about it. I can’t stop you from making a fool of yourself with every woman you meet, and having people talk from one end of the country to the other. Why, for a woman to be seen with you is enough to fix her reputation forever. Right now all Broadway knows you’re running after Berenice Fleming. Her name will soon be as sweet as those of the others you’ve had. She might as well give herself to you. If she ever had a decent reputation it’s gone by now, you can depend upon that.”
These remarks irritated Cowperwood greatly—enraged him—particularly her references to Berenice. What were you to do with such a woman? he thought. Her tongue was becoming unbearable; her speech in its persistence and force was that of a termagant. Surely, surely, he had made a great mistake in marrying her. At the same time the control of her was largely in his own hands even yet.
“Aileen,” he said, coolly, at the end of her speech, “you talk too much. You rave. You’re growing vulgar, I believe. Now let me tell you something.” And he fixed her with a hard, quieting eye. “I have no apologies to make. Think what you please. I know why you say what you do. But here is the point. I want you to get it straight and clear. It may make some difference eventually if you’re any kind of a woman at all. I don’t care for you any more. If you want to put it another way—I’m tired of you. I have been for a long while. That’s why I’ve run with other women. If I hadn’t been tired of you I wouldn’t have done it. What’s more, I’m in love with somebody else— Berenice Fleming, and I expect to stay in love. I wish I were free so I could rearrange my life on a different basis and find a little comfort before I die. You don’t really care for me any more. You can’t. I’ll admit I have treated you badly; but if I had really loved you I wouldn’t have done it, would I? It isn’t my fault that love died in me, is it? It isn’t your fault. I’m not blaming you. Love isn’t a bunch of coals that can be blown by an artificial bellows into a flame at any time. It’s out, and that’s an end of it. Since I don’t love you and can’t, why should you want me to stay near you? Why shouldn’t you let me go and give me a divorce? You’ll be just as happy or unhappy away from me as with me. Why not? I want to be free again. I’m miserable here, and have been for a long time. I’ll make any arrangement that seems fair and right to you. I’ll give you this house—these pictures, though I really don’t see what you’d want with them.” (Cowperwood had no intention of giving up the gallery if he could help it.) “I’ll settle on you for life any income you desire, or I’ll give you a fixed sum outright. I want to be free, and I want you to let me be. Now why won’t you be sensible and let me do this?”
During this harangue Cowperwood had first sat and then stood. At the statement that his love was really dead—the first time he had ever baldly and squarely announced it—Aileen had paled a little and put her hand to her forehead over her eyes. It was then he had arisen. He was cold, determined, a little revengeful for the moment. She realized now that he meant this—that in his heart was no least feeling for all that had gone before—no sweet memories, no binding thoughts of happy hours, days, weeks, years, that were so glittering and wonderful to her in retrospect. Great Heavens, it was really true! His love was dead; he had said it! But for the nonce she could not believe it; she would not. It really couldn’t be true.
“Frank,” she began, coming toward him, the while he moved away to evade her. Her eyes were wide, her hands trembling, her lips moving in an emotional, wavy, rhythmic way. “You really don’t mean that, do you? Love isn’t wholly dead, is it? All the love you used to feel for me? Oh, Frank, I have raged, I have hated, I have said terrible, ugly things, but it has been because I have been in love with you! All the time I have. You know that. I have felt so bad—O God, how bad I have felt! Frank, you don’t know it—but my pillow has been wet many and many a night. I have cried and cried. I have got up and walked the floor. I have drunk whisky—plain, raw whisky—because something hurt me and I wanted to kill the pain. I have gone with other men, one after another—you know that— but, oh! Frank, Frank, you know that I didn’t want to, that I didn’t mean to! I have always despised the thought of them afterward. It was only because I was lonely and because you wouldn’t pay any attention to me or be nice to me. Oh, how I have longed and longed for just one loving hour with you—one night, one day! There are women who could suffer in silence, but I can’t. My mind won’t let me alone, Frank—my thoughts won’t. I can’t help thinking how I used to run to you in Philadelphia, when you would meet me on your way home, or when I used to come to you in Ninth Street or on Eleventh. Oh, Frank, I probably did wrong to your first wife. I see it now—how she must have suffered! But I was just a silly girl then, and I didn’t know. Don’t you remember how I used to come to you in Ninth Street and how I saw you day after day in the penitentiary in Philadelphia? You said then you would love me always and that you would never forget. Can’t you love me any more—just a little? Is it really true that your love is dead? Am I so old, so changed? Oh, Frank, please don’t say that—please don’t—please, please please! I beg of you!”
