“Brother?”
“Yeah. Raney’s my brother. Half-brother, really, but I don’t like that way of saying it.”
He was silent. I wanted him to leave.
“If I helped you, my brother would be killed, and that would be like killing me. He’s like my twin, even if we don’t have the same dad.”
This bit of genealogy was hard to absorb in my condition, but I remembered thinking they looked like brothers the first time I met them, in the shelter. As if remembering that same moment, he said, “Where’s the journal, Irene? Tell me. I’m being really nice to you.”
I didn’t say anything.
“Tell me,” he said softly, leaning close to my ear.
I turned my face from him. He laughed as softly as he had spoken, and left.
From beyond the door, I heard them talking.
“Man, you should have let her freeze. Teach her a lesson.”
“She’ll still be cold.”
“Yeah. Pretty soon she’ll be really cold.” They laughed together.
Raney sobered first. “I gotta pick him up tomorrow. I don’t want you trying to get into her pants while I’m gone.”
“He’s going to have her. Why should he get to have her and I don’t?”
“Think about what he did to the old lady. Think about that witch.”
Devon was silent for a moment, then asked, “Why are they following him?”
“He says they’re following everybody who made out on the old lady’s will.”
“Even the cop?”
“I guess so.” Raney laughed. “Can you believe it? We’re beating the shit out of a cop’s squeeze.”
“She’s gonna be a mess when he finds her. You can bet on that.”
Their amusement over this lasted some time.
I COULD NOT MAKE much out of what they had said at the time. I lay there trying to fold the throbbing of the latest blows into the back of my awareness. I felt along the mattress edge until I found the shard and pulled it out. I tore a piece of fabric off the bottom of the mattress, using some of the batting and the strip of worn cloth to wrap the wide end of the glass. I touched its sharp point, relieved it had not broken when Raney had moved the mattress about. Possession of a diamond necklace could not have pleased me more. Carefully, I returned it to its hiding place. I thought of Sammy and Mrs. Fremont. I thought of Frank. I admonished myself silently again and again, until I could hear the words beyond the border of my sleep: You will be able to do whatever you need to do to survive. You will live.
26
I AWOKE WHEN I HEARD Raney go outside the next day. Soon I heard the Blazer pulling out of the drive. I rubbed my skin wherever I could stand it, trying to warm up. I sat up and moved my arms. I was still sore here and there from my fistfight with Raney, but I wasn’t really any worse off than I had been before. I checked the bottom of my left foot, and found it was not as tender as I was afraid it might be. I knew I would be able to put my weight on it when I had to. Would I be able to do whatever else I had to do? Yes, I told myself.
With Raney gone, I had no doubt that Devon would take his chances with me. I heard him pacing around nervously and felt my own tension rising. The sooner he came in, the better. I wanted it over with. Before long, either I would escape the cabin, or I would have cheated them of doing me further injury.
But his fear of the Goat was stronger than I thought. Devon paced and paced, as if he were as caged as I. Just as I was beginning to lose hope of a chance to try my plan, I heard the bolt slide.
Somehow, as he stood there, looking at me, my courage fled. He was much more physically powerful than I; even if I had not been beaten, even if I had more sleep and more to eat, he would still have been able to overpower me. A smile crossed his face.
“You’re afraid of me, aren’t you?”
I didn’t answer, but drew deep breaths, trying to calm myself. This is your chance, I thought.
He closed the door behind him. I pulled the blanket up.
He grinned. “Yeah, I can see you are.” He moved closer, and I felt myself tense. Survive.
He stood over me and stared at me. “Were you cold last night?”
I found some part of myself rebelling against my plan. My plan was to kill him, as surely as their plan was to do the same to me. But I was not practiced in it, and they were. Devon had kept me from Raney’s excesses. Devon had held me and helped me rinse my mouth when I was sick. Devon had brought me a blanket so that I wouldn’t be so cold.
Stop it! I told myself. Devon brought you here, kicked you, held you so that you could be beaten, whipped you with a hose, took part in the murders of two people and will make yours the third. Survive.
He was watching my emotions play on my face, though I had tried to hide them. He seemed wary for a moment, then grinned again.
Suddenly he reached down and pulled the blanket from me, tossing it aside. I shivered, not entirely from the cold. He dropped down on the mattress, straddling me. To my dismay, he grabbed both of my wrists, pinning them near my shoulders. Keep your head! I told myself.
He leaned down and kissed me. My lips hurt as it was, but my revulsion was stronger than my pain. I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat.
“I’m going to have you, Irene. I know you don’t think you’ll like it, but you will. It’s going to be great. You’ll
