'Okay,' I said, 'we're ready to go.'
'I've got her purse and jacket,' Cindy said.
I've got a towel so she don't get doodle crumbs on herself on the way to the courthouse,' Lula said.
'I can't do it!' Carol sobbed.
'Yes, you can,' we all said. 'You can do it.'
'Hit me,' Carol said. 'I need a hit.'
I gave her a new bag of Cheez Doodles. She tore the bag open and scarfed a handful of doodles.
'You gotta pace yourself,' Lula said to Carol. 'You got a long day ahead of you, and you don't want to run out of doodles.'
Carol clutched the bag to her chest and we nudged her forward, down the stairs, out to the car.
I got Carol Cantell settled in at the courthouse and then I left. Lula and Cindy were with Cantell. Cindy had four unopened bags of doodles. Lula had cuffs and a stun gun. They promised to call me if a problem developed.
I would have stayed with Cantell to see how things turned out but I was feeling grungy. I needed a shower. And I needed to put distance between me and the Cheez Doodles. Ten more minutes with Cantell and I would have wrestled her for the remaining bags.
I drove past Ranger's building, but there was too much activity to chance a run for the elevator. So, what are the alternative shower and lunch possibilities? Morelli's house was one alternative. I had a key to the house, and I still had some clothes there. Convenient but not smart, I thought. Not a good time to return. Too many unresolved issues. And Junkman could be watching the house.
Better to go to my parents' house. It was easier to sneak in through the back, and I could feel relatively confident that I wasn't seen.
Eleven
It was close to noon when I cruised into the Burg. Sallys bus was parked in front of my parents' house, and my father's car was missing from the driveway. Probably there was a big wedding discussion going on, and my father was hiding out at the Elks Lodge.
On first pass I didn't see any Slayers with boom boxes or automatic weapons. Of course, if someone was skinny enough he could be crouched behind Mrs Ciak's hydrangea bush. I thought better safe than sorry, and I did my Saturday night routine, driving halfway around the block to park. I had the sweatshirt on again with the hood up. I locked the Lincoln, and once again, I cut through the Krezwickis' yard.
I didn't want my mother to do another freak-out, so I took the sweatshirt off before I opened the back door.
Sally, Valerie with the baby, my mother, and Grandma Mazur were at the kitchen table.
'You're hiding from someone, aren't you?' my mother said to me.
'That's why you keep sneaking in the back.'
'She's hiding from them gang members who want to kill her,' Grandma said. 'Does anyone want that last piece of cake?'
That's ridiculous,' my mother said. 'We don't have gangs in Trenton.'
'Wake up and smell the coffee,' Grandma said. 'We got Bloods and Craps and Latin Queens. And that's just to name a few.'
'I was in a rush this morning, and I didn't have time to take a shower,' I said to my mother. 'Is it okay if I shower here?'
'Of course it's okay,' my mother said. 'Did you really break up with Joseph again?'
'I moved out of his house. I'm not sure how broken up we are.'
My mother went still, radar humming. 'If you're not living with Joseph, where are you living?'
This got everyone's attention.
'I'm staying in a friend's apartment,' I said.
'What friend?'
'I can't say. It's… a secret.'
'Omigod,' my mother said. 'You're having an affair with a married man.'
'I'm not!'
'Isn't that something,' Grandma said.
Sally snapped the band on his wrist.
'What was that for?' Grandma asked.
'I thought a really bad word,' Sally said.
'Yeesh. I'm not going to discuss this,' I told everyone. This is stupid.' And I flounced off to take a shower.
An hour later, I was showered and shampooed, and I was peering into my mother's refrigerator. I didn't have nearly so much blubber hanging over the waistband of my jeans today Amazing how the fat disappears when you stop eating. The downside was that I felt mean as a snake.
'What are you looking for?' my mother wanted to know. 'You've been standing there with the door open for ten minutes.'
'I'm looking for something that won't make me fat.'
'You're not fat,' my mother said. You shouldn't worry.'
'She's got to be careful of the Plum side of the family.' Grandma said. 'This is when it starts. Remember how Violet was always so thin? Then she hit her thirties and ballooned up. Now she has to buy two seats when she gets on an airplane.'
'I don't know what to eat!' I said, arms flapping. 'I've never had to worry about weight before. What the hell am I supposed to friggin' eat?'
'Depends what kind of diet you're doing,' Grandma said. 'Are you doing Weight Watchers, Atkins, South Beach, The Zone, The Slime Diet, The Sex Diet? I like the Slime Diet, myself. That's where you're only allowed to eat things that got slime… like oysters and slugs and raw bull's balls. I was going to try the Sex Diet, but I couldn't figure out some of the rules. Every time you get hungry you're supposed to have sex. Only thing is, they didn't say what kind of sex you're supposed to have. Like, whether you should have it alone or with someone else. And what about that oral sex stuff? I never did a lot of that personally. Your grandfather wasn't much for experimenting,' Grandma said to me.
My mother went to the cupboard, poured herself a tumbler of whiskey, and chugged it.
'So what kind of diet are you on?' Grandma asked me.
'I'm on the Tastykake diet,' I said, helping myself to a Butterscotch Krimpet.
'Good for you,' Grandma said. That's a good choice.'
'I'm going back to work,' I told everyone, putting my hood up, ducking out the back door.
Mrs Krezwicki was at her kitchen window when I scuttled through her yard. She leveled a gun at me, sighting with one eye. I pushed the hood back and waved, and she lowered the gun and reached for the wall phone. Calling my mother, no doubt.
I got into the Lincoln and drove to the office.
'I heard from Lula at the courthouse,' Connie said. 'Cantell's doing okay.'
'How about Ranger? Have you heard from Ranger?'
'Not a word.'
Rats. He wasn't supposed to be back for at least another week, but I didn't want to take any chances on being caught in his bed. Or even worse, in his shower!
Connie's eyes fixed on my hat. 'That looks like Ranger's hat.'
'He gave it to me.' It was a perfectly good fib. If he gave me his truck, why not his hat?
Connie looked like she bought it.
'I wish Ranger would get his butt back here,' Connie said. 'I'm not happy about you going after Rodriguez. What kind of a person would carry a thumb around with him?'
'A crazy person?'
'It's creepy. If you want, I can call Tank to go with you.'