She tried to reach him and put a hand on his arm, but he stepped aside. To him, as he looked at her now, she was the antithesis of anything he could brook, let alone desire artistically or physically. The charm was gone, the spell broken. It was another type, another point of view he required, but, above all and principally, youth, youth— the spirit, for instance, that was in Berenice Fleming. He was sorry—in his way. He felt sympathy, but it was like the tinkling of a far-off sheep-bell—the moaning of a whistling buoy heard over the thrash of night-black waves on a stormy sea.
“You don’t understand how it is, Aileen,” he said. “I can’t help myself. My love is dead. It is gone. I can’t recall it. I can’t feel it. I wish I could, but I can’t; you must understand that. Some things are possible and some are not.”
He looked at her, but with no relenting. Aileen, for her part, saw in his eyes nothing, as she believed, save cold philosophic logic—the man of business, the thinker, the bargainer, the plotter. At the thought of the adamantine character of his soul, which could thus definitely close its gates on her for ever and ever, she became wild, angry, feverish—not quite sane.
“Oh, don’t say that!” she pleaded, foolishly. “Please don’t. Please don’t say that. It might come back a little if—if—you would only believe in it. Don’t you see how I feel? Don’t you see how it is?”
She dropped to her knees and clasped him about the waist. “Oh, Frank! Oh, Frank! Oh, Frank!” she began to call, crying. “I can’t stand it! I can’t! I can’t! I can’t! I shall die.”
“Don’t give way like that, Aileen,” he pleaded. “It doesn’t do any good. I can’t lie to myself. I don’t want to lie to you. Life is too short. Facts are facts. If I could say and believe that I loved you I would say so now, but I can’t. I don’t love you. Why should I say that I do?”
In the content of Aileen’s nature was a portion that was purely histrionic, a portion that was childish—petted and spoiled—a portion that was sheer unreason, and a portion that was splendid emotion—deep, dark, involved. At this statement of Cowperwood’s which seemed to throw her back on herself for ever and ever to be alone, she first pleaded willingness to compromise—to share. She had not fought Stephanie Platow, she had not fought Florence Cochrane, nor Cecily Haguenin, nor Mrs. Hand, nor, indeed, anybody after Rita, and she would fight no more. She had not spied on him in connection with Berenice—she had accidentally met them. True, she had gone with other men, but? . . . Berenice was beautiful, she admitted it, but so was she in her way still—a little, still. Couldn’t he find a place for her yet in his life? Wasn’t there room for both?
At this expression of humiliation and defeat Cowperwood was sad, sick, almost nauseated. How could one argue? How make her understand?
“I wish it were possible, Aileen,” he concluded, finally and heavily, “but it isn’t.”
All at once she arose, her eyes red but dry.
“You don’t love me, then, at all, do you? Not a bit?”
“No, Aileen, I don’t. I don’t mean by that that I dislike you. I don’t mean to say that you aren’t interesting in your way as a woman and that I don’t sympathize with you. I do. But I don’t love you any more. I can’t. The thing I used to feel I can’t feel any more.”
She paused for a moment, uncertain how to take this, the while she whitened, grew more tense, more spiritual than she had been in many a day. Now she felt desperate, angry, sick, but like the scorpion that ringed by fire can turn only on itself. What a hell life was, she told herself. How it slipped away and left one aging, horribly alone! Love was nothing, faith nothing—nothing, nothing!
A fine light of conviction, intensity, intention lit her eye for the moment. “Very well, then,” she said, coolly, tensely. “I know what I’ll do. I’ll not live this way. I’ll not live beyond to-night. I want to die, anyhow, and I will.”
It was by no means a cry, this last, but a calm statement. It should prove her love. To Cowperwood it seemed unreal, bravado, a momentary rage intended to frighten him. She turned and walked up the grand staircase, which was near—a splendid piece of marble and bronze fifteen feet wide, with marble nereids for newel-posts, and dancing figures worked into the stone. She went into her room quite calmly and took up a steel paper-cutter of dagger design—a knife with a handle of bronze and a point of great sharpness. Coming out and going along the balcony over the court of orchids, where Cowperwood still was seated, she entered the sunrise room with its pool
