“Might as well leave me on the floor,” I told him. “I’m lying on a board either way.”
“Pffft,” Sanya said, his dark, handsome face lighting up with a white grin. “I do not care to clean the floor after you leave. Someone else can do the sheets.”
“Says you,” I said. “You smell like burning hair.”
“Some of it was on fire,” he said cheerfully. His eyes, though, were less jovial. He put a hand on my chest and said, “You are badly hurt.”
“Yeah.”
“You want a drink?” he asked. One hand hovered near his jacket’s breast pocket, where I knew he kept his flask.
“Pass. Maybe I’ll just cope instead.”
He made another disgusted noise and produced said flask, took a swig from it, and winked at me. “I was never clear on the difference.
Molly appeared in the doorway, and Sanya looked at her.
“He’s on the way,” Molly said. Her voice was strained. Her day hadn’t been as bad as mine, but she still looked shaken.
Sanya offered Molly a pull from the flask. She shook her head. “Very good,” the big Russian said. “I will talk to Forthill, tell him what is happening.”
“Sanya,” Molly said, putting a hand on his arm. “Thank you.”
He gave her a wide grin. “Perhaps it was just a coincidence I arrived when I did.”
Molly rolled her eyes and gave him a faint shove toward the door. It didn’t move the big man, but he went, and Molly flicked on a little lamp and shut the door behind him. She walked over to me and took a couple of KFC wet wipes from her bag. She knelt down next to the cot, opened them, and started cleaning my face.
I closed my eyes and said nothing.
My little girl was going to die.
My little girl was going to
And there was nothing I could do about it.
Oh, I’d been defeated before. People had even died because I failed. But those people had never been my own flesh and blood. They hadn’t been my child. I’d lost. I was beaten.
This was all over.
If I’d been faster. If I’d been smarter. If I’d been strong enough of mind to make the hard choices, to focus on saving Maggie first and everyone else second . . .
But I hadn’t been. I’d been insufficient to the challenge, and she was going to die because of it.
I broke, right there. I just broke. The task given to me had been more than I could bear. And what followed would be nothing but torturous regret. I’d failed my own child.
My chest convulsed, I made a sound, and my eyes filled until I couldn’t see.
Molly sat beside me, patiently cleaning my face and neck with her wipes. I must have had soot on my face. When I could see again, there were large patches of grey and black on the wipes and my face felt cold and tingled slightly.
“I’ve got to help her,” I said quietly.
“Harry, don’t . . . don’t twist the knife in your own wound,” Molly replied. “Right now you need to stay calm and quiet, until Butters can look at you.”
“I wish you hadn’t gotten him involved,” I said.
“I didn’t even ask him,” she said. “I got halfway through the first sentence and he asked where you were. Then said he’d come see you.”
I shook my head. “No, I mean . . .” I drew a deep breath. “Kid. I’ve got to cross a line.”
Molly froze, one hand still extended.
“I’m not getting up off this bed alone,” I said quietly. “It’s my only option.”
You run in the circles I do, you get more than a few offers of power. It always comes with a price, usually a hidden one, but you get the offers. I’d had more than a few chances to advance myself, provided I was willing to set aside anything like integrity to do so. I hadn’t been.
Not until today.
“Who?” Molly asked simply.
My mouth twitched at one corner. “One is a lot like another,” I said.
She shook her head. “But . . . but if you go over to one of them . . .”
“They’ll make me into a monster,” I said quietly. “Sooner or later.”
She wouldn’t look at me.
“I can’t let that happen,” I said. “For all I know, I could turn into something that would hurt Maggie myself. But maybe I can use them to get her out of danger.”
She inhaled sharply and looked up at me.
“It’s got to be Mab,” I said. “She’s wicked smart, but she isn’t omniscient or infallible. I’ve swindled faeries before. I can do it again.”
She inhaled sharply. “You’re going to be the Winter Knight?” She shook her head. “What if she doesn’t? I mean, what if she won’t?”
I let out a low chuckle. “Oh, she’ll do it. If I go to her, she’ll do it. She’s been after me long enough.”
“I don’t understand,” Molly said. “She’ll . . . she’ll twist you. Change you. It’s what they do.”
I fumbled and put one of my hands on hers. “Molls . . . Whatever happens . . . I’m not going to make it out of this one.”
She stared at me for a minute. Then she shook her head. She shook her head and silent tears fell from her eyes.
“Molly,” I said again, patting her hand. “Kid . . . For everything there is a season.”
“Don’t,” she said. “Don’t you dare quote the Bible at me. Not to justify this.”
“Bible?” I said. “I was quoting the Byrds.”
She burst out in a huffing sound that was both a laugh and sob.
“Look, Molls. Nothing lasts forever. Nothing. And if I’ve got to choose between myself and my daughter? That’s not even a choice. You know that.”
She bowed her head and wept harder. But I saw her nod. Just a little.
“I need your help,” I said.
She looked up at me, bloodshot eyes a mess.
“I’m going to arrange things. But Mab’s going to be wary of me. She knows my history, and if I know what’s going on, she’ll be able to tell I’m lying to her. I don’t have enough of a poker face for that.”
“No,” Molly said, sniffing and briskly swiping at her eyes. “You don’t. You still suck at lying, boss.”
“To the people who know me, maybe,” I said, smiling. “Do you understand what I’m asking you to do?”
She bit her lip and said, “Do you? Have you thought what it’s going to mean for me once . . . once you’re . . .”
“Dead,” I said quietly. “I think Ebenezar or Injun Joe will take over for me, continue your training. They both know how strongly I felt about sheltering you from the Council’s judgment.”
She looked suddenly exhausted. She shook her head slightly. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Oh,” I said.
Molly had crushed on me since she was a teenager. I hadn’t really thought anything of it. I mean, it had been going on for years and . . .
. . . and crushes probably didn’t last for years. Did they? They faded. Molly’s feelings hadn’t, but I didn’t reciprocate them. I loved her to pieces, but I was never going to be in love with her.
Especially not if I was dead, I guess.
If our positions had been reversed, that might have been kind of hard for me to accept, too.
I patted her hand again awkwardly and said, “I’m sorry. That I wasn’t here longer. That it couldn’t be more than it was.”
“You never did anything wrong by me, Harry,” she said. She lifted her chin and met my eyes again. “This isn’t about me, though, is it? It’s about Maggie.” She nodded, and I saw steel enter her spine. “So of course I’ll help
