The two-track cut through the knee-high dry grass, and the uneven surface of the ranch road rattled everything that wasn’t secured in the cab of the pickup. Instinctively, Sheridan reached up and grasped the loop handle above the door and braced her other hand against the dashboard to steady herself.
“Do we have to listen to that?” Sheridan asked, gesturing to the radio. There was lots of chatter as law enforcement assembled on I-90.
“Yes.”
“We can’t listen to music?”
“No.”
“I’ve got a question,” she said.
“Shoot.”
“Do you think that the day you stop listening to new music is the day you decide you’re on the path to old age? Like you’ve given up on new stuff and you resign yourself to music you’ve already heard? Like you’re through discovering and all you want to do is rummage through your old things?”
Joe jerked the steering wheel to the left to avoid a rabbit in the right track that refused to move. He said, “I don’t know how to answer that.”
Sheridan said, “I think I’m right. That’s why I’m never going to listen to old music. I’m only going to listen to what’s new on the radio.”
“You might change your mind when you get older,” Joe said. “Don’t you think you’ll miss the songs you’re familiar with?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe the new songs will be better.”
“It’s possible. But don’t you find that certain songs remind you of certain things in your life? That when you hear a specific song it takes you back to when you were listening to it?”
“Well, yeah,” she said. “But then I’d be thinking backward and not forward. I’d be on the way to geezerhood.”
“Like me,” Joe said.
“Like you
He smiled in the dark.
“I mean, Mom listens to that old stuff when she’s in the car. People like Simon and Garfunkel, the Police, Loggins and Messina. I’m not saying it’s all bad but it
“Not really,” Joe said.
“Do you still have those CDs I made for you of new music?”
“Somewhere,” Joe confessed. They might be in the console or glove box, he wasn’t sure. Wherever they were, he hadn’t listened to them recently. “Sorry,” he said.
“See, you’re the same way.”
“I guess so.”
She paused, then said what was obviously heavy on her mind. “What if it’s April who’s pulling the trigger?”
“What if she’s so messed up she’s turned into some kind of teenage killer? Think about it. She has a lot to be messed up about. She might be a no-hoper.”
“Sheridan, jeez . . .”
“She used to be pretty mean,” Sheridan said. “When she first came to live with us, I was kind of scared of her, but I never let her know that. It wasn’t until the end that she kind of opened up. Don’t you remember how mean she could be?”
Joe remembered. But they’d chalked it up to her transient childhood and to the presence of her on-again, off- again mother, Jeannie Keeley. April’s hardness was a tactic against getting hurt or betrayed, they’d decided. April tested them early on with outbursts and rudeness, but Marybeth said she was simply probing to see where the boundaries were. Once April found out there were limits and rules in the family, she visibly softened and relaxed. April, Joe thought, was like a horse. She needed to know what was expected of her and where she fit in the herd. Once she knew both she was all right.
Sheridan said, “April scared her teachers, she told me that. Every kid wants to be feared by adults. And the truth is a lot of adults fear us. You can see it in their eyes. It gives us power, you know? We’re like vampires. We feed off adults being scared of us. I could see April being pushed into hurting somebody.”
He said, “Sheridan, let’s not speculate too much until we have some kind of evidence, okay?”
Which didn’t stop her. She said, “What if we find her and she’s so messed up we know she’ll kill again? What do we do then?”
“Stop it,” he said. “We don’t know if she’s done anything wrong in the first place.”
Sheridan nodded, apparently thinking that over. She said, “No matter what, I miss her,” she said. “Toward the end there, I was really starting to like her and I thought it was cool how she looked up to me. She must still feel that way or she never would have started texting me.
“I remember when she lived with us,” Sheridan said, almost dreamily. “I came down the hall to get a drink of water at night and I heard you and Mom talking. I remember you saying you wondered if April was doomed.”
“I don’t remember saying that,” Joe said, although he could vaguely recall similar conversations.
