'Much better.'
'I'm glad. Sit down. What brings you here?'
'I had the urge to commit a felony.'
'I know the feeling. There's hardly a day goes by that I don't get the urge myself. You got any particular felony in mind?'
'I was thinking of a class D felony.'
'Well, we got lots of those. Criminal possession of forgery devices is a class D felony, and you're probably committing that one at this very minute. You got a pen in your pocket?'
'Two pens and a pencil.'
'Gee, it sounds as though I better Mirandize you and get you booked and printed. But I don't suppose that's the class D felony you had in mind.'
I shook my head. 'I was thinking of violating Section Two Hundred Point Zero Zero of the Criminal Code.'
'Two Hundred Point Zero Zero. You're gonna make me look that up, aren't you?'
'Why not?'
He gave me a look, then reached for a black looseleaf binder and flipped through it. 'It's a familiar number,' he said. 'Oh, right, here we are. 'Two Hundred Point Zero Zero. Bribery in the third degree. A person is guilty of bribery in the third degree when he confers, or offers or agrees to confer, any benefit upon a public servant upon an agreement or understanding that such public servant's vote, opinion, judgment, action, decision or exercise of discretion as a public servant will thereby be influenced. Bribery in the third degree is a class D felony.' ' He went on reading silently for a moment, then said, 'Are you sure you wouldn't prefer to violate Section Two Hundred Point Zero Three?'
'What's that?'
'That's bribery in the second degree. It's the same as the other only it's a class C felony. To qualify for Bribery Two, the benefit you confer or offer or agree to confer, Jesus, don't you love the way they word these things, the benefit has to be in excess of ten thousand dollars.'
'Ah,' I said. 'I think class D is my limit.'
'I was afraid of that. Can I ask you something? Before you commit your class D felony? How many years has it been since you were on the job?'
'It's been a while.'
'So how'd you remember the class of felony, let alone the article number?'
'I've got that kind of memory.'
'Bullshit. They've renumbered the sections over the years, they've changed half the book at one time or another. I just want to know how you did it.'
'You really want to know?'
'Yes.'
'I looked it up in Andreotti's book on my way up here.'
'Just to break my balls, right?'
'Just to keep you on your toes.'
'Only my best interests at heart.'
'Absolutely,' I said. I'd set aside a bill in my jacket pocket earlier, and I palmed it now and tucked it into the pocket where he keeps his cigarettes, except during those intervals when he swears off and smokes other people's. 'Buy yourself a suit,' I told him.
We were all alone in the office, so he took the bill out and examined it. 'We'll have to update the terminology. A hat's twenty-five dollars, a suit's a hundred. I don't know what a decent hat costs these days, I can't remember the last time I bought one. But I don't know where you'd get a suit for a hundred bucks outside a thrift shop. 'Here's a hundred bucks, take your wife to dinner.' What's this for, anyway?'
'I need a favor.'
'Oh?'
'There was a case I read about,' I said. 'Had to be six months ago and it could have been as much as a year. Couple of guys grabbed a woman off the street, rode off with her in a truck. She turned up a few days later in the park.'
'Dead, I'm assuming.'
'Dead.'
' 'Police suspect foul play.' Can't say it rings a bell. It wasn't one of our cases, was it?'
'It wasn't even Manhattan. I seem to remember that she turned up on a golf course in Queens, but it could as easily have been somewhere in Brooklyn. I didn't pay any attention at the time, it was just an item I read while I drank a second cup of coffee.'
'And what do you want now?'
'I want my memory refreshed.'
He looked at me. 'You're getting pretty free with a buck, aren't you? Why make a donation to my wardrobe fund when you could go to the library, look it up in the Times Index?'
