Dean patted his shirt pocket for a smoke, then seemed to remember he was in a hospital. “You talk like crazy people,” he said.
“I am a little crazy, Dean. I really get crazy when things don’t go my way. Right now, for instance, I’d like you to go quietly downstairs with us. When my friend comes down, we can all walk quietly up the street till we find a nice, quiet coffee shop. Then we can sit down and have us a quiet talk. I like things quiet. You got any problem with any of that?”
“I don’t guess so,” he said. “I don’t know what the hell you want with me.”
“That’s what we’ll find out, Dean,” I said, and we all went downstairs and waited quietly.
Erin came down almost on our heels. “Who’s your friend?”
“This is Dean, he owns that bookstore in Baltimore. Dean, this is Lizzie Borden.”
“Lizzie Borden my ass. Who the hell do you think you’re fooling?”
“Nobody, but let’s leave it at that. And watch your language, there are ladies here.”
“I know who you are. I don’t know these two but I know you. I’ve been trying to remember your voice and it just came to me.”
“Come on, let’s walk up the street.”
He started to balk. I stepped on his foot and frosted him with a look. He said, “I don’t have to go anywhere with you,” but I pinched his arm hard enough to hurt and he went. We found a drugstore on Rutledge Avenue and I ordered coffees except for Koko, who had some awful-looking carrot juice concoction.
“It’s good your memory’s working, Dean,” I said. “I need to ask you some things.”
Again we had to go through a certain dance but I expected that. The conversation went like this.
“Tell me about Archer.”
“Archer who?”
“You know Archer who.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“He’s the schmuck you were going to see in the hospital, so knock off the stupid routine.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“How are your kidneys, Dean?”
“What does that mean?”
“You look like a guy who needs to go to the bathroom. C’mon, I’ll go with you.”
“If you think I’m going in any back room with you, you’re nuts.”
“Then tell me about Archer, and remember I haven’t got all day.”
“Archer’s a customer.”
“I see. Do you always travel all around the country with your customers?”
“If they pay my freight I do.”
“So Archer’s paying you. What’s he paying you for?”
“You’re a bookseller, you know I can’t answer that. That violates all kinds of ethics.”
“Dean’s going ethical on us,” I said to the ladies.
“Would you answer that question?” Dean said.
“No, but I might kick your ass right here in this drugstore if you don’t.”
Erin cleared her throat loudly. I looked in her eyes and said, “Why don’t you ladies meet me back at the hotel. Take the car, I’ll walk.”
Koko said, “Did you ever get one of them two-by-fours, Lizzie?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dean said.
I said, “It means that unless you give us some information, you could be in real trouble. Liz can tell you about it.”
I threw it to her without warning and instantly she began shooting from the hip, part bluff, making it up as she went along. “You’ve been conspiring with a book thief, Dean. We’re not talking about nickels and dimes, this is a work of major historical importance, worth at least way up in five figures. You know what it is. This can bring you serious grief in Maryland, Colorado, or South Carolina. It’s known as grand theft pretty much everywhere, but it does have a bright side: they’ll come feed you three times a day and you won’t have to worry about making a living for a long time.”
“I don’t know what in the hell you’re talking about.”
