I could tell that she was sincere, and accepted her explanation before offering her the rest of her soda and a few more crackers. She eagerly accepted them, and daintily ate the crackers and washing them down with the rest of the soda. When she was done, she let me take the can and set it aside before taking her in my arms again. She settled against my chest and told me 'What you were doing – you know, with your mouth – wasn't any different than what the others did' – she seemed embarrassed at telling me that she'd been on the receiving end of a girl's attention, and I quietly told her 'Its okay, dear' – before she went on 'but knowing that it was you doing it, that made it different, somehow. More exciting; like I knew that you were doing it because you love me.'
I kissed the top of her head and answered 'I do love you, Claire. That's why I wanted to do my best for you.'
'I know that. I mean, knowing that you love me is what made it so special. Being with Jan and Kelly and the others, that's one thing. We're all girls, so we already pretty much know what another girl likes. But when I'm with you, its different. I know that you love me for what's on the inside, in my heart. You're not like some of the guys at school; I heard one of them say that he wanted to 'jump the cute little Chink piece', and I knew he was talking about me – and it made me so mad and ashamed, at the same time. But you – you really don't care what I look like; you just love me, and all that matters to you is that I love you back. You're so much more… I don't know, patient and understanding I guess, than any other guy I know. I mean, here I am, sitting on your lap with both of us stark naked, and all you're doing is holding me, because you know that that's all I want and need right now. Any other guy I know, he'd be groping me and everything. You aren't, and that's what makes having you love me so special – because you love me enough not to do that kind of stuff.'
'Before you start thinking I'm some kind of superhero' – 'You are – Orgasm Man!' she interrupted with a giggle – 'you need to know that I wasn't always like this, either. When I was your age, I wasn't much different than the boys you know at school. I'm sure I must have said some of the kinds of hurtful things that you've heard; and I know that I did pretty much all of the bad things that girls don't like. But I really grew up when I joined the Navy and started doing an important job, and had to do it right, every time. Then I got to visit other countries, too, and I tried to learn about them – the people, the culture, and all of that. It was when I started really thinking about that kind of stuff that I actually started learning what all of us have been trying to teach you and the others.'
I went on to say 'What I'm telling you is that being the way I am – and you are, now – is something that people have to learn. Not everyone wants to; in fact a lot of people seem to spend their time trying to not learn. There are a few that want to learn, but aren't sure what it is they're after. Even fewer manage to figure out what they want, and start moving toward it. Finally, there are the very, very few that actually find what they're after. I like to think that I'm one of them – that I'm somebody that has figured out how to be happy virtually all the time. For other people, how they do it is different, but they get the results they're after.'
'What kind of people are they?'
'Mostly, they're people that have devoted themselves to a particular religion or philosophy. You know, those monks they show in the Swiss Alps, or Zen masters, or some of the Buddhist monks and priests. The thing is, it looked to me like most of them have found their peace by withdrawing from the world for the most part. What I was trying to do was find a way of being happy and staying 'out here' with regular people. With a lot of thinking and studying and a little luck, I found something that worked for me. Then, when I met Jan and Kelly and the others, I got the chance to try and pass along what I'd discovered. Now they're doing what I do: watching for people that want to learn, but aren't sure where to start or what it is they're looking for. Then we try to show those people what we've learned, and let them decide for themselves if its something they think will work for them. We're not some kind of cult – we don't try to 'brainwash' people by chanting mantras at them until they give in; we don't try to convince somebody by lying to them or making them believe the things we say; and we never, ever try to force someone to think the way we do. We just tell them how we think and believe, and then let them see how happy we are – and then decide if what we do and how we live is what they want to be like, and live.'
She looked up at me to say 'That was something that all of us noticed – me, Sheri and Crissy, Evelyn, and even Bonita: that you never pushed us to be or do any particular thing. You just told us what you thought, and said we should check, and decide for ourselves. It was really weird, at first.' Then she grinned and said 'After about the second or third time we came over here, I heard my Dad talking to my Mom. He said that he'd checked you out – not with any kind of investigator, or anything, just talking to people – and told her that he'd read about you in the papers, and talked to some people. He said that he didn't think he could be the kind of man you are: that everybody he talked to said that you were absolutely honest and and fair and ethical and all that; and that there wasn't anybody that didn't respect your character. He also told her that everyone had also told him how smart you are, too – and he said that anyone that could make as good a living as you obviously do couldn't be stupid, and that there was too much evidence that you weren't crooked. He told her that if there was anybody he was going to trust around me, it was you – that he thought if all the devils of hell came for me, you would stand between me and them, and dare them to try and take me. And if they tried it, they would know they'd been in a fight! He said that he talked to Jan's dad, and found out that you had fought to protect Susan when an old boyfriend wanted to take her and she didn't want to go – and after you'd beaten them, you'd gone over to comfort her. He told her you had the best of the spirit of a dragon and a tiger, in a human body – and that's a big compliment in Chinese culture; especially from my Dad. That was when I decided that I really needed to start listening to what you were telling us.'
That Claire's father had taken the time to learn something about me didn't bother me in the slightest; in fact, it just confirmed for me that he was serious and sincere about protecting his daughter – something I could understand, having one of my own. I was a little flattered, though, to learn that he had such a high opinion of me; he'd struck me as the kind of man that didn't grant many people his trust and confidence.
She went on to tell me 'When he came over here that time, it pleased him when you spoke Chinese to him, and he was impressed when you were honest enough to admit that you didn't speak much of it. Then when it turned out that you'd been to Taiwan, and thought almost the same things he did about places both of you knew – well, that was when he decided he liked you.' She giggled and added 'There aren't many Caucasians that my Dad really likes – he's Chinese, and you're not, and that's about as far as he goes.'
She tucked her head back into my shoulder, happy and comfortable to have me holding her like that.
After a while, she asked 'Dan?'
'Yes, dear?'
'Would you do something for me?'
'No, I'm not taking you out so you can get a tattoo on your butt. I like your butt just the way it is now', I teased.
She laughed and said 'No, I like my butt this way, too – 'specially when its on your lap like this. I want to ask you to do something else for me.'
'So ask.'
'Its something I think I need to explain first, though. Will you listen to me, and not get upset?'
Curious to know what could be on her mind, I assured her 'Of course I won't get upset. What is it?'
'There's something I've heard about, and I think I want to try it. The way I've heard people talk about it, though, I'm a little confused. Other people talk like itss a bad thing – except that I think it sounds… well, sexy. I want to try it, but I'm not sure what you would think about it.'
'Okay, you've told me that itss something that I need to pay attention to. Because itss something you want to do, I'm going to pay even more attention that I would, anyway. You said other people say itss bad, but that you don't think it is – but you're still confused. When you ask me, I know there's a chance that I'm going to be surprised, so I promise you that I will be very careful and think about it before I say anything to you. Okay?'
Several seconds went by before she took a deep breath and asked me 'Would you… would you make love to me… in my butt?'
Yup, I was surprised, all right. Damn near shocked, even. But as I'd promised, I was careful, and thought about it before I asked 'Why do you want me to do that?'
I could feel her relax in my arms when I didn't respond the way she'd obviously been afraid I would. 'Like I said, when I heard about making love that way, I thought it actually sounded pretty sexy, and even fun. But then I heard other people talking about it like it was a bad thing, and I wasn't sure what to think about it, then. Except that every time I thought about it actually happening, I thought it was sexy again. I can't make love with you the other way, which is okay, I guess. But if you'll make love to me that way, then I'll still be a virgin. I can show you how much I love you, and we can make love, and it won't make me lose my virginity. Really, Dan – I want to do it.
