Hot Six

'Never mind what we're doing here,' I said. 'What are you doing here?'

'None of your business. And anyway, I have a key, so obviously I belong here.'

Lula hauled out a Glock. 'Well, I got a gun, so I guess that one-ups you.'

Cynthia whipped a.45 out of her purse. 'I've got a gun, too. We're even.'

They both turned to me.

'I've got a gun at home,' I said. 'I forgot to bring it.'

'That doesn't count,' Cynthia said.

'It counts for something,' Lula said. 'It isn't like she don't have a gun at all. And besides, she's wicked when she got the gun. She killed a man, once.'

'I remember reading about it. Dickie almost went into cardiac arrest. He thought it reflected badly.'

'Dickie's a hemorrhoid,' I said.

Cynthia smiled without humor. 'All men are hemorrhoids.' She looked around the apartment. 'I used to come here with Homer when Hannibal was out of town.'

That explained the key. And maybe the condoms in the bathroom. 'Did Homer keep clothes in the guest room?'

'A couple shirts. Some underwear.'

'There are clothes, upstairs, in the guest room. Maybe you could take a look and tell me if they're Homer's.'

'First, I want to know what you're doing here.'

'A friend of mine is a possible suspect for the fire and shooting. I'm trying to get a fix on what actually happened.'

'And you're thinking, what? That Hannibal killed his brother?'

'I don't know. I'm fishing.'

Cynthia headed for the stairs. 'Let me tell you about Homer. Everyone wanted to kill Homer. Including me. Homer was a lying, cheating worm. His family was always bailing him out. If I was Hannibal, I'd have shot Homer a long time ago, but the Ramos family ties are strong.'

We followed her up the stairs to the guest room and waited at the door while she went in and looked around.

'Some of these are definitely Homer's,' she said, going through the drawers. 'And some I've never seen before now.' She kicked at a pair of red silk paisley boxers lying on the floor. 'You see these boxers?' She took aim and fired five rounds into the shorts. 'These were Homer's.'

'Dang,' Lula said. 'Don't hold back.'

'He could be very charming,' Cynthia said. 'But he had a short attention span when it came to women. I thought he was in love with me. I thought I could change him.'

'What happened to make you think otherwise?'

'Two days before he was shot he told me the relationship was over. He said some very unflattering things to me, told me if I gave him any trouble he'd kill me, and then he cleaned out my jewelry box and took my car. He said he needed money.'

'Did you report him to the police?'

'No. I believed him when he said he'd kill me.' She shoved her gun into her jacket pocket. 'Anyway, I got to thinking that Homer might not have had a chance to fence my jewelry… that he might have stashed it here.'

'I've been through the whole house,' I said, 'and I didn't see any women's jewelry, but you're welcome to look for yourself.'

She shrugged. 'It was a long shot. I should have checked sooner.'

'Weren't you afraid you'd run into Hannibal?' Lula asked.

'I was counting on Alexander being here for the funeral, and Hannibal being in residence at the shore house.'

We all trooped downstairs.

'What about the garage?' Cynthia asked. 'Did you look in there? I don't suppose you found my silver Porsche.'

'Damn,' Lula said, all impressed. 'You drive a Porsche?'

'I used to. Homer gave it to me for our six-month anniversary.' She sighed. 'Like I said, Homer could be very charming.'

'Charming' being synonymous with 'generous.'

Hannibal had a two-car garage that attached to the house. The door to the garage was off the foyer and was locked with a slide bolt. Cynthia opened the door and flicked the light on in the garage. And there it was… the silver Porsche.

'My Porsche! My Porsche!' Cynthia yelped. 'I never thought I'd see it again.' She stopped yelping and wrinkled her nose. 'What's that smell?'

Lula and I looked at each other. We knew the smell.

'Uh-oh,' Lula said.

Cynthia ran to the car. 'I hope he left me the keys. I hope-' She stopped short and looked in the car window. 'Someone's sleeping in my car.'

Lula and I grimaced.

And Cynthia started screaming. 'He's dead! He's dead! He's dead in my Porsche!'

Lula and I approached the car and looked inside.

'Yep. He's dead all right,' Lula said. 'The giveaway is those three holes in his forehead. You're lucky,' she told Cynthia. 'Looks like this guy bought it with a twenty-two. If he'd been shot with a forty-five there'd be brains all over the place. A twenty-two goes in and rattles around like PacMan.'

It was hard to tell with him slumped over on the seat, but he looked about five ten and maybe fifty pounds overweight. Dark hair, cut short. Mid-forties. Dressed in a knit shirt and sports coat. Diamond pinky ring. Three holes in his head.

'Do you recognize him?' I asked Cynthia.

'No. I never saw him before. This is terrible. How could this happen? There's blood on my upholstery.'

'It's not so bad, considering he took three to the head,' Lula said. 'Just don't use hot water on it. Hot water sets blood.'

Cynthia had the door open and was trying to wrestle the dead guy out of the car, but the dead guy wasn't cooperating. 'I could use some help, here,' Cynthia said. 'Someone go around to the other side and push.'

'Hey, wait a minute,' I said. 'This is a crime scene. You should leave everything alone.'

'The hell I will,' Cynthia said. 'This is my car, and I'm driving away with it. I work for a lawyer. I know what happens. They'll impound this car until the world comes to an end. And then his wife'll probably get it.' She had the body halfway out, but the legs were stiff and wouldn't unbend.

'We need Siegfried and Roy here,' Lula said. 'I saw them on television, and they sliced someone in half, and they didn't even make a mess.'

Cynthia had the guy by the head, hoping for some leverage. 'His foot is stuck around the gear shift,' she said. 'Someone give his foot a kick.'

'Don't look at me,' Lula said. 'Dead people give me the creeps. I'm not touching no dead person.'

Cynthia grabbed his jacket and pulled. 'This is impossible. I'm never going to get this idiot out of my car.'

'Maybe if you greased him up,' Lula said.

'Maybe if you helped,' Cynthia said. 'Go around to the other side and put your foot to his ass while Stephanie helps me pull.'

'Long as it's only my foot,' Lula said. 'Guess I could do that.'

Cynthia got the guy's head in a hammerlock, and I grabbed hold of his shirtfront, and Lula pushed him out with one good shove.

We instantly dropped him and stepped back.

'Who do you think killed him?' I asked. Not actually expecting an answer.

'Homer, of course,' Cynthia said.

I shook my head. 'He hasn't been dead long enough for it to have been Homer.'

'Hannibal?'