Another Life

Guardian, pages torn from the BMJ. ‘Can’t tell if you live here on your own or not,’ he added in his normal voice.

‘Mind your own bloody business,’ Megan retorted mildly.

While he’d been looking at the magazines, she had walked into the room behind him. She carried a circular tray that held an opened bottle and two large wine glasses. She’d removed her thin cardigan, and the ribbed cream top she wore accentuated her slender arms and the roundness of her breasts. He pretended to look at her hair instead. ‘You’ve cut it a lot shorter. Than I remember, I mean.’

‘Easier for A amp;E.’

‘And I like your necklace.’

‘Do sit down, Owen, I don’t charge people to use the furniture.’

He perched on the sofa. The leather cushion creaked. Megan set the tray down on the glass-topped table. She handed him a little white and yellow item that was also on the tray. ‘Look what I have in my kitchen,’ she said.

He examined the object. It was a fridge magnet in the shape of a fried egg, sunny side up. ‘Egg magnet,’ he grinned.

‘I thought you’d come to talk about the online game,’ Megan said. ‘But all this interest in my living arrangements… I’m starting to think you’re just after a shag for old times’ sake. Don’t get your hopes up, I changed my mind. About the tea. Thought you’d like a glass of wine, especially if you’ve had a hard day at the office. Assuming you’re at an office. Are you at an office? Oh… but you’re driving… I suppose one would be all right. I could pour you half a glass.’ She was leaning over the table in front of him, watching him smile in recognition. ‘I’m rambling on, aren’t I? Sorry.’

Just as in the game earlier, he recognised her stream of consciousness explain-while-I’m-thinking-aloud manner. ‘I haven’t come for a sympathy shag, no. You and I were over a long time ago.’

‘You count the days, I imagine.’

‘Don’t you?’ he joked, and was a little surprised when her neck flushed. He recognised that reaction, too. ‘I’ve had a very shitty day,’ he continued quickly, ‘and I’d love a glass of… whatever that is.’

She glugged out half a glass for him, more. ‘Chateau La Fleur Chambeau 2004.’

‘French.’

‘Well done, Clouseau. It’s a wine from Lussac Saint-Emilion. It’s very similar to what you’d get from the more illustrious Saint-Emilion and Pomerol appellations. But it’s cheaper, of course. Have you educated your palate since we…’ She paused awkwardly. Poured herself a glass, and then breathed in the aroma. ‘Are you more discriminating, or am I wasting this very fine bottle on you?’

Owen smiled. ‘I remember how you tried to convince me to become an… oenophile? Was that the word?’

She sat beside him on the sofa. ‘And I remember you thought that was a sexual practice.’

‘There were a lot of wankers in your wine club.’ He chinked his glass against hers.

‘Bloody cheek. And don’t just swig it down. Like this, remember?’ Megan swirled the wine around her glass and inhaled the aroma. ‘Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you came empty-handed tonight.’ She narrowed her eyes, and studied him a bit more closely. ‘Are those biscuit crumbs on your jacket sleeve? Or bits of old crisps? In fact, have you made any kind of effort this evening to…’

Her voice trailed off as she saw something else.

‘Is that a gun in your pocket, Owen?’

Owen shifted awkwardly on the sofa, straightened his jacket and trousers. ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’

Megan looked like she couldn’t decide whether to get up or to remain seated. She fidgeted with her glass. She set it down on the glass table-top. Changed her mind and transferred it to the tray. Twisted her necklace between her long, pale fingers. ‘Oh,’ she said eventually. ‘Oh God, you’re a gangster. A gangster with a gun. In my living room.’ She offered him a sort of desperate half-smile that seemed to beg him to contradict her. To reassure her. To say she was overreacting.

Owen listened to the sound of the rain battering the window for a while, thinking how best to go on. He took a gulp at the Chateau La Fleur.

‘I work for Torchwood,’ he began.

The second glass was better than the first, Owen decided. He’d helped himself, if only to punctuate his explanation with a pause to do something else.

He’d tried to explain, but his rehearsed routine from the car journey here had melted away into a mishmash of false starts and goings back and repetition. Megan had slowly relaxed into the sofa, bringing her legs up onto the cushion and cradling her glass lightly in both hands. He tried to decipher her expression, just as he had when they had lived together. In Balham, decoding her unspoken mood had been a different matter, the consequences less significant. In their kitchen as they cooked, could he escape some chore? In their hallway as he arrived back from university, had she caught him out in a small untruth? In their bedroom, was she expecting him to have noticed a change she’d made to the flat, her clothes, her hair? After making love, was she trying not to blurt out again that she loved him?

Here in her lonely, draughty maisonette, he watched her face for the familiar clues that he’d barely forgotten over the years. She couldn’t quite hold his gaze, affecting to study his jacket, or picking at crumbs on his trouser leg. Finally, she said in a quiet, faintly mocking voice: ‘So, you’re like Customs and Excise for aliens. You’re the space police?’

‘Police?’ Owen snorted, and immediately regretted the dismissive sound he’d made. ‘I mean, all that process and procedure and paperwork just get in the way.’

‘So you’re outside the law.’

‘You sound like Gwen. No, not that either. We’re… tangential to it.’ He rubbed pensively at his forehead. ‘It all seemed so much easier when Jack explained it to me that first time.’

‘Who’s Gwen? Your girlfriend?’

Owen wanted to snort again, but decided not to. ‘Hardly. Not my type. Think I’d need to be a bit desperate.’ He thought about Jack gripping Gwen’s waist as they’d risen towards the Hub exit. ‘New girl at work. I’m sure she’s not interested.’

‘And Jack?’

‘Guy who hired me.’

‘Your boss?’

‘We’re more of a team…’ The conversation was slipping away from him. ‘Thing is, Megan, I think you’d be interested in Torchwood. I think you’d be right for us.’ Megan was scratching idly at another crumb on his knee, so he grasped her hand. ‘I know you would.’

‘Is that the wine talking?’

‘It’s my instinct talking.’

Megan sat up straight, her eyes alive with anger. ‘Oh, where have I heard that before? No, don’t interrupt me, don’t you dare interrupt!’ She wasn’t having any difficulty meeting his gaze now. ‘It was your instinct that you couldn’t stay in London, wasn’t it? It was your instinct that you couldn’t be cooped up, or tied down. You men, you young SHOs, you’re all the fucking same. Fixing people up is like… like… building that coffee table. You follow the instructions, you put tab A into slot B, and they’re done. The people in your life can’t be put together so easily when they’re broken. When you break them.’ She was shouting now, enough to drown out the storm at the window.

He remembered. He hadn’t known what he wanted back then. He’d only known what he didn’t want. The weekly shop at Tesco. The visits to her sister in Penarth. The trips to Croydon Ikea, to buy furniture for the flat. Stuff that might do for when they got a bigger place together, she’d said. Flatpack furniture he could bear, just about. But he hadn’t been ready for a follow-the-leaflet life with Megan. He’d escaped by making a feeble excuse, because he could. He was able to walk away from it, away from her. And he hadn’t looked back as he left to see how much she was going to miss him.

‘Your fucking instinct was a lot of good for us, wasn’t it?’ Megan concluded, more quietly. ‘I thought you were joking when you first talked about how you’d always wanted to travel. Remember? You’d met a Kiwi at a gig in Battersea. That girl Esther that I said you were obsessed by, and oh no, you said, she