to do, and with who. I figure the 'how' is that we have the time and place and everything to take it slow and easy, to make it right for you. Seems to me that there are just a couple of things still up in the air: how do we keep you from getting pregnant, and what happens after?' 'The 'after' part isn't hard; once we start, I don't think either of us is going to want it to be just the one time -' at least I don't!' she told me before continuing 'It's the not me ending up pregnant part that I've been having trouble with.' 'You've checked into the different kinds of birth control?' I asked. She nodded before answering 'Yeah, I have. The most reliable things are birth controls pills, what they call an Intra-Uterine Device, a diaphragm, and condoms with any one of several different kinds of foam or gel that I'd have to put inside me. But each of them seems to have a different kind of problem, which is why I haven't been able to decide. The way it looks to me is that to use the foam or gel things, I'd already have to have lost my hymen; the same thing is true for a diaphragm. I don't like the idea of birth control pills because I'm still growing, and I don't know what they'd do to me. The IUD thing sounds good, but I don't know if they could get it into me while I'm still a virgin, though.' I considered it for a bit, and finally told her 'Yeah, I see your point about all of them but the IUD. Have you talked to Mom or Dad about any of it?' To my surprise, she blushed slightly before saying 'No, I haven't. I really don't want to talk to Mom about it, and I don't think I could talk to Dad -' I'd just be too embarrassed.' I could understand what she was saying, after a fashion: while I'd be reluctant about going to Dad to ask for condoms, I just couldn't see asking Mom to get them for me. Intellectually, I knew that I'd get the same response from either one of them; but there are some things that a kid just can't talk about to the opposite sex parent. The two of us sat there looking at each other for some time, trying to figure out something we could do that wouldn't involve one or both of Mom and Dad. Eventually, I had to admit 'Sis, I don't see any way of making sure we don't make you pregnant without getting Mom or Dad involved. I mean, even the stuff that doesn't involve a doctor is something we'd have to buy -' and I just can't figure a store clerk selling birth control stuff to a couple of 14-year- olds. And that means that no matter what we use, Mom and Dad are going to know about it. I think the best thing is to just face up to that fact and go with that IUD thing you mentioned. If they can't put one in you while you're still a virgin, then the only thing I can think of is to just come right out and ask Mom or Dad if they have any ideas.' Sis made a face before admitting 'I think you're probably right. But this is something I really hoped I wouldn't have to talk to Mom about; at least, not before it happened.' I took her hand in mine and told her 'If you want, I'll be with you -' whether you want me there for the whole thing, or just part of it. Or, if you want, I'll go talk to Dad while you're talking to Mom.' I didn't have much enthusiasm about either of those choices, but I'd willingly do them if it convinced Sis to get the help she needed with her questions. Looking at me appreciatively, she answered 'No, you don't have to do any of that, Danny. I know you would if I wanted you to, but it isn't necessary. Yeah, I'll be a little embarrassed to ask Mom about birth control -' but you're right: I've got questions, and she has answers.'
Sympathetically, I told her 'You probably remember that she told us that they wanted us to come to them for help on this, so maybe it won't be so bad.' That seemed to help her a little, because she was a little more chipper when she answered 'Yeah, that's true. Maybe you're right -' After a little more discussion, Sis let me know approximately when she'd talk to Mom, and said that she'd let me know what happened. Afterwards, the two of us just sat and held hands in mutual support.
I was considerably relieved when Sis came into my room late one afternoon; I quickly put aside the book I'd been reading in favor of guiding her onto my lap so she could tell me how things had gone -' the expression on her face didn't give me the faintest clue. Once she was seated, I put my arms around her waist and asked 'You talked to Mom?'
'Yeah, I did.' 'So how did it go?' Still looking somewhat stunned, Sis told me 'Uh, it went fine.' Getting mildly exasperated, I commanded 'So tell me already!' Giving herself a little shake, she told me 'I went to her right after she and Dad got home from work, and said I needed to ask her some stuff. I guess she figured out it was important, because she took me into Dads office and closed the door behind us. After we both sat down, she asked me what was going on, and I told her that I was thinking that I should maybe start using some kind of birth control. She asked me if I was thinking of anything in particular, and I told her what I said to you about pills and IUDs, and why I thought maybe I'd like the IUD. Then I asked her if she knew if I could get one while I still have my hymen. She said she didn't know, but could find out -' and called her doctor, right then. She couldn't come to the phone right away, but said she'd call Mom back in just a few minutes. While we were waiting, Mom asked me if I was really thinking about not being a virgin any more. I told her I was thinking about it, but that I wasn't going to actually do anything about it yet.
