Hot Six

'That's not a job you want to accept. Alexander can be impulsive and erratic and paranoid. He's on medication, but he doesn't always take it. Hannibal's hired bodyguards to keep an eye on the old man, but he makes them look like amateurs. Sneaks out on them every chance he gets. There's a power struggle going on between him and Hannibal, and you don't want to get caught in the crossfire.'

'Isn't this nice,' Grandma said, shuffling into the kitchen, taking her mug of chocolate. 'It's much more fun living with you. We never had men visiting in the middle of the night when I lived with your mother.'

Ranger returned the alarm to the counter. 'I have to go. Enjoy your hot chocolate.'

I walked him to the door. 'Is there anything else you want me to do? Check your mail? Water your plants?'

'My mail is being forwarded to my lawyer. And I'm watering my own plants.'

'So, you feel safe in the Batcave?'

The corners of his mouth curved into the hint of a smile. He leaned forward and kissed me at the base of my neck, just above my T-shirt collar. 'Sweet dreams.'

Before he left, he said good-night to Grandma, who was still in the kitchen.

'What a nice, polite young man,' Grandma said. 'And he's got an excellent package.'

I went straight to her closet, found the bottle of booze, and dumped some into my cocoa.

THE NEXT MORNING, Grandma and I were both hung over.

'I've gotta stop drinking cocoa so late at night,' Grandma said. 'I feel like my eyes are going to explode. Maybe I should go get checked for glaucoma.'

'Better yet, how about getting checked for the level of hooch in your bloodstream?'

I took a couple aspirin and dragged myself out to the parking lot. Habib and Mitchell were there, sitting waiting in a green minivan with two kiddie seats in the back but no kiddies.

'Nice stakeout car,' I said. 'Fits right in.'

'Don't start,' Mitchell said. 'I'm not in a good mood.'

'It's your wife's car, right?'

He gave me a black look.

'Just to make life easier for you, so you don't get lost, you might as well know I'm going to the office first thing.'

'I hate that place,' Habib said. 'It is cursed! It is evil!'

I drove to the office and parked in front. Habib stayed half a block back and kept the motor running.

'Hey, girlfriend,' Lula said. 'Where's Bob?'

'He's with Grandma. They're sleeping in today.'

'Looks like you should have slept in, too. You look awful. If the rest of your face was as black as the circles under your eyes you could move into my neighborhood. 'Course, the good news is what with the dark circles and bloodshot eyes you don't hardly notice that big nasty pimple.'

And the really good news was that I didn't give a fig about the pimple today. Funny how a little thing like a life-threatening experience can put a pimple into perspective. What I cared about today was nailing Munson. I didn't want to put in another sleepless night, worrying about going up in flames.

'I have a hunch Morris Munson is back at his row house this morning,' I told Lula. 'I'm going over there, and I'm going to stomp on him.'

'I'll go with you,' Lula said. 'I wouldn't mind stompin' on someone today. In fact, I'm in a real stompin' mood.'

I took my gun out of my shoulder bag. 'I'm sort of out of bullets,' I said to Connie. 'You have any extras lying around?'

Vinnie stuck his head out of his office. 'You're putting bullets in your gun? Did I hear right? What's the occasion?'

'I have bullets in my gun a lot,' I said, eyes narrowed, feeling testy. 'In fact, just last night I shot someone.'

There was a collective gasp.

'Who'd you shoot?' Lula asked.

'Morris Munson. He broke into my apartment.'

Vinnie rushed over. 'Where is he? Is he dead? You didn't get him in the back, did you? I keep telling everyone- not in the back!'

'I didn't shoot him in the back. I shot him in the foot.'

'So? Where is he?'

'Omigod,' Lula said. 'You shot him in the foot with your last bullet, didn't you? You blew off a little piggy and ran out of bullets.' She shook her head. 'Don't you just hate when that happens?'

Connie returned from the back room with a box of bullets. 'You sure you want these?' she asked me. 'You don't look too good. I don't know if it's a good idea to give a woman a box of bullets when she's got a pimple.'

I put four rounds in my gun, and dropped the box into my shoulder bag. 'I'll be fine.'

'This here's a woman with a plan,' Lula said.

This here was a woman with a hangover who just wanted to get through the day.

Halfway to Munson's house on Rockwell Street I pulled to the curb and threw up. Habib and Mitchell grimaced behind me.

'Must have been some night,' Lula said.

'I don't want to think about it.' And that was more than just an expression. I really didn't want to think about it. I mean, what the hell was this thing going on between me and Ranger? I must be crazy! And I couldn't believe I'd actually sat drinking bourbon and hot chocolate with Grandma. I'm no good at drinking. I get drunk on two bottles of beer. I felt like my brain had been beamed into outer space and my body had been left behind.

I drove another quarter-mile and pulled into the McDonald's drive-through for my never-fail hangover remedy: french fries and a Coke.

'As long as we're here I might as well get a little something, too,' Lula said. 'Egg McMuffin, breakfast fries, chocolate shake, and a Big Mac,' she yelled across me.

I felt myself go green. 'That's a snack?'

'Yeah, you're right,' she said. 'Hold the breakfast fries.'

The guy in the drive-through window handed me the bag of food and looked into the Buick's backseat. 'Where's your dog?'

'Home.'

'Too bad. That was pretty cool last time. Lady, that was a mountain of-'

I stepped on the gas and took off. By the time we got to Munson's house the food was gone, and I felt much better.

'What makes you think this dude's come back here?' Lula asked.

'Just a feeling I have. He needed to bandage his foot and get a new pair of shoes. If it was me, I'd go home to do those things. And it was late at night. Since I was already in my house I'd want to sleep in my own bed.'

We couldn't tell anything from the outside of his house. The windows were dark. No sign of life inside. I drove around the block and took the alley to the garage. Lula jumped out and looked in the garage window.

'He's here, all right,' she said, climbing back into Big Blue. 'At least, his wreck of a car is here.'

'Do you have your stun gun and pepper spray?'

'Does a chicken have a pecker? I could invade Bulgaria with the shit I've got in my handbag.'

I drove back to the front of the house and dropped Lula off to guard the front door. Then I parked the car two houses down, out of Munson's line of sight, in the alley. Habib and Mitchell parked behind me in the kiddie car, locked their doors, and opened their McDonald's breakfast bags.

I cut through two yards, came up to the back of Munson's house, and carefully looked in his kitchen window. Nothing happening. A box of Band-Aids and a roll of paper towels on the kitchen table. Am I a genius, or what? I stepped back and looked up to the second floor. There was the very faint sound of running water. Munson was taking a shower. Boy, life didn't get much better than this.

I tried the door. Locked. I tried the windows. Locked. I was about to break one when Lula opened the back door.