Farlander

to stretch further.

'My mother is like that, too, in a way,' he said after a time. 'Something in her past still shapes her now.'

'Her parents?'

'No. My father.'

Serese said something in return, but he didn't hear it. His steps faltering, he came to a stop.

Straight ahead of them something was spinning quickly to the ground. As it landed, he squinted down at it.

A cicado seed, its fresh greenness contrasting with the dull greyness of the cobbles. Around it, all across the street, fallen leaves lay trodden and torn, and amongst them were similar winged seeds, though smaller than he was used to, not as large as they should be. Nico looked up, his eye travelling past floor after floor of the building they were walking alongside. Over the edge of its lofty roof hung the branches of a tree.

Serese followed his gaze. 'A roof garden,' she explained. 'The wealthy like to keep them.' Her lips pursed briefly. 'Come on,' she said as she ducked into an alley running to one side of the same building.

With Nico following her, Serese stopped beneath a ladder fixed to the brickwork over their heads: a fire escape running beside a window on each floor all the way to the top. He realized what she was thinking.

He felt distinctly light-headed as he gave her a boost up on to his shoulders; himself grinning, wobbling under her weight, as she flexed her knees and made a leap and a grab for the lowest rung of the wooden ladder. She hauled herself suddenly upwards, and Nico admired her lithe figure as she tugged on the latch securing it.

The sliding ladder clattered down, with her aboard, and came to a stop right beside him.

'What are you gaping at?' she breathed.

*

It was a small roof garden, though beautifully arranged. A careful hand had allowed it to grow naturally, without appearing overly wild. Around its edges stood undersized trees in clay pots, and bushy shrubs in troughs of soil covered in wood chippings; wild grass grew over most of the space between, dotted with blue and yellow flowers. At the very centre were a small fountain and water course constructed from smooth but irregular stones to give the appearance of a miniature mountain stream.

The artful combinations of growth screened off the surrounding buildings, giving Nico and Serese the impression of standing anywhere but in the midst of the largest city in the world. A shack with a doorway stood at the rear of the flat roof, obviously leading to some internal stairs. It was locked, when Serese tried it, which was only to her satisfaction. Together they sat on a bench beside the flowing water, both appreciating the secret garden in silence. From here the constant buzz of the city could only dimly be heard.

Serese lit another hazii stick, blew smoke into the fading light.

'You did well,' she said 'Last night, I mean.'

It was the one subject neither had yet mentioned.

'You think so? I was so gripped by fear I was numb with it.'

'So? You were hardly the only one. But you did what you had to do. You showed courage.'

Nico looked long and hard at the girl by his side eyeing her properly, without shyness or agenda. At once he noticed something else behind the mask of spark and beauty. Serese was on edge, and badly in need of company.

She took another deep puff of the stick, then passed it to him.

'Courage?' Nico repeated, as though trying out the word for the first time. For an instant the face of the one he had slain rose before him; the man's determined glare even as Nico stabbed him, changing first to wonder and then, by degrees, to a terrible awareness of everything lost to him. 'No, it wasn't courage that prompted me to stick my blade into that man's belly last night. It was fear. I didn't want to die there. I didn't want him to kill me. So I killed him first.'

He felt surprised at how he could speak so plainly about his deepest feelings. He wondered if something had changed in him, if he had grown a little older since last night. Perhaps it was simply the liberating effects of the hazii smoke.

'It's funny,' he said, still thinking out aloud. 'Since leaving Khos, I've come to realize a few things. My father for instance. He was the bravest man that I knew, though at the time I hardly understood it. I think, deep down, I always feared that he was a coward after all – for running away from everything like he did. I had such notions, when I was younger, of bravery, courage under fire and all that. The stuff of stories, of course. But now I've caught a glimpse of what my father must have gone through every day there under the walls. I wonder now how he was able to live that way for so long, to rise each morning knowing what faced him. I can see now why he chose a different life, away from it all, wherever that may be. I only wish I possessed half his strength.'

Nico looked again at the hazii stick in his hand: all but forgotten, it had gone out. He passed it back to her, his head swimming. 'Courage isn't something I know much about, Serese – not when it comes down to it. Whenever there's trouble, mostly all I feel is frightened.'

Serese relit the roll-up, sat with a fist supporting her chin.

'I understand,' she said quietly, exhaling. 'Last night was my first time, too. I don't think I'm taking it very well either.'

Her eyes seemed suddenly wary. A passing shadow drew their attention to the sky. They both looked up in time to catch sight of a passing flyer, its black bat-like wing carrying it upwards on the thermals above the city. Serese shivered.

'Are you all right?'

'Yes,' she assured him, though her voice betrayed her.

Take her mind off these things, his mind suggested.

'Tell me something about yourself, Serese.'

'What would you like to know?'

'I'm not sure. Your mother – tell me of her.'

It was a mistake, that question. He saw it instantly in her eyes.

All the same, she tried to answer him. 'My mother passed away some years ago. That's how I met my father; it was only after she fell ill. He came to us in Minos, and when she had gone he took me back to Cheem. I stayed there until I was sixteen, up in the mountains among all those men training to kill.'

'You never thought of following in your father's footsteps?'

'Me a Rshun? No, I would hate such a life.'

'How did you come here then?'

She smiled, though it was a twisted smile without humour. 'I went a little crazy with the boredom of it all. Twice I tried to run away. Once, I fell in love and caused a great commotion. Then old Osh suggested I move to Q'os. The agent here had begun to lose her health, and needed someone to help her. I snatched up the chance. Mistress Sar passed away ealier this year, from the coughing sickness. I agreed to stay on here until they could find someone else to replace her.'

Serese looked at the roll-up in her fingers, lifeless once more. She cast it away from her. 'And you, my inquisitor, how did you end up here, mixed up in all of this?'

'Lately, I've been wondering that myself.'

'You sound as though you regret it.'

Nico stood up and wandered over to the running fountain, feigning to study its miniature relief close up. In truth, he saw nothing.

'I didn't mean to pry,' she said to his back, reading something in his posture. 'I've just smoked too much weed.' She hesitated, seeking a better explanation. 'You have a way about you, Nico. It draws out words.'

The fountain really did look like a miniature mountain pool. Nico almost expected to see miniature trout swimming around beneath its surface. 'You're right, though, I do have regrets. Since last night I've been wishing I'd never left Bar-Khos. I know now that this,' and he looked about him, without focus, 'this is hardly any way to live. As a killer in the making. You know, I'd almost forgotten what I was learning to be, back at the monastery. I was so occupied with doing well. Today though, it stares me right in the face.'

Serese joined him, by his side. He could see her reflection in the water.

Nico wiped a hand across his face, exhaled into his palm. 'Perhaps I'll be fine once we leave this city,' he said, looking at her, forcing lightness into his tone. 'Tell me. Will you stay here in Q'os, after this is done?'

'No,' she responded. 'I'll have to move on, for my own safety.'