Bookman's promise

He had complained of a headache after a night of too much alcohol, and I had gone walking on the Battery alone. In fact I went far beyond the Battery, around the entire city and out on a footpath that ran along the Ashley River. I spent hours walking, watching the people, talking to strangers, and soaking up the sun. I lost track of time with a gang of pickaninnies crabbing from the riverbank, fascinated by their strange language and delighted with their catch. The sun was low over the river when I finally turned back to the city: suddenly I realized I had been gone all day.

At the hotel there was a message in my box: Looked for you and waited as long as I could. Gone to meet some people. Hoped you would return to join us. Opportunity arose suddenly and might not come again. Will see you tomorrow. Richard.

This was disappointing but I had only myself to blame. Never mind: I would enjoy the evening without Richard’s company. The city was exotic; I would explore its tastes and sounds and sights on my own. I dressed for an occasion and was determined to find one. At the desk I asked the clerk what entertainments might be available and he suggested a musicale and a melodrama, both within walking distance. I could catch either of these and still have time for a good dinner before curtain. He gave me the names of several restaurants; then, as I was turning to leave, he said, “There was a message for you from Mr. Burton this morning. Did you get it?” I said I had and thanked him. “It’s too bad,” he said. “You just missed him.”

I was already out on the street when what he’d said brought me up short. I returned to the desk and asked him to elaborate. He said, “I only meant because he left immediately after you did,” and my heart sank.

I was crushed by this proof that Richard had lied. He hadn’t looked for me at all; he had watched for me to leave. If there was any truth in his note, it was only that he had gone to see some people. Yes, I thought bitterly. He’s seeing some people he doesn’t want me to meet or even know he’s met.

I had opted for the melodrama but now I was in too sour a mood to enjoy it. I wasn’t hungry either—normally I am a three-a-day man and I hadn’t eaten since morning, but at that point the prospect of a meal was, to say the least, unappetizing. I walked the streets and I could see only one possible course of action. I must cut the trip short. No more fencing: I would remove even the possibility of further lies by removing myself from Richard’s game, whatever it was. I would simply say that something about the Southern climate had begun to affect my health and I must catch the steamer north at my first opportunity—tomorrow if possible. I could lie if he could, I thought childishly. Richard, of course, would know the reason; he was far too intelligent to be fooled by such a lame excuse, but that was the best I could come up with. The alternative—to remain under pretense—would be intolerable.

I was bitterly disappointed, but once I had decided I felt surprisingly better. Not that I wanted to leave—far from it. I would have given much to have Richard appear that moment with a credible reason for his deception, but I couldn’t imagine what that would be. What I now wanted was to salvage whatever I could of my personal regard for Richard and take my leave while I could still give him some benefit of the doubt.

But out on the street a new thought hit me. I would have to warn someone. Someone had to be told that England was already making plans against us. Someone in our government, high enough to matter, must be told.

Not the treasonous Secretary Floyd, that much was certain.

In the morning I walked to the offices of the steamship company and obtained a schedule. I could get a boat for Wilmington within the hour. But Richard had still not returned; I couldn’t leave without at least saying good-bye, and so I lounged around the hotel waiting until long after the steamer had departed for Wilmington. I was quite hungry: I had not eaten since yesterday, and now I had a substantial lunch at the hotel, then waited over a glass of ale in the bar across the street. Well, I was stuck for another day. This fact brought an odd mix of clashing emotions—anger, dismay, anxiety, along with relief and a wild hope that at times overrode all the others. I was anxious to have it all behind me and be away from here but the thought of what must come filled me with despair. Above all I still wished desperately for some word or act that would save us from the ugly split that seemed inevitable.

I had another ale and sometime later, on my third, I felt my limit and switched to sarsaparilla. My anger had again dissipated, and again I sat groping for some innocent reason behind Richard’s actions. There was none: he had lied, there was no doubt about that, there could be no excuse for it, I had to go, I should have gone at once and left him a note. But that would be a coward’s way and we both deserved better. So I waited.

I saw him arrive at three o’clock. I crossed the street and came into the hotel behind him, but again I wavered. How could I do this? What could I say? I stood in the lobby and watched him skip jauntily up the stairs, and only when he had gone did I go up at a far slower gait. I walked softly past his room and went into my own. I lay on the bed in a state of deep trouble, and after a while I fell asleep.

I opened my eyes at his knock on my door. I didn’t move.

He rapped again. He said nothing but I knew who it was. I heard him walk away, down the hall, down the stairs. I couldn’t keep him waiting much longer.

At last I went down and saw him sitting alone at the far end of the lobby. He was reading a newspaper: the Charleston Mercury, Rhett’s rabble-rousing sheet of traitorous innuendo and sedition. He looked over the edge of the paper as I approached.

“Charlie. I’ve been looking for you.”

Immediately I started my lie. “I haven’t been feeling well,” I said, but my voice faltered and I knew I could not continue with it. How could I chastise Richard for lying if I was doing the same? Before I could go on, he said, “Sit down here, talk to me,” and I sat in the lounge chair facing his. He looked in my eyes. “I want to tell you something.”

I almost brushed him off in a wave of impatience. Please, I thought, no more lies. I felt my hands tremble as I prepared to speak. But he spoke first, offering a surprising confession. “I didn’t tell you the truth in that note I left