one was still there then that meant… his hand vanished up to the wrist in front of him.
He was briefly aware of the smell of onions before he stepped forward and vanished.
***
'Life's so unfair,' moaned Hannah, walking towards Joe.
'Stay back!' Rob shouted. 'I just want all of you out of here, go on…'
'Idiot,' Hannah said to Joe. 'Give him the woman, as long as he hands over the thing in his hands, and ignore what anyone else says.'
'Oh…' The relief on Joe's face was immense. 'Hey, mister, do swaps?'
Gwen tried to push Joe back, but Hannah punched her in the jaw.
'That hurt my bloody hand!' she shouted, walking alongside Joe towards Rob.
'There,' Rob said, throwing the PDA to Hannah. 'Now hand her over.'
Hannah put the PDA on the floor and ran at Rob screaming and crying simultaneously. 'Life's so unfair!' she screeched, jumping at Rob and knocking both of them back into the waveform.
They were caught, twisting slowly as the ripples of space-time distortion pushed and pulled them, ageing bone and peeling skin, hair growing only to become dust.
'Stay back!' Alexander shouted as Ianto ran forward to try and help. 'There's nothing to be done.'
The two of them became less distinct as they broke up into chunks, pebbles, grit, then dust, dissipating around the waveform like sugar stirred into coffee.
'You made her do that!' Gwen shouted at Alexander.
'Oh shut up and grow a pair,' Alexander muttered. 'I did what had to be done. Now pass me the reader and hope the rain's not completely…'
'He's gone!' Joe wailed. 'What am I supposed to do with her if he's gone?' He whirled around in distress and stamped on the PDA.
TWENTY-THREE
Jack stepped out into a Penylan night at the turn of the twentieth century. Taking a breath of fresh air to cleanse his palate after the oppressive, static-filled atmosphere of Jackson Leaves, he walked to the centre of the hard concrete foundations and began to set his explosive charge.
