He had to admit that he had made a mistake in ignoring procedures to go after Lee Sherratt, and it had nearly ended in disaster — though he told himself that if Fry had not been with him, he would have done things differently. And then, out of the blue, he had found himself thinking about Helen Milner; he had been thinking about her ever since they had
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met for the first time in years during his visit to Dial Cottage on Monday.
In quiet moments since then he had speculated about the possibility that he had found someone he had enough in common with to think they could share a life together, someone outside the family. He had pictured himself introducing Helen to his mother, and knowing that she would approve. It was one of the two things that she wanted most — for Ben to find someone to marry; the other was her confident belief that he would make sergeant, like his father. Only that morning, he had been presented with an opportunity to renew the relationship they had once developed. But he had let the opportunity pass, and he had done it because of the job.
On top of that had come the humiliating fiasco with the compost heap at Thorpe Farm. He could imagine what was being said about him at the station. Within a few hours it
O
would be the subject of gossip for every police officer in E Division, probably the whole county. The mountain he had to climb to be worthy of his father’s memory was getting higher and higher. At this moment, it looked like Mount Everest.
‘You’ve just missed the appeal by the Vernons,’ said Matt.
‘Yeah? What was it like?’
‘Stagey,’ said Kate.
O J ‘
Cooper nodded. He slumped into an armchair and stared at the TV screen without seeing it. His mind was a whirl of anxieties.
O
He wondered how he was going to face going back into work tomorrow. And how he was going to face the visit to the hospital in the afternoon, which he had arranged to take time off for — the visit when his mother would be out of sedation. He didn’t realize that Kate was speaking to him for several seconds.
‘Sorry, what did you say?’
‘Are you all right, Ben?’
‘Yes, I’m fine.’
‘I was asking if you were in for the night now. I’ll make some supper for later, if you are.’
He couldn’t admit that he found the idea of staying in the farmhouse for any length of time unbearable. There was a constant urge to go up the stairs and open the door of his
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mother’s room, knowing she wouldn’t he there. An ur<;e to relive the worst moments of her illness as if it was some penance he had to go through.
‘Er. no. I thought I might go out for a drink. Do you fancy
‘ O O O J J
coming. Matt?’
O’
He didn’t fail to see the quick squeeze that Kate gave to his brother’s arm, which communicated her feelings sufficiently.
‘No, thanks, Ben. I’ll stay in tonight. I’m getting up early in the morning to shoot some of those rabbits in the south field. Maybe tomorrow, eh?’
‘Fine.’
Cooper got in the car and drove automatically towards Edendale. There were a handful of pubs in town which he went to regularly. But on the outskirts of town, when he saw the familiar landscape of stone gables and slate roofs spread out before him in the dusk, he changed his mind. He turned the
‘ O
Toyota into a side road and went over the hill into Moorhay.
The village looked peaceful once more. There were no tourists to be seen on the street, and no noticeable police activity, only a line of green wheelie bins along the roadside. The residents had retreated again behind their doors, some of them clutching their
O ‘ O
individual secrets, he was sure.
He drew up a few yards short of Dial Cottage and sat
r j o
in the car for a while watching the doorway. It might have been the confusing light of the growing dusk, or the stress of his experiences during the day, or just his secret hopes acting on his senses. But he felt as though he could see Helen
o o
Milner emerging from the door of the cottage, just as she
O O O J
had done that morning — a warm, living glow against the
