Hard Eight

“This is a strange coincidence,” I said. “I work for Vincent Plum, your bail bondsman. You missed a court date, and you need to reschedule.”

“Okay, but not today. I’m going to Atlantic City. Just pencil something in for me next week.”

“It doesn’t work that way.”

A blue-and-white cruised by Barry’s. It stopped just beyond the red Vette and two cops got out.

“Uh-oh,” Laura said. “This don’t look good.”

One of the cops was Eddie Gazarra. Gazarra was married to my cousin, Shirley the Whiner. Gazarra checked the plate on the Vette, and then he walked around the car. He went back to the blue-and-white and made a call.

“Damn cops,” Laura said. “Haven’t got anything better to do than to go around and bust senior citizens. There should be a law against it.”

I rapped on the coffeehouse window and caught Gazarra’s attention. I pointed to Laura sitting next to me and smiled. Here she is, I mouthed to Gazarra.

**********************

IT WAS CLOSE to noon, and I was parked in front of Vinnie’s office, trying to muster the courage to go inside. I’d followed Gazarra and Laura Minello back to the station, and I’d gotten a body receipt for Minello. The body receipt would get me fifteen percent of Minello’s bond. And the fifteen percent would make an essential contribution toward this month’s rent. Ordinarily the delivery of a body receipt is a happy occasion. Today it would be marred by the fact that in the pursuit of Andrew Bender I’d lost four pairs of cuffs. Not to mention that on all occasions I’d looked like a complete idiot. And Vinnie was in residence, lurking in his lair, anxious to remind me of all this. I set my teeth, grabbed my bag, and headed for the door.

Lula stopped filing when I walked in. “Hey, jellybean,” Lula said. “What’s new?”

Connie looked up from her computer. “Vinnie’s in his office. Break out the garlic and crosses.”

“What kind of mood is he in?”

“Are you here to tell me you captured Bender?” Vinnie yelled from the other side of his closed door.

“No.”

“Then I’m in a bad mood.”

“How can he hear with the door closed?” I asked Connie.

She raised her hand, middle finger extended.

“I saw that,” Vinnie yelled.

“He had video and sound installed so he doesn’t miss something,” Connie said.

“Yeah, it’s secondhand,” Lula said. “It came out of the adult video store that closed. I wouldn’t touch it without rubber gloves.”

Vinnie’s door opened, and Vinnie stuck his head out. “Andy Bender is a drunk, for crissake. He wakes up in the morning, falls into a can of beer, and never climbs out. He should have been a gift. Instead, he’s making you look like a moron.”

“He’s one of them crafty drunks,” Lula said. “He can even run when he’s drunk. And he shot at us last time. You’re gonna have to pay me more if I’m gonna get shot at.”

“You two are pathetic,” Vinnie said. “I could catch this guy with one hand tied behind my back. I could catch this guy blindfolded.”

“Hunh,” Lula said.

Vinnie leaned forward. “You don’t believe me? You think I couldn’t bring this guy in?”

“Miracles happen,” Lula said.