Show Business is Murder

features and cable movies.}

ROSS: I’m going to take a pass on the interstellar doctor transporting medicine for sick alien kids, Walsh. It’s cute and touching, but not blue sky enough, you know? Hardball, how that was a heart-tugger and we could identify with those kinds of kids, their problems, what have you. See what I mean? (beat; fools with pen) What else?

{Kagen leans back in his chair, a satisfied smile spreading his cracked lips.}

KAGEN:Bring Me the Head of Osama bin Laden.

ROSS: Pardon?

KAGEN: You ever see that flick by Peckinpah?

ROSS: The old dead western guy?

KAGEN: Yeah, but he did other sorts of pictures, too. Though you could argue they all had western sensibilities. Anyway, this one, Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia, was released in 1974.

{Ross says nothing, jiggling the pen in one hand. Kagen leans forward again.}

KAGEN (cont’d): Alfredo Garcia starred Warren Oates-

ROSS (interrupting): He was in that other movie of Peckinpah’s, The Wild Bunch.

KAGEN: Right. Anyway, in this one I’m talking about, it’s set in present day, and Oates is hired by this Mexican crime lord to bring back proof that the scum punk who seduced his daughter is dead.

ROSS: Wasn’t this already re-made with Joe Pesci?

{Kagen swallows a caustic comeback, instead he says:}

KAGEN: Not really. That was Eight Heads in a Duffle Bag, and it was a comedy.

ROSS: Oh. I’m sorry, go ahead.

KAGEN: No sweat. Okay, in Sam’s picture Oates goes through all manner of turmoil to get this Garcia’s head. And his character arc is, each step of the way his psychological state deteriorates faster than the head he’s bringing back.

{Ross says nothing. The pen is held motionless in his hand.}

KAGEN (cont’d): I mean, Oates at one point is talking to this head in this crummy stained canvas sack, flies whizzing all around it, as it sits on the seat next to him in his car.

ROSS: So in your picture, what, your protagonist is riding around in a jeep in the hills of Afghanistan yakking it up with the world’s number-one terrorist’s head next to him in a Trader Joe’s shopping bag?

KAGEN: Not exactly. The idea here is a group of guys, men and women, who have failed at one thing or another, led by a disaffected vet, hunt bin Laden down, who has now fallen out of favor with his other Al Qaeda pals.

{Ross absorbs this.}

KAGEN (cont’d): Remember this guy has been called the “venture capitalist” of terrorism. He’s got an extensive network and has been working out his strategies for a long time. He would have prepared for the contingency of capture.

ROSS: This is pretty, you know, out there, Walsh.

KAGEN: Jesus, Alan, the goddamn Producers is a fuckin’ comedy about Hitler.

ROSS: We’ve had decades of distance, Walsh.

KAGEN: That won’t bring back the millions who died in the camps or on the battlefields.

ROSS: So your point is?

KAGEN (enthused): It’s a great story, it’s got action and suspense, and a certifiable bad guy. See, the subtext is about how this isn’t about Islam versus the world, because of course these terrorists subvert any religion they purport to advance. This is about how an extremist of any stripe is dangerous. Because they feel they can do anything in the name of God.

{Ross puts the pen down, leans forward on his elbows.}

ROSS: Mid-East politics is a very touchy subject, Walsh. The Siege and Rules of Engagement didn’t exactly burn up the box office or make Arab-Americans all that slap happy either. We want heat, but not that kind of heat.

KAGEN: In this version of Bring Me the Head, the hunt for this bastard takes us to Paris, London, and out West.

{Ross taps his desk with his finger.}

ROSS: Here, too?

KAGEN: Yes, of course, this is where the third act will take place. And I see the lead as this semi-burned-out character who at first is hunting bin Laden for the money, the reward, you know. Then in the course of events, his arc is that his patriotism is reawakened. Not the stick-a-flag-on-my-car then put it away halfway into football season, kind, but real, tangible. (beat) Some of what was felt when we didi maued out of ’Nam. Even though by then, the grunts were disillusioned with our government and its policies

{Ross says nothing as Walsh shakes a faraway look from his face.}

KAGEN (cont’d): So here, try this. Our hero is a somewhat cynical, slightly burned-out veteran of Beirut or the Gulf War. This guy came home after doing his duty, wounded, you know, the whole bit. He’s drifted from job to job, but now there’s this opportunity within his grasp.

ROSS: Which is?

KAGEN: The twenty-five million dollar reward for bin Laden is reactivated when the rumors are confirmed that he isn’t dead. Like Stalin and Saddam, I’m going to posit in the picture that bin Laden uses doubles to fool his enemies. One of them is killed and at first everyone thinks the sonabitch is dead.

{Ross scratches the side of his cheek.}

ROSS: But we find out different. How can the hero, ah, what’s his name?

KAGEN: Flagg.

ROSS (nodding head): That’s good. Who are you thinking about for the lead?

KAGEN: Not sure, maybe Cage, or even Snipes, who needs a hit.

ROSS: Yeah, yeah, I can see that.

KAGEN: Like I said, Flagg has been going from job to job, more bitter each time, more withdrawn. He comes to a town in rural Illinois. A friend from the service has sent him a letter, offering some kind of a vague opportunity.

ROSS: But this friend has been tied into some shady stuff, right? Cut-out kind of work for our intelligence agencies.

KAGEN: Exactly. He’s a kind of NRA/soldier of fortune borderline nutzo.

ROSS: Bruce Willis? You know, he’ll work for scale if he likes the project.

KAGEN: I had in mind someone like Ben Affleck, or maybe make him Latino or even an Arab-American. Get Tony Shaloub or that tall good-looking guy from UnderCover, what’s his name? He was in the Mummy movies. This would show we’re not out to beat up the Arab community. Anyway, the friend has these on-the-ground contacts and now has a line on where to get bin Laden.

{Ross holds up a hand.}

ROSS: Look, I get it, all right? I know you can do this, but I need to talk this over with… (makes vague hand gesture) the others.

(smiles)

KAGEN (rueful smile): How well I know.

{Ross rises, signaling an end to the meeting. Kagen gets up, too.}

ROSS: We’ll noodle on it and I’ll get back to you. I like it, enough to maybe talk about it further. But as you’re well aware, it’s going to be tough to do in this market.

KAGEN: Think on it, Alan. Without going out of our way this could be entertaining, but a