Nowhere to Run

“On what charge?” Coon said.

Rulon shrugged. “I don’t know. Interfering with the governor, maybe.”

“That’s not a law,” Coon said, a little unsure of himself.

“Sure it is,” Rulon said. “Right, Carson? And if it isn’t a law, it should be. Write that down, Carson. We need a new law next session about gubernatorial interference.”

Carson blanched and looked away.

“Anyway,” Rulon said, slapping the top of the table, “that’s not why we’re here.”

Joe said, “Why are we here?”

Rulon paused and his face reddened. Joe awaited an explosion, but Rulon pointed his finger at Coon and said, “Because the feds are dumping murderous miscreants into my state and not telling me about it.”

“It’s not like that,” Coon said heatedly.

Joe shook his head, confused.

“Got a minute?” Rulon said to him, then answered his own question: “Why, of course you do. Have a seat, both of you.”

“JOE,” GOVERNOR RULON SAID, “I’m not one to believe in government conspiracies, and the longer I’m in the government the more I’m convinced they cannot exist. Do you know why?”

Joe knew that just as before, Rulon wasn’t really asking him, so he said nothing.

Said Rulon, “It’s because government, by nature, is damned sloppy and incompetent. And the bigger it gets, the worse it becomes in those subject areas. There’s just too many people involved with too many agendas for a secret—any secret—to be kept very long. Someone always leaks, or gets drunk and brags, or tries to impress someone else by telling what they know. That’s why I don’t do secrets. Not because I wouldn’t like to, right, Carson?”

Carson didn’t answer, either.

Rulon continued, “It’s because secrets can’t be kept. I’m not being noble. Secrets just won’t work in government, and they shouldn’t. And when you get to the federal level,” again, he pointed at Coon, “it gets even harder. There are hundreds of thousands of employees with hundreds of thousands of partisan and personal agendas. The only conspiracy that exists is the conspiracy of incompetence.”

Rulon paused, pleased with his phrasing. He said, “Conspiracy of incompetence—I like that. Write that down, Carson. I can use it in a speech.”

This time, Carson dutifully wrote it down on a yellow legal pad, obviously grateful for something to do.

“So,” Rulon said, “conspiracies don’t exist in government for long. But a couple of things are timeless, especially in Washington: greed and corruption. Especially with the very long-term political class. And by that, I mean certain senators and congressmen of both political parties, the ones who’ve been there so long they’ve forgotten what it’s like back here in the real world. It gets to the point where it’s all about them. These are the power brokers, the old lions who traffic in influence, favors, and pork. The ones surrounded by staff and sycophants telling them day after day how great and powerful and eloquent and statesmanlike they are.”

Joe sat down, but Nate remained standing. Joe looked out the window at the runway. Beyond the governor’s plane several tumbleweeds rolled across the pavement. In between the two runways, pronghorn antelope grazed.

“Am I boring you, Joe?” Rulon asked suddenly.

Joe looked up. “With all due respect, governor, I was hoping you would get to the point.”

Rulon froze, his face turning crimson. Instead of yelling or firing Joe on the spot, a slow grin formed. He held his hands out, palms up.

“Why can’t I be surrounded by sycophants who tell me how great I am?” Rulon said. “Instead, I get guys like you, Joe.”

Joe shrugged. “Sorry, sir.”

“Maybe I should run for Senate. Carson, write that down.”

“Please, sir,” Carson said, his voice begging.

“Okay,” Rulon said, winking at Joe, “I’ll cut to the chase. Have you ever heard of Senator Carl McKinty of Michigan? Thirty-year senator, he is. Democrat, of course—he’s from Michigan—but that hardly matters since I am, too, and we couldn’t be farther apart on just about everything. He’s chairman of the Natural Resources Committee. That’s where I’ve tangled with him. He’s on the Homeland Security Committee as well.”

Joe said, “I’ve heard his name.”

“Have you heard of a woman named Caryl Cline?”

Joe rubbed his jaw. “The name is familiar, but I’m not sure why.”

“Five years ago,” Rulon said, “she was all over television. She was a self-proclaimed activist for private property rights. She got that way because her Senator McKinty worked a sweetheart deal in the Upper Peninsula in Michigan for a huge tract of land she owned. He convinced the local government to condemn the land her family had owned for a hundred and fifty years in order to give it to a hotshot developer. The local government did it because the developer promised a higher tax base than from the little meat-processing company run by the family. And it was perfectly legal, because our brilliant Supreme Court in the Kelo versus City of New London decision said it was just fine for governments to do that.”

“Hold it,” Joe said. “Didn’t most of the states pass laws prohibiting local governments from doing that?”

Coon said, “Yes. But up until 2005 there were no laws to stop it in Michigan. So when it happened, it was okay all around. At the time in Michigan—and we’re seeing it more and more all over the country—the only way to stop it was civil disobedience with the hope that the local or state government would be ashamed and give up.”