Two for the dough

He hotfooted it across the lobby, wrenched the door to the office open, and closed it behind us with a slam.

'You're not going to believe this,' he said. 'That asshole Kenny is such a prick. You know what he did now? He broke into my apartment.'

My eyes rounded in surprise. 'No!'

'Yeah. Can you believe it? Broke a goddamn window.'

'Why would he break into your apartment?'

'Because he's fucking crazy.'

'Are you sure it was Kenny? Was anything missing?'

'Of course it was Kenny. Who the hell else could it be? Nothing was stolen. The VCR is still there. My camera, my money, my jewelry weren't touched. It was Kenny, all right. The dumb crazy fucker.'

'Did you report this to the police?'

'What's between me and Kenny is private. No police.'

'You might have to change that game plan.'

Spiro's eyes contracted and dulled and focused on mine. 'Oh?'

'You remember the little incident yesterday concerning Mr. Loosey's penis?'

'Yeah?'

'Kenny mailed it to me.'

'No shit?'

'It came Express Mail.'

'Where is it now?'

'The police have it. Morelli was there when I opened the package.'

' Fuck!' He kicked his wastebasket across the room. 'Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.'

'I don't know why you're so upset about all this,' I cooed. 'Seems to me this is crazy Kenny's problem. I mean, after all, you didn't do anything wrong.' Humor the jerk, I thought. See where he runs with it.

Spiro stopped raving and looked at me, and I imagined I heard the sound of little bitty gears meshing in his head. 'That's true,' he said. 'I didn't do anything wrong. I'm the victim here. Does Morelli know the package came from Kenny? Was there a note? A return address?'

'No note. No return address. Hard to say what Morelli knows.'

'You didn't tell him it came from Kenny?'

'I have no real proof that it came from Kenny, but the thing clearly had been embalmed, so the police will be checking funeral parlors. I imagine they'll want to know why you didn't report the . . . um, theft.'

'Maybe I should just come clean. Tell the cops about how crazy Kenny is. Tell them about the finger and about my apartment.'

'What about Con? You coming clean to him too? Is he still in the hospital?'

'Came home today. Got a week of rehab, and then he'll be back at work part-time.'

'He's not going to be happy when he finds out his clients have been getting parts whacked off.'

'Tell me about it. I've heard enough of his 'the body is holy' crap to last me three lifetimes. I mean, what's the big deal? It isn't like Loosey was gonna use his dick.' Spiro dropped into the padded executive chair behind the desk and slid into a slouch. The mask of civility dropped from his face, and his sallow skin tightened over slanted cheekbones and pinched across spiky teeth as he morphed into Rodent Man. Furtive, foul-breathed, evil-spirited. Impossible to tell if he'd been born the rodent, or if years of schoolyard taunts had shaped his soul to suit his