'They're not real,' he said. 'The women. They aren't real. They're toys, that's all. When you have a hamburger are you eating a cow? Of course not. You're eating a hamburger.' A slight smile. 'Walking down the street she's a woman. But once she gets in the truck that's over. She's just body parts.'
A chill ran the length of my spine. When that happened my late aunt Peg used to say a goose must have just walked over my grave. A funny expression, that. I wonder where it came from.
'But do I have a choice? I think I do. It's not as though I'm driven to act out every time the moon is full. I always have a choice, and I can choose not to do anything, and I do choose not to, and then one day I choose the other way.
'So what kind of choice is it, really? I can postpone it, but then the time comes when I don't want to postpone it any longer. And postponing just makes it sweeter, anyway. Maybe that's why I do it. I read that maturity consists of the ability to defer gratification, but I don't know if this is what they had in mind.'
He looked to be on the point of further revelation, and then something shifted within him and the window of opportunity slammed shut. Whatever real self I'd been talking to ducked back behind its protective body armor. 'Why aren't you afraid?' he asked, petulant. 'I've got a gun on you and you act like it's a water pistol.'
'There's a high-powered rifle trained on you. You wouldn't get a step.'
'No, but what good would it do you? You'd think you would be scared. Are you a brave man?'
'No.'
'Well, I'm not going to shoot. And let Albert keep everything? No, I don't think so. But I think it's time for me to melt into the shadows.
Turn around, start walking back toward your friends.'
'All right.'
'There's no third man with a rifle. Did you think there was?'
'I wasn't sure.'
'You knew there wasn't. That's all right. You got the girl and we got the money. It all worked out.'
'Yes.'
'Don't try to follow me.'
'I won't.'
'No, I know you won't.'
He didn't say anything more, and I thought he had slipped away. I kept walking, and when I'd gone a dozen steps he called after me.
'I'm sorry about the fingers,' he said. 'It was an accident.'
Chapter 22
'You quiet,' TJ said.
I was driving Kenan's Buick. As soon as Lucia Landau had reached her father's side, he had scooped her up in his arms and slung her over his shoulder and hurried back to his car, with Dani and Pavel taking off after him. 'I told him not to wait around,' Kenan had said.
'Kid needed a doctor. He's got somebody lives in the neighborhood, guy'll come to the house.'
So that had left two cars for the four of us, and when we reached them Kenan tossed me the Buick's keys and said he would ride with his brother. 'Come on out to Bay Ridge,' he said. 'We'll send out for pizza or something. Then I'll run you two home.'
We were stopped at a traffic light when TJ told me I was quiet, and I couldn't argue with that. Neither of us had said a word since we got in the car. I still hadn't shaken off the effect of the conversation with Callander. I said something to the effect that our activities had taken a lot out of me.
'You was cool, though,' he said. 'Standin' up there with those dudes.'
'Where were you? We thought you were back at the car.'
He shook his head. 'I circled around 'em. Thought maybe I could see this third man, one with the rifle.'
'There wasn't any third man.'
'Sure made him hard to see. What I did, I made a big circle around
'em and slipped out the place they came in. I found their car.'
'How did you manage that?'
'Wasn't hard. I seen it before, it was the same Honda again. I backed up against a pole an' kept an eye on it an' the dude without no jacket came hurrying out of the graveyard an' threw a suitcase in the trunk.
Then he turned around an' ran back in again.'
'He was going back for the other suitcase.'
'I know, an' I thought while he's gettin' the second suitcase, I could just take the first one off his hands.
Trunk was locked, but I could open it same way he did, pressin' the release button in the glove compartment. 'Cause the car doors wasn't locked.'
