'I had some hair problems.'
'No, that's not it.'
'New dress.'
'No. It's something else. I can't put my finger on it.'
Thank goodness for that.
Lula and Sally came over and stood with us at the bar.
'What's doin',' Sally said.
'We're wasting more time, that's what's doin',' Kuntz said. 'I hate these dumb treasure hunt things.' His eyes held mine for a moment and then fixed on a point over my shoulder. I turned to see what had caught his attention.
It was Joyce Barnhardt in a very short, very tight black leather skirt and an orange knit tank top.
'Hello, Stephanie,' Joyce said.
'Hello, Joyce.'
She flashed a smile on Kuntz. 'Hello, handsome.'
I turned to Lula, and we made the finger-down-the-throat, tongue-stuck-out gag gesture to each other.
'If I had those breasts I could clean up,' Sally whispered to me. 'I could make enough money in a year to fucking retire. I wouldn't ever have to put on another pair of heels.'
'What are you doing here, Joyce? I thought Vinnie was going to talk to you.'
'It's a free country,' Joyce said. 'I can go where I want. Do what I want. And right now what I want is to get Maxine.'
'Why?'
'Just for the fun of it,' Joyce said.
'Bitch.'
'Slut.'
'Whore.'
'Cunt.'
I kicked Joyce in the shin. I draw the line at cunt. And besides, ever since that day I caught her bare-assed on my dining room table with my husband, I've been wanting to kick her.
Joyce responded by grabbing my hair.
'Yow!' I said. 'Let go!'
She wouldn't let go, so I gave her a good pinch in the arm.
'Hold on here,' Lula said. 'I can tell you don't know nothing about fighting. This woman got you by the hair, and all you can do is give her a pinch?'
'Yeah, but it'll leave a bruise,' I said.
Joyce yanked harder at my hair. Then suddenly she gave a squeak, and she was on her back, on the floor.
I glared over at Lula.
'Well, I just wanted to see if the new batteries were working,' Lula said.
'So how much do you think breasts like that would cost?' Sally asked. 'Do you think they'd look good on me?'
'Sally, those are real breasts.'
Sally bent down and took a closer look. 'Damn.'
'Uh oh,' Lula said. 'I don't know how to break this to you, but we're missing someone.'
I looked around. Kuntz was gone. 'Sally, you check the men's room. Lula, you search the room here. I'll see if he's outside.'
'What about Joyce?' Lula said. 'Maybe we should shove her over in the corner where people won't trip on her.'
Joyce's eyes were glazed, and her mouth was open. Her breathing seemed normal enough, considering she'd just taken a few volts.
'Joyce?' I said. 'You okay?'
One of her arms flailed out.
A small crowd had accumulated.
'Dizzy spell,' I told everyone.
'I read in the manual sometimes people wet themselves when they have one of these dizzy spells,' Lula said. 'Wouldn't that be fun?'
Joyce's legs started flopping around, and her eyes came into focus.