Then she asked if I had anybody in mind, and I said that I did; but she didn't ask me who, like I was afraid she would.' Taking a breath, Sis went on 'She told me that she hoped I would be careful to make sure that I was ready, that I should make sure I had the right time and place and guy, and said that she loved me. She started to say something else, but that was when the phone rang; it was her doctor calling back. Mom said she had a couple of quick questions, and asked her doctor if an IUD could be put into a girl that still had her hymen, and then if it was safe for a girl that was still growing to take birth control pills. It took a few minutes for the doctor to answer, and when she was done, Mom thanked her for calling back so quickly, and for the help. After she hung up the phone, she told me that the doctor had said that a girl that was still a virgin might be able to get an IUD. She said the doctor told her that most girls still have a little bit of an opening in their hymen, and that if the opening was large enough, it was possible to get the medical stuff inside far enough to put in the IUD -' but that it was necessary for the doctor to see the girl first.' 'Then she said that the doctor had told her that birth control pills had been around long enough, and there were enough different kinds, that it was a pretty safe bet that at least one of them would be okay for a girl that was still in puberty. It might take trying a two or three different kinds, but that nothing would happen to cause the girl to stop growing the way she should; the only effect the 'wrong' pill would have would be to make her uncomfortable', she added. Finally, she told me 'After that, Mom just talked to me a little bit -' telling me again that she loved me, and so did Dad, and that they'd still love me whether I was a virgin or not; that I was their daughter, and that all that mattered to them was that I was happy and healthy. She asked me if I'd talked to the guy yet, and I said that I had, and that it had been MY idea to give myself to him. She asked if I was sure about that, and I told her I was; that when I'd told the guy, he'd said that I should make sure first, too.
Neither one of us ever used any names, but I kinda think that she knew that I was talking about you. Anyway, she asked me if I needed some time to think about it, and I told her that I already had, a lot. She asked if I wanted her to make an appointment for me with her doctor, and after I thought about it a little, I told her yes. When she asked if I had any time in mind, I told her that anything would be fine. She seemed to like that, and said that she'd make the appointment for me the next time she went, in a couple of weeks; I said that was okay, and thanked her. She said she was glad I was being careful and thinking about it, and told me she loved me again, and that was the end of it.' 'It sound like it worked out okay, then' I said Sis nodded her head and told me 'It did. I was kind of nervous and embarrassed at first, but Mom didn't say or do anything except help me find out what I wanted to know, and let me know that if I was really sure I was ready, then it was okay. I don't think she's really happy about it, but I don't think she's mad or disappointed, either. I expect she's going to talk to Dad about it, but I don't figure he would actually say anything.' While not real comfortable about the idea that Mom and Dad might know that I was the one Sis wanted to give her virginity to, it didn't really bother me that much, either: there wasn't a doubt in my mind that both of them loved both of us, and that as long as we were being careful and thoughtful about what we were doing, they were willing to let us be as independent and mature up as we were capable of handling. It wasn't until later in life that I realized that what Sis and I were going through then was the acid test of everything Mom and Dad had done when they were raising us: encouraging us to come to them when we needed advice, helping us find the answers to the questions we had, and doing everything they could to teach us to be thoughtful and responsible -' and then holding us accountable for our actions, regardless. Sis had decided she was ready to lose her virginity; she thought things through, and asked for help and advice when she needed it. That I was the one she'd decided to partner with didn't matter, except that both of us were being careful, and that we loved each other as much as we did. That we were still shy of 15 years old was irrelevant: we were demonstrating that we were being mature and prudent about it, and that was what really mattered. Sis leaned forward to lay her head on my shoulder, and I put my arms around her, giving her a hug before I told her 'I love you, Sis. And just so you know, I'm not in any hurry to make love with you; not until you're really sure, and really ready. Even if it never happens, that's okay with me, because I love you and want you to be happy.' After hugging me back, she said 'I know you love me, Danny, and I love you the same way. But I am sure that I want to share myself with you like that. I know there's no hurry, but I do want it to happen, and with you.' There wasn't anything for me to say to
